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Ernie's House of Whoopass! April 23, 2012
April 23, 2012

Ernie Bueller's Day Off.

Yeah I know, where the fuck was I this weekend, right? You know what? I woke up Saturday and said fuck it, I'm taking the day off. A friend of mine was down from Boston with his family, and although this wasn't a "go see Ernie" trip, we still managed to get together for a little gunpowder induced fun. You see up in Massachusetts, they can't get their hands on all the cool shit that we can down here in Flo-Rida. So as Joe was on the way back to the Ft Myers airport to drop off his brother-ion-law to catch an easly flight back, we decided to meet up at the gun range for a little what's what. Now the BIL had never fired a handgun before, so after a basic 4-rules-of-gun-safety speech and a few pointers on how to hold and how to stand, we started slow with a little .22 semiautomatic and then graduated up to a 92FS in 9mm. Grins were had by all; I did more magazine loading than I did shooting and I was a-ok with that. They we graduated to a 5.56mm rifle, which wasn't all that spot on since it was previously dialed in for 100 yards on a windy day. Aim up-and-left was the war cry for a short while. And then finally, we brought out the big stick: my Izmash made Russian Saiga 12. Joe and his BIL enjoyed it, but not half as much as the teenager in the lane next to me. Through two sets of earplugs (foam and muffs) I could hear, "OMFG! MAN HE'S GOT AN AUTOMATIC SHOTGUN!" Which it wasn't but c'mon, why spoil the fun? So after we went through four 10-round magazines, I had five shotgun shells left. I leaned over to the kid who was still staring like it was his first time at a monst truck rally, and asked him how old he was. Seventeen, came the reply. Damn. So I asked if the two adults he was with, were his parents. Yup. So I tapped them on the shoulder and asked if it was okay if their son blasted away on the Saiga. Thumbs up. So I popped in the remaining five shells, held the Saiga downrange, and handed it over to the 17 year old kid. As I reached over to flip off the safety I cautioned, "Keep it tight against your shoulder, and lean into it." Which he did as best he could but at maybe 120lbs, he didn't have the mass to fight the recoil and with his shoulder flying back violently, the Saiga stovepiped on the first round. And the next. So as he shot the remaining three, I stood behind him with my hands pushed into his right shoulder so he wouldn't get knocked backwards and allow the gun to cycle correctly. Anyway, the kid enjoyed it. And I enjoyed my day off.

The 1970 film Hi, Mom! is a black comedy film by Brian De Palma, and is one of Robert De Niro's first movies. De Niro reprises his role of Jon Rubin from Greetings. In this film, Rubin is a fledgling "adult filmmaker" who has an idea to post cameras at his window and video tape his neighbors. According to the book The Movie Rating Game by Stephen Farber, the film was originally given an "X" rating by the MPAA, but after a few minor trims, it was approved for an R. The main cut occurred during the scene where Gerrit Graham paints his entire body for the Be Black Baby performance. He hesitated for a moment about painting his penis, and then finally finished the job. The actual painting of the penis was deleted to get Hi Mom! the R rating.

Weather Girls. You've gotta love em. Rain or shine, they're always radiant – and how is it they manage to make pointing out whatever weather's headed our way so goddamn sexy? A gesture here, a sweep of the hand there, and they may as well be beckoning drooling male viewers quietly to the boudoir. It wouldn't matter if half of these hotties knew next to nothing about meteorology. And if they look as good as these girls, they can bring as much bad news about incoming low pressure as they like. Here are 10 weather girls so hot, they might be considered responsible for global warming.

Dasani is a brand of bottled water from the Coca-Cola company, launched in 1999, after the success of Aquafina. It is one of many brands of Coca-Cola bottled water sold around the world. Dasani has experienced strong placement with the product appearing in movies such as You Got Served and TV series such as The West Wing. The name Dasani is an original creation - it was chosen when consumer testing showed that the name was relaxing and suggested "pureness" and "replenishment". In 2010, in a bid to counteract falling sales and bans on bottled water, The Coca-Cola Company announced they would be distributing Dasani water in new bottles made of 30% plant based materials. Unlike other plant-based packaging, the bottles are compatible with standard recycling plants and represent up to a 25% reduction in carbon emissions when compared to standard water bottles.

Hey Ernie, caught a video of you being tactical! BTW, Myspace? People still use that shit? Charles

Brother be likin' him some Kool Aid I guess. Kevin

Keystone beer is a product of the Coors Brewing Company in Golden, Colorado. It was first introduced in Chico, California in September 1989. Keystone can be found in can, keg, and occasionally bottled form. Keystone Light has a 4.13% ABV[1]; a concentration less than standard American lagers, and roughly equal to other macro "light" brews. Three varieties of Keystone have been produced, as well as the original: Keystone, introduced 1989, found with a gold can, red label, later changed to Keystone Premium; Keystone Light, found with a blue label; Keystone Dry, found with a black can, red label; Keystone Ice, "ice brewed ale," found with a black label; and Keystone Amber Light, found with a gold can with a diamond "Amber Light" badge. The "Light" and "Ice" versions of the beer are far more prevalent and readily available for retail across the United States.

Set up as a top-secret biological and chemical weapons facility during the Second Sino-Japanese War and World War Two, Unit 731 has been referred to as the Asian Auschwitz. Through the practice of lethal human experimentation, the unit is thought to have been responsible for the death of up to 200,000 civilians and military personnel – the vast majority Chinese and Korean nationals, but also South East Asians, Pacific Islanders and Allied POWs. In the sprawling six kilometer-square complex in the city of Harbin (now part of Northeast China) those behind the sickening research developed some of the most cruel and sadistic experiments ever to be conducted on human victims. These included live vivisection, amputations, germ warfare tests, explosive weapons testing, and much more. After the conclusion of World War II, the creator of Unit 731 -- Shiro Ishii -- was found and captured, but shielded from prosecution by American authorities in exchange for the knowledge gained through his bioweapons research.

A tiara is a form of crown. Traditionally, the word "tiara" refers to a high crown, often with the shape of a cylinder narrowed at its top, made of fabric or leather, and richly ornamented. It was used by the kings and emperors of some ancient peoples in Anatolia and Mesopotamia, notably the Hittites. Although usually associated with women of reigning and noble families, tiaras have been worn by commoners as well, although this has been perceived as bizarre and pretentious as tiaras were normally reserved for blue-blooded ladies. They are generally a semi-circular or circular band, often metal, and decorated with real or fake jewels and are worn as a form of adornment. They are worn by women around their head or on the forehead as a circlet on very formal or high social occasions. Tiaras are frequently used to "crown" the winners of beauty pageants.

Hey Ernie, blah, kiss ass, love your site etc... Here is a video and the aftermath of the elderly woman driving her car through the Publix here in Palm Coast, FL. Pretty shocking! Tom

I know you have a love for dogs and Marines and I'm pretty sure you wrote about this when it happened. Here's an update, RIP Rex. Charles

Staring at cheerleaders can be a solo sport, but it works just as well as a group activity—which is one of the many beautiful things about this national pasttime. Because this is such a routine occurrence, you'd think that your average male would be able to play it cool. That is just not the case. But, there's also nothing wrong with laughing at those among us who can't play it cool and act like they've been there before, even if they haven't. Now let's go laugh at a bunch of dudes who have been caught in the act.

Deep vein thrombosis (DVT) is the formation of a blood clot (thrombus) in a deep vein, most commonly of the legs. A DVT can occur without symptoms, but in many cases the affected extremity will be painful, swollen, red, and warm, and the superficial veins may be engorged. The most serious complication of a DVT is that the clot could dislodge and travel to the lungs, which is called a pulmonary embolism. Untreated lower extremity DVT has a 3% PE-related mortality rate. A late complication of DVT is the post-thrombotic syndrome, which can manifest itself as edema, pain or discomfort and skin problems.

There is no fucking way I would ever film this: a scene from BBC's series "Wild South Pacific". The battle between lava and water creates some pretty amazing sound effects.

maria menounos takes a punch to the stomach from conan o'brien

what's it like to be a drug dealer? well, here's your answer - mint infographic: pain at the pump

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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