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Ernie's House of Whoopass! October 16, 2012
October 16, 2012

You Must Take Your Place In The Circle Of Life.

The bowline is among the most commonly used knots on a sailboat. With it, you can tie a rope in a loop around anything else to anchor the line. The bowline is not only strong and secure but is easy to break loose later, even when pulled tight under a load. Once you learn how to tie a bowline and get some practice, you'll never forget it, trust me.

Anyway. Patton Oswalt -- somene I often confuse with Eric Sonsetreet who plays Cameron on Modern Family -- is an American stand-up comedian, writer, actor and voice actor known for roles such as Spencer Olchin in the popular sitcom The King of Queens, and voicing Remy from the film Ratatouille and Thrasher from the Cartoon Network original series Robotomy. He also has an adorably racist 3-year-old baby.

Now to me, an outtake is a portion of a film that is removed in the editing process and not included in the work's final released version. In the digital era, outtakes have been appended to DVD reissues of many films as bonus tracks or features, for the sake of humor, synonymous with a gag reel. Examples: [Back to the Future - The Expendables - Firefly/Serenity - Sons of Anarchy - Supernatural] So here's something I just learned this morning. When referring to photos, an outtake may also mean the ones which are not released in the original set of photos, but doesn't nessacarily mean they're of any less quality than the originals, as proven by these Kate Upton outtakes from her recent Terry Richardson photoshoot.

Canning jar candles are very easy to make, make great gifts, and are only limited by your imagination. To start all you need are some old wide mouth canning jars, wire ribbon, potpourri, votive candles, small glass votive candle holders, and craft glue or a hot glue gun. If you don't have any old canning jars, you can find some very inexpensively at thrift stores and yard sales. Wire ribbon can be a little expensive. Look for it at yard sales and at craft store clearance sales. The after-Christmas sales a great time to stock up. One roll of ribbon will make several canning jar candles. Potpourri you can make yourself or buy on sale. Votive candles are inexpensive at stores like Target or Walmart, and you can also find glass votive candle holders very inexpensively at Walmart.

Hey man, been a long time reader but I finally have a question for you. The Walking Dead premier, they are moving through the prison (what kind of fences do they have in this prison) and they walk past the "sleeping" zombie twice before it wakes up and bites Hershal. To me this made no sense at all, dormant zombies? Or are we to believe they can think? An ambush strategy? Trevor

I can't believe I'm going to dissect (hee hee) an episode of TWD like this, but here goes. I would wager at this point, various stages of zombie decomposition would be getting pretty advanced, especially depending upon where they are and what elements they're exposed to. For example, I would guestimate that a zombie in a hot, humid climate would decompose faster than one in a cool, dry climate. The sleeper zombie in question has (I presume) spent a good portion of the apocalypse in the dark, wet bowels of a Georgia prison. So I'm theorizing here but perhaps his other senses such as sight and hearing have degraded so much, that the only stimulus he can react to is touch. Thus he laid dormant during all the shouting and flashlight waving, but when Hershell stepped on the fucker, he sprang to life and grabbed out at whatever and just so happened to get himself a nice hunk of old man leg. And in case you missed it ...cough...cough...DishTV sucks...cough...cough... here is the Season 3 premire for The Walking Dead, and along with a few spoilers/observations. Personally, I would question: why they didn't stab more zombies through the fence before venturing inside the yard; second, why the group went through great effort to clear out the fucking prison yard watchtowers, only to have Daryl stand watch over the prison yard... from on top a fucking bus; third, why didn't they fall back to their firearms after they encountered the prison guard zombies; and finally, why didn't they take some of their newly discovered prison guard guns on their little exploration trip.

Expounding upon yesterday's 50th anniversary of Dr No post, here is the Ursula Andress as Honey Penny, coming out of the water [still photos] in what was a very titilating scene at the time.

A surge protector is a piece of equipment that protects electrical devices from power surges. A power surge is an increase in the voltage, or “electrical pressure,” in an electrical circuit. Surges can be caused by lightning strikes, everyday activity on your local power grid and even the cycle patterns of high-energy appliances, like refrigerators and air conditioners. Over time, even relatively minor surges can take a toll on computers and other electronic products, which have more sensitive components than simple electrical appliances, like lamps or fans. Surge protectors can also protect larger appliances and power tools from damage.

Hey Ernie, long time reader, blah blah blah. That pic you had up this weekend with the girl with Dead Girls Don't Cry (NSFW) tattooed on her belly was hot. I tracked her down. Her name is Bonnie Rotten (SFW) and she does a little porn. JB

How well do Marvel vs DC superheroes fare in a battle at the US box office? This infographic compares the revenue performance each movie has made throughout the last 50 years with the price adjusted for inflation.

After cutting down some trees on his property to avoid them spilling onto his neighbor's lot, Jay Sperry received a $310.50 bill from the city. The bill was for sending city workers to mow the grass around his property's perimeter since Sperry had failed to do so himself after removing the trees, because somehow that equals hundreds of dollars. The city refused to budge on the bill, so Sperry paid it -- in pennies. He loaded 31,050 pennies -- that's 170 pounds of change -- into buckets and dropped them on a desk at City Hall. We assume the total number of coins could be substituted on a 1-for-1 basis for the amount of dicks Sperry respectfully asked city officials to eat.

Teletubbies is a British BBC children's television series targeted at pre-school viewers and produced from March 1997 to January 2002 by Ragdoll Productions. Teletubbies first aired on 31 March 1997, was syndicated in the United States on the Public Broadcasting Service (PBS) public television on 6 April 1998 and aired until 19 June 2005. Although the programm is aimed at children between the ages of one and four, it had a substantial cult following with older generations, mainly university and college students. The mixture of bright colors, unusual designs, repetitive non-verbal dialogue, ritualistic format, and the occasional forays into physical comedy appealed to many who perceived the programme as having psychedelic qualities. Teletubbies was controversial for this reason. Laa-Laa (played by Nikky Smedley) is the third Teletubby. She is yellow, and has a curly antenna. She likes to sing and dance, and is often seen to look out for the other Teletubbies.

everybody loves hypnotoad: the best shows within a show

not for the squeamish: 10 shocking x-rays of sharp objects embedded in people's bodies

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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