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Ernie's House of Whoopass! July 12, 2012
July 12, 2012

Not That I'm Entirely Sure It Will Do Any Good.

Old and busted: Experiencing the San Diego fireworks mishap from far way. The new hotness: Experiencing the San Diego fireworks mishap from up close.

Chip seal is a pavement surface treatment that combines one or more layer(s) of asphalt with one or more layer(s) of fine aggregate. In the United States, chip seals are typically used on rural roads carrying lower traffic volumes, and the process is often referred to as asphaltic surface treatment. It can keep good pavement in good condition by sealing out water, but provides no structural strength and will only repair minor cracks. While the small stones used as surface yield a relatively even surface without the edges of patches, it also results in a very rough surface that leads to significantly louder rolling noises of automobile wheels.

The birth of the cellphone made the plots of most slasher movies impossible. But it's not just horror. All genres are having to ignore more and more convenient, problem-solving technology with each passing year. Here are some movie plots that could have been easily solved by today's everyday technology.

The deadlift is a weight training exercise where a loaded barbell is lifted off the ground from a stabilized, bent over position. It is one of the three canonical powerlifting exercises, along with the squat and bench press. It is one of the few standard weight training exercises in which all repetitions begin with dead weight. In most other lifts there is an eccentric (lowering of the weight) phase followed by the concentric (lifting of the weight) phase. During these exercises, a small amount of energy is stored in the stretched muscles and tendons in the eccentric phase. However, the deadlift is solely a concentric movement, beginning at its most difficult point and without stored elastic energy.

Everyone knows that English-language movies get shipped to audiences all around the world. Many nations even have well-known voice actors who regularly dub in for our favorite Hollywood stars! But the dialogue in these movies isn’t the only thing that gets translated. Very often the films’ titles are, too — with sometimes hilarious results. Here are some bizarre movie title translations. The one for Snatch makes sense but evidently I'm a huge fan of Army of Darkness Captain Supermarket.

The one that got away! Wait for it, wait for it. Jon

As soon as I saw this story, I immediately thought of this (NSFW due to language) Bret

Oh, and I've got some bad news for you, Bret.

Nadya Suleman -- aka the "Octomom" -- is facing a lawsuit after backing out of a deal to strip at a Florida club called T's Lounge in West Palm Beach. T's has sued Nadya Suleman, who had agreed to dance topless in eight shows that were to begin Wednesday. The club is seeking an emergency injunction to keep her from appearing at a competing club. Hey I'll be the first to sheepishly admit -- we've seen the pics and hey, nice tits lady -- but I don't see what the big deal is and apparently I'm not along because neither did this judge.

Old and busted (literally): You may have your busted ass rifle back. The new hotness: Belarus soldiers celebrating their 68th Independence Day over the Fascist douchebags. In related news, did you know that Belarus is still a military dictatorship? I didn't, but these guys do. Or... maybe they don't?

And while we're on former Soviet satellite states, the flag of Yugoslavia consisted of three equal horizontal bands colored in pan-Slavic colors, blue (top), white (middle) and red (bottom), with a yellow-bordered red star at the flag's center. During the Kingdom of Yugoslavia, the national flag was a plain tricolor. The last Yugoslav national flag, used 1945-1992, was adopted during World War II as a modification of the flag that represented the wartime Yugoslav state (used 1943-1945) and was used by the resistance, the Partisans. The changes mostly affected the red star in the center: it was enlarged, its shape was changed, and its borders were outlined in yellow.

Kids: Don't play with fireworks! Charles

Hey Ernie - I'm a 49er fan born in the 70s and raised in the heyday of the team. I married into a family of Raiders fans, well, because I'm not too bright. Every year, we give each other a good old-fashioned hard time about the others team. Last year I took it a step above normal, I had the idea to get them all presents. Enjoy. Scott

For you non-Raider fans, here's the joke. JaMarcus Russell (Jersey #2) was the Raider's #1 draft, signed a $62 million dollar contract, played a total of 25 games for a 7-18 record before gaining 50 lbs, being released, pocketing $9.45 million, and subsequently getting arrested for an addiction to codeine cough syrup.

A love hotel is a type of short-stay hotel found around the world operated primarily for the purpose of allowing couples privacy for sexual activities. The name originates from "Hotel Love" in Osaka which was built in 1968 and had a rotating sign. Love hotels can usually be identified using symbols such as hearts and the offer of a room rate for a "rest" as well as for an overnight stay. The period of a "rest" varies, typically ranging from one to three hours. Cheaper daytime off-peak rates are common. In general, reservations are not possible, leaving the hotel will forfeit access to the room, and overnight stay rates only become available after 10:00 p.m. These hotels may be used for prostitution, although they are sometimes used by budget-travelers sharing accommodation. And they get really fucking creepy when they're abandoned.

new homeland security laser scanner reads people at molecular level

cartels or zimmerman: atf now targeting hispanic gun buyers with new racist form 4473

"i can’t move much in bed, but i burn 500 calories a session - it’s great exercise just jiggling around..."

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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