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Ernie's House of Whoopass! September 6, 2012
September 6, 2012

Today We're Gonna Do A Little Old Busted Versus New Hotness.

No, what you remember is that you used to drive that old busted jawn. See, I drive the new hotness.

Old and busted: The right to choose at the Republican National Convention. The new hotness: The right to choose at the Democratic National Convention.

Now I'll be the first person to admit I was in the Ch-air Force and the only time I held an rifle during the military was my initial qualifications for Basic Training. I know, I know... I've got a paper asshole. But having said that, I think I've stumbled across some major league derp. A combat Marine has invented a device that completely replaces the need for a shoulder stock on a firearm. His invention consists of two main components: a stainless steel bracket which mounts to the firearms and impact-absorbing foam pads, which mount to the rear of the bracket. Shooters then place one of the custom pads directly against your fucking face to steady the firearm and, upon firing, the pad absorbs nearly all of the felt recoil. I say again, they place it against their own fucking face. Can that be good?

A tabby is any cat that has a distinctive coat that features stripes, dots, lines or swirling patterns, usually together with a mark resembling an "M" on its forehead. Tabbies are sometimes erroneously assumed to be a cat breed. In fact, the tabby pattern is found in many breeds of cat, as well as among the general mixed-breed population. The tabby pattern is a naturally occurring feature that may be related to the coloration of the domestic cat's direct ancestor, the African Wildcat, which along with the European Wildcat and Asiatic Wildcat has a similar coloration. In cat genetics, pattern is unrelated to color, and so the tabby coat pattern can show up in combination with a variety of coat colors. A cat's coat can be described as red tabby or gray tabby, although black and blue are colors that usually show up without tabby markings, but with some cats, a faint tabby pattern can actually be noticed.

And do you remember the Nikon's ProStaff Riflescope for $109 that I posted on 8/29, and screwed myself because I figured, "Oh I'm a lazy bastard and I'll just buy it tomorrow," only to find that deal expired the following morning on the 30th? Well slap my ass and call me Sally because it's active again and yes this time, yes, I bought that motherfucker right then and there. Related news: Greatest. Wife. Ever.

Finally something good about the V-22. Regards, Paul

Hi Ernie. I finally have something to contribute to your site. The New Zealand Haka is famous from the All Blacks Union games. This is the first time I have seen one at a funeral. It is pretty intense. Regards, Ernie Goeldner

Yes, I know that video has been linked before, but hey let's give Corporal Luke Tamatea, Lance Corporal Jacinda Baker and Private Richard Harris their due, eh? And to be honest I didn't know what a haka was so I looked it up. Wikipedia defined Haka is a traditional ancestral war cry, dance or challenge from the M?ori people of New Zealand. It is a posture dance performed by a group, with vigorous movements and stamping of the feet with rhythmically shouted accompaniment. War haka were originally performed by warriors before a battle, proclaiming their strength and prowess in order to intimidate the opposition. Today, haka constitute an integral part of formal or official welcome ceremonies for distinguished visitors or foreign dignitaries, serving to impart a sense of the importance of the occasion. Anyway, here is the All Blacks Union Haka that he was talking about.

Because hey, showboating can be a valuable tool, especially in a sport where athletes have to fight for the spotlight. Unfortunately, this time it went wrong. Shai Lindsey takes a flurry of punches, smiles and taunts Carlo Junio, and then promptly gets knocked the fuck out. Let's be honest; it's justice for that fucking haircut.

Old and busted: slamming your face against a boat. The new hotness: What is boating?

Minimalism describes movements in various forms of art and design, especially visual art and music, where the work is set out to expose the essence or identity of a subject through eliminating all non-essential forms, features or concepts. In minimalist architecture, design elements convey the message of simplicity. The basic geometric forms, elements without decoration, simple materials and the repetitions of structures represent a sense of order and essential quality. The movement of natural light in buildings reveals simple and clean spaces.

Ernie, Hey I dont get to contribute very often but found this and new it was for you. Great page as always but wanted to let you know about a place not to far from me in Ohio that is doing a zombie shoot for halloween. You go out on a haywagon and get paintball guns to shoot zombies trying to attack the wagon! I thought this was right up your alley! Keep up the great work! Tyson

Old and busted: Romney tax returns hacked in satire. The new hotness: Romney tax returns hacked in real life.

In Season 5 of The Wire, resident badass Omar Little finds himself outgunned in an ambush set up by Marlo Stansfield, and decides to escape by jumping out a fourth story window. Somehow, Omar survives the fall and goes on to kill a bunch of people in revenge. Now The Wire always had a reputation for being more realistic than your average cop drama, so this moment struck some fans as a little odd -- one critic at The Guardian even wondered if the writers had been drinking when they came up with the scene. In fact, the show's major characters are based on people creator David Simon met while working as a journalist in Baltimore. This includes Omar himself, who is actually an amalgam of a few folks -- including a guy named Donnie Andrews who, according to David Simon, actually made that very fucking leap in a similar situation. Only in real life, it wasn't the fourth floor: He made that jump from the sixth fucking floor.

Lifetime Products Inc. is the world's leading manufacturer of blow-molded polyethylene folding chairs and tables, picnic tables, and home basketball equipment. Lifetime products are available in more than 70 countries. In the United States, Lifetime basketball systems are in sporting goods stores such as Sports Authority, Dick's Sporting Goods, Academy Sports and Outdoors, MC Sports and Modell's, as well as retailers such as Wal-Mart, and in warehouse clubs such as Sam's Club, Costco, BJ's, and in regional stores. They also manufacture other consumer products, including sheds, deck boxes, trailers, kayaks and paddleboards, and lawn and garden items, along with OEM steel and plastic items for other companies.

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