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I'd Celebrate Brake Fluid On The Hood Of Your Car.

Five pounds of candy. Absolutely zero trick-or-treaters. Not one. So now I'm stuck with five pounds of candy. Hellooooooo, diabeetus. Anyway, now that Halloween is over, are you wondering what to do with those pumpkins? Well, turn one into a beer keg, you hard drinkin fool.

Yes, That Is A Pair Of Sneakers With Lights In Them.

Anyone paying attention to this year's Presidential election better spend some time in a sports bar this Sunday. The Redskins Rule is a trend involving NFL football and our Presidential elections. In short, there is a correlation between the outcome of the most recent Washington Redskins home football game and the Presidential Election: when the Redskins win, the incumbent party wins the electoral vote for the White House; when they lose, the non-incumbent party wins. On Novermber 4th, the Redskins will play against the Carolina Panthers so this will be the last home game for the Redskins before the 2012 Presidential Election which will take place on November 6th. According to the rule, if the Redskins win the game, then Barack Obama will be re-elected for a second term; if the Panthers win instead, then

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

I'm Pretty Sure There's a "Jesus Saves" Joke In There Somewhere.

Personally, I think it's kind of weird to put stock in such things, but the Carolina Panthers say one thing and the San Francisco Giants say another. Looks to me like ROmney has the edge there. but believe in that crap or not, tomorrow is the day. Tomorros is the day we find out whose effigy is going to be burned at Middle Eastern protests over the next four years. Now if you're like me and believe the two-party system is dividing us into opposing tribes of extremists, then perhaps you'll consider

I Will Never Post About Politics Ever Again. For Realz.

But as my final hurrah, perhaps I can offer some insight as to why one might waste -- and we'll get to that in a minute -- their vote on Gary Johnson. And to preface this argument, both he and I along with most of his supporters realize that he is not going to be President in 2012. And that's okay, because getting just 5% of the popular vote is a major game changer in American politics. Here's why.

These Election Results Brought To You By The Letters "F" and "U".

Yesterday morning I spend 2 hours and 45 minutes waiting in line at the polls before being able to cast my vote. Throughout the day, the wait timed exceeded 4 hours. So then because The Boss Lady didn't get out of work until 4:30, I went back down to the polls and got in line at 3pm, so she could get her vote in before the polls closed at 7pm. I spent 2 more hours in line for her before she got home, come to find out later that once you're in line they have to let you vote. After grabbing something to eat, I made one final drive past my polling place around 8:30 last night, and there was still a line of people waiting to vote going out as far as the two-hour-marker. So I suspect some of them didn't make it back from voting until well after 11pm, which is completely fucking crazy. By the time I went to bed around 10:30 last evening,

See, Third Party Isn't Always Bad.

McDonald's Sweet tea is a briskly refreshing blend of orange pekoe and pekoe cut black tea, sweetened to perfection. While most disposable fast food cups including those made of paper are not easily recyclable, McDonalds choice of a styrofoam cup for its sweet tea promotion is significant. They put sweet tea in the styrofoam because it is better insulated and it's supposed to have lots of ice and stay cold for the best flavor. Usually sweet tea is poured warm so it already melts the ice an dpotentially the wax lining used to waterproof normal paper cups, where as soft drinks are poured already cold.

It's Very Reassuring To Know I'm Not The Only One Who Does This.

A man who is performing the wingman duty is obligated to entertain the designated ugly or fat friend (DUFF) of the girl his buddy is trying to score with. This duty can range anywhere from buying a drink to leaving the bar with her. Should one thing lead to another, and the wingman ends up hooking up with the DUFF, an immediate vow of silence is understood and the wingman shall never hear of it again. So it is decreed in the Official Man Laws.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Website? Check. Paypal? Check. AMEX? Check. Okay... Let's Bring Em Home!

The economy. The wars. The elections. The hurricane. I don't know about you, but as an American I feel kind of, well, drained. Exhausted. Burned out. So it's about time that I make the venture up north and spend some time with my family to recharge the ol batteries, because nothing shrugs off the weight of the world quite like some time spent around the dinner table with your roots. And if I feel the need to recharge, and you feel the need to recharge, think about all those poor folks in uniform feel, and how bad they need some face time with their families. And as the most overworked and underpaid demographic in this nation, not all of them will have the financial means to do so. But you and I can help that.

He Wrote The Music. He Wrote The Words. That's Elmo's Song.

Lucky Seven Records was founded by the British band Madness, allowing this new record label enabled them to release their new material. Lucky Seven Records isn't the first Madness Label to be set up; Zarjazz Records, a sub label of Virgin Records released the Madness album Mad Not Mad, music from the Fink Brothers along with Feargal Sharkey's first single. Another Virgin sub-label, Live & Intensified, existed solely to release The Dangermen Sessions Vol. 1 and its associated singles. Although Zarjazz signed other artists, it is currently unknown whether Lucky Seven Records will ever sign any other acts.

This Is How I Feel Trying To Get Ready For Vacation.

Charging Bull, which is sometimes referred to as the Wall Street Bull or the Bowling Green Bull, is a 7,100 lb bronze sculpture by Arturo Di Modica that stands in Bowling Green Park near Wall Street in Manhattan, New York City. Standing 11 feet tall and measuring 16 feet long, the oversize sculpture depicts a bull, the symbol of aggressive financial optimism and prosperity, leaning back on its haunches and with its head lowered as if ready to charge. The sculpture is both a popular tourist destination which draws thousands of people a day, as well as one of the most iconic images of New York and a Wall Street icon symbolizing Wall Street and the Financial District.

Only Two More Days Until I Venture North For Some Time Off.

So I Google search "four door convertible wrap around windshield" and I get steered towards the Pontiac Catalina. Does anyone know if that's what kind of car this is?

How About A Nice Cup Of Sanka? Is That Something You Might Be Interested In?

Well, today will be my last full post for the next two weeks. I'll be able to get up some weekend'ish high-speed-low-drag posts, but I'm not going to cut too far into family time.

Chevy Runs Deep. Deep Into Your Fucking Pockets, That Is.

Each year for my quest north, I always roll in a rental car. I'm putting 4,000 miles on a behicle in just 2 weeks, so I sure as shit don't want that vehicle to be mine. And since I'm bringing two dogs along, size is just as important as gas mileage. of the seven trips I've made so far, the unanimous winner is the VW Routan full sized minivan; which while I know it's just a rebadged Dodge Caravan, somehow everything just seemed to be better than its American counterpart. And I'll tell you what. even the now defunct Kia Rondo was worth its salt. But this year? The creme dela creme of raging pieces of shit. The epitome of why GM is failing: the Chevy Equinox. Oh. My. Fucking. God. What a piece of shit. Choppy, jerky transmission? Check. Uncomfortable seats? Check. Wasted real estate all over the dashboard? Check. No real storage to speak of? Check. Cheap plastic interior? Check. And mileage? What's the site say? An adv

Open Up! It Isn't A Fit Night Out For Man Nor Beast.

So my brother has to lop down this big ass 75' tree in his back yard; about, eh, maybe 3' in diameter at the base. The tree is dead, he's got a wood burning stove, you do the math. Evidently the chainsaws he already has aren't big enough, so it was out to get some 87cc thing with a 25" bar on it. Searching around Craigslist, and find just the Husqvarna that he's looking for at a local pawn shop, of all fucking places. So we throw a big hunk of oak tree in the back of his pickup truck and head down there. You want to talk about the fucking Island of Misfit Toys. How-leee shit. You could tell they had some stuff that had been purchased fairly recently -- a Playstation 3, for example -- and some stuff that had been pawned a long ass time ago, because the price reflected it. Like a used wireless mouse for $29. Anyway, I met Crackhead Bob; who was more than willing to offer his opinion on used chainsaws, and baseball cards, and Civil War

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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