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Ernie's House of Whoopass! August 24, 2012
August 24, 2012

I Tried This Very Spell, But Alas, No Tits Were Exposed.

So my niece and nephew are visiting and Wednesday/Thursday we went up to Universal Studios in Orlando, as they have never been before. For starters, let's talk about Universal's semi-ridiculous pricing. Florida residents used to be able to get an annual pass for $99; those days are long fucking gone. Now it's $165 for the year, which wouldn't be so bad if I lived an hour or so away, but a three hour trip for me means six hours drive time, which means an overnight stay which means a hotel room and boarding costs for Ike and Bianca. Then a two-day two-park pass for visitors is $160, so it only makes sense to get them season passes as well. Four season passes ($165 x 4) plus hotel room ($89) plus dog boarding ($33 x 2) = $933 before we even set foot in the park or stick one single hot dog into our faces. Not that I'm really bitching about the money, I'm just sitting back and marveling at it costs almost a grand to take a family of four to a fucking amusement park.

Anyway the big must-do ride of this trip is the new Harry Potter ride. Well new to me anyway, since it's been out for a year or so already and I just haven't had the time or the gumption to go up there. But this time I did and I have to say, I am pretty fucking impressed. For starters, my hat is off to the park's designers because the place looks fucking amazing. They used the same forced perspective technique that Disney used on Cinderella's Castle, to make Hogwarts castle look fucking huge. There were too many little kids running around harry Potter world for me to want to hang out and explore the shops, and as morbidly curious as I was, no I did not have any Butter Beer even though I've never had it before. So my goal was to get in, hit the ride, and get the fuck out. And despite the 100 minute wait to get on the main ride, that time actually seemed to zip by pretty quickly because the line was always moving at a steady pace. Having to wait 20 minutes at other superhero themed rides where the line just never seemed to fucking move, was much more like to induce a temper tantrum, even though the wait was actually a shorter.

To be short and honest, the Harry Potter ride itself was pretty fucking awesome, although I'll admit somewhat hampered for me since it was an indoor ride and I was wearing my prescription sunglasses like a dumbfuck. So I could either take them off and see everything blurry as shit, or leave them on and experience everything darker than intended. I opted for the latter because seeing dark shit is better than seeing no shit. Anyway getting on the ride is unique because instead of boarding by row where you're sidestepping your way to your rollercoaster style seat -- sorry Bacon, no broomsticks up my ass -- they face you as they slide from left to right along a moving walkway. Once you're seated and moving, you quickly realize your seat has full motion along all three axis. Keep in mind that much like the other movie themed rides at Universal, the Harry Potter ride is less like a traditional rollercoaster and more like a virtual experience. The premise is you're riding one of the Potter'esque flying broomsticks throughout various locales in Harry Potter world: in and around the Quidditch arena, through the spider cave, into the Great Hall, and a few other places I didn't recognize. I was hoping for a little virtual reality blowjob from you-know-who, but no luck in that department. Bottom line: unlike that piece of shit Simpsons ride that took the place of my beloved Back To The Future ride, the Harry Potter one is actually worth the hype.

Oh and while I was gone.... just why exactly why do Federal agencies need 1 billion -- yes that's 1,000,000,000 -- rounds of ammunition by the end of this year? Nothing to see here shoeless citizen, move along.

Short video of some gray reef sharks I filmed in Nassau, Bahamas. The sharks hang around a shipwreck called the Ray of Hope. Sarosh

Old and busted: Bridezilla... New hotness: Power Maid. It's my wife's birthday today and I wanted to share a few pics from this past weekend where she was a champ when it comes to being a bridesmaid. They should be right up your alley when it comes to showing off stupendous effort and an accidental mirror reflection in the limo. Cheers -- Jon

In the late 1990s, Smirnoff introduced a series of new products onto the UK and later the European and North American market called Smirnoff Ice, which quickly became popular among young people, especially within the club scene. There are two different products by the name of Smirnoff Ice. One, sold in France and the United States, is a citrus-flavored malt beverage with variants in Original and Triple Black. The other, sold in Europe, Latin America, Australia and Canada, is a premixed vodka drink. The Smirnoff Ice marketed in the USA does not actually contain vodka according to the official Smirnoff website. It is more similar to beer than to vodka, primarily because it is brewed. However outside of the USA and countries who receive US manufactured vodka it does contain Smirnoff Vodka No. 21.

And speaking of drinking legally, it was twenty-one years ago today that the Ukraine declared their independence from the Soviet Union. In honor of this, here are the 12 sexiest Ukrainian women -- both Mila Kunis and Olga Kurylenko suggest you view this gallery.

Andrew Luck tossed a 63-yard touchdown pass the first time he threw a football in an NFL game. LeBron James, Kevin Durant and Kobe Bryant led Team USA basketball to an Olympic gold medal in London. Felix Hernandez pitched the third perfect game of the MLB season, making it the first time more than two were thrown in the same season. There are plenty of reasons to cheer for sports these days. In fact, even without the Olympics, we are heading into the busiest time of the sports year. Millions of fans attend sporting events, but here are the 30 hottest celebrity fans including a pre-fat Ashley Judd who roots for U of Kentucky.

Loaded gun in unlocked car = dumb. Burglar explaining this to the owner in this manner = classic. Scott

Wanted to share a great article on the creativity inspired by the gaming community of Minecraft. Gamers haven't been this amused by blocks since the creation of Lego and Tetris, and the level of humor, artistic ability and frankly, geekdom, inspired by Minecraft's online world is worthy of the praise it receives. It's almost as good as going out and building things in the real world... almost. Here's the link. Hope you find our list of Minecraft creations as amazing as we did - have a good one! Danny

A Campingflight to Lowlands Paradise, also known as simply Lowlands, is a music festival, held annually in the Netherlands in August. Lowlands is, together with Pinkpop, one of the biggest and most popular music festivals in the country, with about 60,000 visitors, over 200 acts and more than ten stages every year which are named according to the NATO phonetic alphabet, apart from the Grolsch stage, named after the beer brewer Grolsch, who has been the main sponsor of the festival for the last few years. Just don't try to take a shit there.

This movie from NASA's Curiosity rover shows most of the high-resolution frames acquired by the Mars Descent Imager between the jettison of the heat shield and touchdown.

how to make the prison scene feast in goodfellas

the horrors of the manchurian plague (third plague pandemic) in pictures

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Current Images? Fixed. Archived Images? Not S...


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