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Ernie's House of Whoopass! June 14, 2012
June 14, 2012

Happy Flag Day. Well For Us, Anyway, Fuck You Europeans.

In the United States Flag Day is celebrated on June 14. It commemorates the adoption of the flag of the United States, which happened that day by resolution of the Second Continental Congress in 1777. The United States Army also celebrates the Army Birthday on this date; Congress adopted "the American continental army" after reaching a consensus position in the Committee of the Whole on June 14, 1775. In 1916, President Woodrow Wilson issued a proclamation that officially established June 14 as Flag Day; in August 1949, National Flag Day was established by an Act of Congress. Flag Day is not an official federal holiday, though on June 14, 1937, Pennsylvania became the first (and only) U.S. state to celebrate Flag Day as a state holiday, beginning in the town of Rennerdale. One of the longest-running Flag Day parades is held annually in Quincy, Massachusetts, which began in 1952, celebrating its 59th year in 2010. The 59th Annual Appleton Wisconsin 2009 Flag Day Parade featured the U.S. Navy. The largest Flag Day parade is held annually in Troy, New York, which bases its parade on the Quincy parade and typically draws 50,000 spectators.

Pseudo-politics warning: So here's a funny thing. Well, not the thing itself, but the responses to it: A Texas father beat a man to death after catching him trying to molest his four-year-old daughter in a barn. Now obviously the child molestation part isn't funny, but here's what is. Among most of my Republican friends -- generally speaking all family men with fairly conservative views -- they're all fucking for the father beating the guy to death, and consider the dad a hero. "He got what he deserved," is the general consensus. And I'm judging one way or the other, personally I'm so far removed from Texas and kids, I could give a shit either way. But just bear with me for a second further. Another friend, a female social worker, who is so much the rank-and-file Democrat that if you cut her she will actually bleed little donkeys, had this to say: "I have been a CASA volunteer for years, and it sickens me that this man was not given the chance to be innocent until proven guilty. Who needs the legal system anymore, just pass me a brick."

As a quick interlude, let's all take a minute and rewatch what I always have, still do and probably always will consider to be one of the best fucking videos on the entire internet: Types of Government Explained. Now I've taken the liberty of just skipping 4:56 ahead, right to the Democratic/Republic comparison, but feel free to watch the whole thing from the start. Anyway, you'll want to pay close attention around the 6:10 mark when they get into the Wild West lynch mob comparison.

So here's what I find really fucking funny about this whole beat-the-child-molester-to-death thing. Those that call themselves Republicans -- and as such should advocate being ruled by the law -- are all fucking for the 35-to-1 lynch mob mentality. Beat the fucking guy to death, laws be damned. The Democrat -- and as such advocate being ruled by the majority -- is all fucking for shunning the popular response and letting this man have his due process. To me, it's role reversal at its finest and just goes to show you that every once in awhile "the other guy" might have a better idea than you do. Anyway, who gives a shit either way, right? Because now the dad is facing his turn at due process.

Hey Ernie, I thought you might get a kick out of this. Bald Bill

ernie, (regarding the wisc ccw shooting) he shot 6 or 7 times and missed? was he TRYING to miss? (which is a no-no in Oklahoma, its dont draw or kill, no warning or scaring) the robbers gonna sue his pants off for emotional distress and violating his human rights of expression. not to mention the cleaning bill. Aldi's'll sue him for wall damage, probably won't give him his quarter back for the pushcart, either. tommy

Honestly, I don't think firing 6 or 7 times iss unreasonable; contrary to Michael Bay and John Woo films, people don't magically fall over dead when they're shot, as demonstrated by Sergeant Marcus Young of the Ukiah, California, Police Department, and 35 year old violent felon Neal Beckman. Both took shots to the face/head and survived. Young would be dead had it not been for his ballistic vest and Beckman was killed by a torso shot -- literally through his ass. As for Mr. Al-Mujaahid? He went on to found the CCW Advocates and is now suing the city to get his gun back. Oh and don't worry about Sergeant Young, he went on to be the NRA's 2003 Officer of the Year and the International Association of Chiefs of Police's 2004 Police Officer of the Year, all made possible thanks to a little company called DuPont.

Vice Admiral William Halsey Jr. was so primed for world war that he offered to start one himself if he didn't get it for Christmas. Needless to say, Halsey got his wish after the Japanese attacked America. When he first surveyed the damage at Pearl Harbor from his ship, the USS Enterprise, the incensed admiral fumed, "Before we're through with them, the Japanese language will be spoken only in hell." Halsey upheld his oath by making life on Earth hell for the Japanese for the next four years. When Japan finally surrendered to the U.S., they did so on the deck of Halsey's own flagship, the USS Missouri. No word on whether or not he gently laid his balls on the table just as they went to sign the treaty papers, so we're forced to assume that yes, he did exactly that.

Careful leaving that Aston Martin in the driveway. Paul

(The first to write in about it:) Too bad a "Not Guilty" verdict couldn't be handed out automatically even before this goes to a grand jury or before any DA can file. Thank God this happened in Texas, anywhere else and the dad would already be in jail on murder one. [one - two] Bret

Maria Sharapova knows what it feels like to win, having won the 2012 French Open to complete her career Grand Slam (Wimbledon, US Open, French Open and Australian Open). To put that into perspective, winning a Grand Slam in tennis is like winning the Super Bowl four times in your career. It is something that only 10 women have ever accomplished. It is truly one of the most incredible feats in tennis history. In honor of Maria Sharapova winning the career Grand Slam, let's take a look at 20 of the hottest female champions in sports. Needless to say, Anna Kournakova is nowhere to be seen.

Cold, hungry and alone, it shivered in its small enclosure. Taken from its natural environment, where it had been a fearsome and effective hunter, it has spent the last three years of its life as an exhibit, trapped behind wire fencing. It wasn’t even a treasured exhibit. Here it was, locked out of the sleeping area that would have provided some shelter during baking hot days, and left to freeze in the bitter cold at night. So it died: of exposure to the elements and of a deep depression – the animal equivalent, perhaps, of a broken heart. Such was the tragic end met by the last thylacine, or Tasmanian tiger, held in captivity. Its death was not a result of man’s fear or greed – as was the case with many of its species – but simple, cruel neglect.

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