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Ernie's House of Whoopass! September 20, 2012
September 20, 2012

Gimme Some Sugar, Comrade.

While I was at the gun show this weekend, I almost pulled the trigger (hee hee!) on an old 1951 era Russian SKS. I have a Chinese knockoff made by Norinco back in the early 1990's which I take to the range, I wanted a genuine Russian rifle that I can tuck away in the back of my safe for a rainy day. The one I found was a little beat up, as one might expect for a 61 year old rifle, and from the nicks in the stock and wear marks on the breach, it had no doubt seem its fair share of sending rounds down range. This of courses raised the question of whether or not corrosive ammo was fired (most likely yes) and whether or not it was cleaned properly afterwards (most likely no). The guy was asking $450 and I probably could have gotten it for a little less than that, out the door around $425'ish or so, and I hemmed and hawed but ultimately kept my money in my pocket. Turns out I'm glad I did because as of 6pm last evening, here's my latest acquisition in the firearms department: an absolutely pristine, unfired Tula made Russian SKS from 1954. Original box, original paperwprk, original accessories. It's all numbers matching except for the buttplate -- I presume those were matched like the Mosins were, yes? -- and aside from being taken out for some photos, has never seen the light of day. I picked it up from some dude in Bradenton for $475 cash, well worth the extra $50 or so. And just how did I find this diamond int he rough? Like I told you, search Armslist, you hard headed son of a bitch! In related news, I need to pick up some muratic acid to get those rust stains off my deck.

And as a connoisseur of all things zombie, the first reviews of Resident Evil 6 are in. Bonus: it starts off with the President of the United States as a zombie, so I guess it's not really fiction based then? Bonus-Bonus: it looks like they incorporated some wrestling moves, so you can actually powerslam zombies? Hey speaking of, I ever tell you about the time I sat behind professional wrestler Triple H on a flight from Ft Myers to Manchester, NH? He of course sat in first class, and I was in the front row of the cattle section. Recognized who he was, didn't try to get an autograph or anything. Which is a good thing too, since as soon as the cabin door opened in New Hampshire he was out the fucking door, running over men, women, children, babies, puppies, kittens, whatever got in his way as he headed downstairs to a secluded corner of the terminal to make a phone call. I could swear that i had an Ernie Cam photo of him walking through the airport but fuck all if I can find it. Eh. Well anyway here he is -- and I remind you he struck me as a Grade-A Raging Asshole -- breaking character after seeing Trig Palin a Down Syndrome fan in the crowd, and inviting him into the ring. Pretty cool, actually.

President Lincoln and other Republicans were concerned that the Emancipation Proclamation, which in 1863 declared the freedom of slaves in ten Confederate states then in rebellion, would be seen as a temporary war measure, since it was solely based on Lincoln's war powers. The Proclamation did not free any slaves in the border states nor itself make slavery illegal. Thusly, the Thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution officially outlaws slavery and involuntary servitude, except as punishment for a crime. It was passed by the Senate on April 8, 1864, by the House on January 31, 1865, and adopted by Congress on December 6, 1865. It was the first of the three Reconstruction Amendments adopted after the American Civil War.

Big Ern, They finally opened a 5 Guys close enough to where I live that it doesn't have to become a pilgrimage (they opened on the USC campus. Smart!). So I'll see what the hype is about this week. In the meantime, here's a little tidbit from your adoptive state. Cheers, Charley. P.S.-- I think they flubbed the definition of "Donkey Show" IMO, but then I am not well versed in the terminology

Hey Ernie, check this out. Bill

In case you're curious as to why that's really fucking shocking, keep in mind that's a $2,500+ gun. Not to mention who may have gotten creamed from the shrapnel. Yeah, ouch. And guess which celebrity said this: "America is a country founded on guns. It's in our DNA. It's very strange but I feel better having a gun. I really do. I don't feel safe, I don't feel the house is completely safe, if I don't have one hidden somewhere. That's my thinking, right or wrong. I got my first BB gun when I was in nursery school. I got my first shotgun by first grade, I had shot a handgun by third grade and I grew up in a pretty sane environment.” You'd be surprised to find out.

Duke University's 26 varsity sports teams, known as the Blue Devils, compete in the Atlantic Coast Conference. The name comes from the French "les Diables Bleus" or "the Blue Devils," which was the nickname given during World War I to the Chasseurs Alpins, the French Alpine light infantry battalion. The Blue Devils have won twelve NCAA National Championships. The women's golf team has won five (1999, 2002, 2005, 2006 and 2007), the men's basketball team has won four (1991, 1992, 2001, and 2010), and the men's soccer (1986), women's tennis (2009), and men's lacrosse (2010) teams have won one each. Duke's major historic rival, especially in basketball, has been the Tar Heels of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

When Andy Roddick retired, the world was left with one less WAG, Brooklyn Decker. We all saw this coming, but still. I knew the man was about to leave the sport he has played his entire life, but I somehow forgot that his wife would be leaving as well. Brooklyn Decker is not the only WAG we will be seeing less of in 2013; there are another 24 lovely ladies who will be missed. Now let's not go crazy, it's not like these women are disappearing forever. They are just simply fading away from the WAG spotlight. So enjoy them while it lasts. I know I will.

Why couldn't I have been born as an inflatable raft? Jon

Ernie, A woman that is bat-shit crazy with daddy issues? What could possibly go wrong? When I read this quote it reminded me of my second wife...and I've only been married once: "When I got it tattooed, he held my cheeks open while I was choking myself from the pain. Then we ended up breaking up because he said he couldn't see us getting married or starting a family." Bret

Hey normally I'm pretty good at figuring out an entire phrase by picking out a few words here and there, but this one has got me stumped. Any suggestions?

A tongue piercing is a body piercing usually done directly through the center of the tongue, and is the most popular piercing site in the western world after the ear and nostril. The traditional placement for a tongue piercing is along the midline of the tongue, in the center of the mouth. It is often approximately .76 inches (1.9 cm) or so back from the tip of the tongue. It is placed with the top a little further back than the bottom, which allows the top of the jewelry to lean slightly back, away from the teeth, and toward the higher part of the upper palate where there is more room in the mouth. It is also usually positioned just in front of the attachment of the lingual frenulum. Because of the frequent movement of the tongue, jewelry size and comfort is especially important. Barbells that are too thin are prone to migration, causing discomfort and irritation. Tongue piercings can often be easily stretched to accommodate larger jewelry.

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