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Ernie's House of Whoopass! September 19, 2012
September 19, 2012

Which Pirate Ship is Mine? It's The SS Bad Motherfucker.

So yes, today is Talk Like A Pirate Day. Which I found pretty amusing back in 1995 when the movement first started, but now? Eh. I've seen a guy break a glass jar inside his ass, so that sets the internet entertainment bar pretty high.

So while not technically a pirate, Zorro is a fictional character created in 1919 by New York–based pulp writer Johnston McCulley. The character has been featured in numerous books, films, television series, and other media. Zorro -- Spanish for "Fox" -- is the secret identity of Don Diego de la Vega, a Californio nobleman and master living in the Spanish colonial era. The character has undergone changes through the years, but the typical image of him is a dashing black-clad masked outlaw who defends the people of the land against tyrannical officials and other villains. Not only is he much too cunning and foxlike for the bumbling authorities to catch, but he delights in publicly humiliating those same foes.

Ah, don't be so hard on him. Nowadays almost everyone has a fetish. They're more ubiquitous than the iPhone and almost as trendy. Even extreme and bizarre fetishes are considered more and more acceptable by the day. That's why certain fetishists have had to go to the absolute extreme to get their taboo kicks. After all, in a society that allows consenting adults to do just about anything together, the last frontier consists of fetishes that could very well get you or someone else killed.

Gentlemen, want to know how to unhook a bra quickly? Use your left hand. Sounds weird but trust me there is a biomechanical and bra design reason for this. Remember that the bra's design uses hooks and eyes as a clasp. The hooks are located on the left hand side of the bra and hence need to moved to to opposite for undoing. Biomechanically, your thumb is oppossed to and naturally moves underneath your fingers. So, using your left hand, slide your middle finger underneath the bra strap but close to the clasp. Position your thumb on top of bra strap and on the other side of the clasp and then make the motion of rubbing your thumb and finger together. So try using your left hand and >PING!< the clasp will unhook like magic. Trust me.

Ernie: Thought your audience would enjoy this video we just put together about Talk Like a Pirate Day. Hope you find it humARRRous enough to give it a mention on EHOWA! John

South Florida beaches use a uniform flag warning system to advise beachgoers of potential safety risks. These colored flags indicate the nature of the threat and the action government officials advise. The flag warning system is consistent throughout the state of Florida. The government describes each flag as follows: Red flags with a no swimming symbol indicate that the water is closed to the public. Red flags without a symbol indicate a high hazard from surf and/or currents. Yellow flags indicate a medium hazard from moderate surf and/or currents. Green flags indicate a low hazard with calm conditions. Beachgoers should still exercise caution. Purple flags indicate a hazard from dangerous marine life. These flags are used in conjunction with another colored flag indicating the current surf/current conditions. It is extremely important to monitor the flag warning system.

While there is only one way to chill your beer the fastest, there are of course, several ways to open said beer, although some of them do seems a little cartoonish, all things considered.

Kalaripayattu is an Indian martial art from the southern state of Kerala. One of the oldest fighting systems in existence, it is practiced in Kerala and contiguous parts of Tamil Nadu and Karnataka as well as northeastern Sri Lanka and among the Malayali community of Malaysia. Kalari payat includes strikes, kicks, grappling, preset forms, weaponry and healing methods. There are five steps and northern styles have ten postures (Ashta Vadivukal). Each stance has its own power combination, function and set of techniques. All the eight postures are based on animals, one of which is Simhavadivu, or the lion stance.

Ernie I know you are a big BTTF fan just like me. I saw this and the comments have some good videos. This one is real good. Also, I know in a couple months you will be doing LBEH. Paypal is convenient but rapes you in fees. Visa has a special discount rate of 1.35% + $0.05 for 501(c)3 charities. I think if you had that as the preferred method of payment and accept paypal and checks, you could get more money to the troops. Rajesh

Every time I see Michael J Fox like this, it just makes me sad.

Old and busted: the many mispronounciations of Sophia Vergara. The new hotness: the many animated GIFs of Sophia Vergara.

Miller Genuine Draft was introduced in 1985 as the original cold filtered packaged draft beer, which means that the beer is not pasteurized. MGD received the gold medal in the American-style Premium Lager category at the 1999 World Beer Cup. It also received the silver medal at the 2003 American Beer Festival. The concept for cold-filtered Miller Genuine Draft was developed by product consultant Calle & Company. Martin Calle evolved the concept from Miller's New Ventures effort to launch a new dry beer at a time Miller Brewing was in danger of becoming a much-cloned light beer manufacturer. MGD is actually made from the same recipe as Miller High Life but with a different treatment. It was developed to give High Life drinkers the same taste in a can or bottle as they found in non-pasteurized kegs.

Did you know that military chaplains get their own bodyguards? Huh. I would have thought God would take care of that.

name that movie, based upon the supporting cast (this shit is hard)

here it comes – democratic national committee calls for assault weapons ban?

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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