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Ernie's House of Whoopass! September 10, 2012
September 10, 2012

Who Would Have Thought, Undone By Digitus Primus. And Parental Stupidity.

A 2-year-old boy is dead after officials said he accidentally shot himself in the head with a gun Monday night in Hampton [article].

Like it or not, kids know what guns do. They certainly do not understand the gravity of holding a firearm or the inherent danger in doing so, but by watching adults -- either in real life, or television, or games, or advertising or... -- they grasp the concept that guns are meant to be held and used by people. With that in mind, picture a small two year old child crawling unattended around a bedroom and discovering a loaded handgun in a shoebox under the bed. As the gun is somewhat heavy -- certainly heavier than any toy they're used to -- they will no doubt roll over to sit on their butt so they can manipulate their new toy with both hands. To them, I would imagine the barrel and the grip are interchangeable; their tiny little minds simply cannot understand that bullets go in one end and come out the other. As a whole, I would imagine a handgun would be a very unexciting toy for a toddler to find. Ahhh, but the trigger... the trigger moves a little! Yes just a little bit of play makes the trigger just enticing enough to explore further. Now the trigger only moves one way, back and forth, but is just a little too difficult for their still-developing fingers to fully depress. But no matter what they try or how they hold it, their tiny fingers simply aren't strong enough to pull the trigger all the way. How frustrating and interesting that must be; pushing, pushing, almost there, almost there, but not quite strong enough to get it all the way. But we're humans. We're preprogrammed to solve problems and figure things out. You know, the most developed brains and top of the food chain and all that.

So that's when our instincts take over. What're out strongest digits? That's right. The one digit that's too big to stick up out nose: digitus primus. The opposable thumb. The hitchhikers best friend. Thumbs up, or thumbs down, ain't no party like an strong thumb party. And so sitting their on their powdered and diapered little ass, the toddler fumbles the handgun around until he has brought both of his thumbs to bear upon that damn trigger. Now think about that for a second. If both of your thumbs are on a handgun's trigger, where is the barrel facing. That's right. Right down battleship row; somewhere between your heart and your brain, or as doctors call it, "all the important stuff." So now with both thumbs securely fastened against that damn little trigger -- and the barrel inadvertently pointed right at their chest -- their minds take the next step in exploring this new heavy toy they've found. And with a mighty huff, their thumbs begin to tense up and push that trigger backwards. And what do you know, their thumbs are strong enough after all.

This my friends, is why it's so fucking important to keep your firearms locked away from children (and morons). Shit you can get a brand new safes delivered for $300 and so long as you've got a couple of friends anda pickup truck, get a used safes for even less. And for Christ's sake, educate yourselves about kids and guns, and then educate your kid about guns. Because you can't keep your baby locked in a suspended cage forever.

A towel is a piece of absorbent fabric or paper used for drying or wiping. It draws moisture through direct contact, often using a blotting or a rubbing motion. Common household textile towels are made from cotton, rayon, bamboo, nonwoven fibers or a few other materials. A bath towel is used for drying the body after bathing, showering or swimming. It is typically rectangular, with a typical size around 30"×60". A large bath towel is sometimes called a bath sheet. Bath towels may also be used as a head dress for wet hair. A beach towel is usually a little bit larger than a bath towel. Although it is often used for drying off after being in the water, its chief purpose is to provide a surface to lie on. They are also worn for privacy while changing clothes in a public area, and for wiping sand from the body or objects. Beach towels often have colorful patterns.

Things to know for today: (1) Conan Christopher O'Brien is an American television host, comedian, writer, producer and performer. Since November 2010 he has hosted Conan, a late-night talk show that airs on the American cable television station TBS. (2) rousers are an item of clothing worn from the waist to the ankles, covering both legs separately, rather than with cloth stretching across both as in skirts and dresses. (3) A bruise, also called a contusion, is a type of relatively minor hematoma of tissue[1] in which capillaries and sometimes venules are damaged by trauma, allowing blood to seep into the surrounding interstitial tissues. (4) The water buffalo is a large bovine animal, frequently used as livestock in the Indian Subcontinent, and also widely in South America, southern Europe, the Middle East, northern Africa, and elsewhere. (5) Here we see Conan drop trou and flash the bruised ass he got from falling off of a water buffalo.

Hey Ernie, Here's a picture of a car I saw parked in a local lot. Not quite the General Lee, but it certainly screams out "Good ol' boy!" Mike

The time stamp on each photo hasn't been altered. [one - two] These were taken about 2 hours apart in the parking lot of my hotel here in Chicago . Dan

Jacobs is a brand of coffee that traces its beginnings to 1895 in Germany by Iohann Jacobs and is today marketed in Europe by Kraft Foods. Major markets are Austria, the Baltic countries, Macedonia, Bulgaria, Croatia, Serbia, the Czech Republic, Germany, Israel, Hungary, Poland, Romania, Slovakia, Azerbaijan, Switzerland, Turkey, Iran, and Ukraine. Under the direction of Klaus Johann Jacobs, who took over the company in 1970, Jacobs expanded into other fields. It merged with the Swiss chocolate company Interfood in 1982 to form Jacobs Suchard, and bought the American Brach's Candy in 1987, among other purchases. Jacobs Suchard, with the exception of Brach's, was sold to Kraft Foods in 1990.

It may be awhile yet before gender equality reaches video games, but more and more girls are identifying with the term gamer and that's a good thing—for gender equality, and the gaming community in general. Speaking honestly as a guy, who doesn't want more girls to play with? I mean, I know they're not a commodity, but gaming shouldn't be a boys' only club. No way. Here's a celebration of gamer girls next door looking their best.

Old and busted: Russian drivers getting buzzed by a Sukhoi Su-24. The new hotness: Russian drivers getting buzzed by a Mil Mi-8.

Aloha, check out these awesome sea turtles, Carrie

Extensor tendons? I believe your looking at the anterior, or palmar surface, of the left hand... and the structure demonstrated by the probe is the median nerve...But I could be wrong. Later! Leon

Lifan Group is a privately owned Chinese motorcycle and automobile manufacturer. Automobile manufacture only began in 2005, with license built microvans and a small sedan developed by Lifan themselves. Based in Chongqing, compact sedans, microvans, and hatchbacks are among its offerings. The company was ranked the 88th largest in China in 2009. Abroad, Lifan may be best known for the small passenger cars it sells in developing overseas markets but it also makes small dirt bike engines, entry-level motorcycles, mini-vehicles, and small and large commercial trucks. Other interests include manufacture of sports shoes and winemaking. Lifan's 2009 automobile sales were a modest 43,000, but the company still managed to place as China's third largest exporter of cars. 2010 production capacity was estimated to be near 300,000, twice what it had been in 2006.

This bail bondsman claims he needs a little bit more fire power in his hands. I think he needs bit less fork.

hustler publisher larry flynt offers $1 million for romney tax returns

young artist named martin woutisseth created this amazing 100% illustrated breaking bad intro


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