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Ernie's House of Whoopass! November 1, 2012
November 1, 2012

I'd Celebrate Brake Fluid On The Hood Of Your Car.

Five pounds of candy. Absolutely zero trick-or-treaters. Not one. So now I'm stuck with five pounds of candy. Hellooooooo, diabeetus. Anyway, now that Halloween is over, are you wondering what to do with those pumpkins? Well, turn one into a beer keg, you hard drinkin fool.

IKEA is a Swedish privately held, international home products company that designs and sells ready-to-assemble furniture such as beds, chairs, desks, appliances and home accessories. The company is the world's largest furniture retailer. Founded in Sweden in 1943 by 17-year-old Ingvar Kamprad, who later became one of the richest people in the world, the company's name is an acronym comprising the initials of the founder's name (Ingvar Kamprad), the farm where he grew up (Elmtaryd), and his hometown (Agunnaryd). IKEA products are identified by single word names. Most of the names are Scandinavian in origin. Although there are some notable exceptions, most product names are based on a special naming system developed by IKEA. For example, DUKTIG (meaning: good, well-behaved) is a line of children's toys, OSLO is a name of a bed, BILLY (a Swedish masculine name) is a popular bookcase, DINERA (meaning: (to) dine) for tableware, KASSETT (meaning: cassette) for media storage.

If you happened to catch any NFL action over the last two weeks, many of the cheerleading squads around the league wear costumes leading up to October 31, and, believe it or not, these costumes are in some cases even hotter than the outfits they normally wear. So today here's a showing of the sexiest NFL cheerleader Halloween costumes. Marilyn Monroe FTW!

Getting away from it all, having someone else clean up after you, and not having to worry about the daily grind all seem like awesome reasons to spend a few nights in a hotel. Or maybe you travel for business and are a regular visitor to hotels. No matter the reason you are staying in a hotel, there are important health traps you should know about in order to protect yourself. Ice buckets are often overlooked for cleaning. Apparently, it is common for hotel guests to use the empty ice buckets for a vomit container, then they are simply rinsed with water and put back on the counter top. Housekeeping staff may glance at the bucket and think it is clean, but in reality, it is not. These containers with remnants of vomit can spread norovirus, among other diseases.

While his selection of cars seems endless, James Bond keeps to his usual score of three sex partners per movie. However, as befits the more lavish Goldfinger, we actually have five legitimate Bond girls this go-round. It's just that Bond respectfully keeps his hands off of one and apparently never quite reaches home plate with another. To be more specific... And don't worry, Goldfinger gets his, even if you can't really get sucked out of a plane like that.

Hey Ernie, Like you, I was sickened by what appeared to be animal torture by some sick fuck. However there was a follow-up news story and video (there's a related link on the original story) that claims the dog may have tried to jump the fence to escape and got snagged when it failed to clear it. Nonetheless, passersby did nothing for 3 hours -- possibly afraid of getting bitten by a stressed animal -- until someone called police to respond. --steve

the truth about the internet girl who misspells "their". Jay

Ernie, It was announced today, November 1, 2012, here in Australia, that Corporal Daniel Keighran, 6 Battalion, Royal Australian Regiment, was to be awarded the Victoria Cross For Valour for his actions that day in Darapet, 2010. Regards.(humbly). Stu.

Parents have been telling their kids for ages to never accept candy from a stranger or to get in a van just because the nice man said so. While I personally never say no to free stuff you might want to reconsider if you care at all about your personal safety. Even though these vans may convey a safe and friend environment, you never know what lurks around the corner. Check out these 22 awesome FUCKING AWSOME vans and judge for yourself.

A conifer cone is an organ on plants in the division Pinophyta (conifers) that contains the reproductive structures. The familiar woody cone is the female cone, which produces seeds. The male cones, which produce pollen, are usually herbaceous and much less conspicuous even at full maturity. The name "cone" derives from the fact that the shape in some species resembles a geometric cone. The individual plates of a cone are known as scales. The male cone is structurally similar across all conifers, differing only in small ways from species to species. The female cone contains ovules which, when fertilized by pollen, become seeds. The female cone structure varies more markedly between the different conifer families, and is often crucial for the identification of many species of conifers.

Most of us don't know much about funeral homes -- I hope you get cancer and die! -- apart from what goes on in the chapel or auditorium. If the casket is open, we may see the body of a friend or loved one lying peacefully as if they were asleep. For many people, there is comfort in this last serene image of the person to whom they have come to say goodbye. But a lot goes on behind the scenes to get to this stage.

what would it take to stop an out-of-control freight train using only bb guns?

gun buybacks endanger citizens, help crooks and crooked officials

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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