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Ernie's House of Whoopass! November 5, 2012
November 5, 2012

I'm Pretty Sure There's a "Jesus Saves" Joke In There Somewhere.

Personally, I think it's kind of weird to put stock in such things, but the Carolina Panthers say one thing and the San Francisco Giants say another. Looks to me like ROmney has the edge there. but believe in that crap or not, tomorrow is the day. Tomorros is the day we find out whose effigy is going to be burned at Middle Eastern protests over the next four years. Now if you're like me and believe the two-party system is dividing us into opposing tribes of extremists, then perhaps you'll consider casting your vote for Liberty instead of the bullshit status quo. "More liberal than Obama on civil liberties and more conservative than Romney on the budget, Johnson doesn't care who wins tomorrow. Either way, the American public will know how similar the two mainstream parties are, he says."

The 2009 Dodge Challenger SRT8, while still equipped with the 6.1L Hemi V8, is virtually identical to its 2008 counterpart, with the main difference being the choice of either a 5-speed automatic or a 6-speed manual transmission. A "Spring Special" SRT8 Challenger was also offered in B5 Blue, but due to rolling plant shutdowns, just over 250 Spring Special Challengers were built before the end of the 2009 model year. For 2010, SRT8 models added Detonator Yellow as an available color (at extra cost), and only with the optional "Special Edition Group". Yellow Challengers were only be built for a limited time in the 2010 model year. Another retro color, Plum Crazy Purple, was also available during Spring 2010 production, offered exclusively in the "Spring Special" package. Furious Fuchsia, similar to the 70s Panther Pink, was limited to one-day production at the Brampton, Ontario plant. The Furious Fuschsia Challengers, unlike previous limited edition Challengers, also featured a custom interior with white seats as well as black rims.

The past held some pretty crazy predictions for the future, some of which society has actually lived up to. Stuff like Skype, mobile phones, personal computers, and hang gliders were all drawn up in a hilarious sci-fi manner different from reality only in its style. Many other predictions, however, were just plain absurd. According to the past, we should now all be living on various planets throughout the solar system, flying our own personal planes/ufos/jet packs, and doing little to no physical activity whatsoever since even a task as simple as brushing your hair is now the responsibility of machines. The last part isn't too far off the mark after all. Here are 32 vintage predictions of the future that will have you wishing you lived in a parallel dimension.

So given you're going to feel like this tomorrow evening after the elections anyway, here's a cringe-worthy anatomy lesson. The urethra is a tube that connects the urinary bladder to the genitals for the removal of fluids from the body. In males, the urethra travels through the penis, and carries semen as well as urine. In females, the urethra is shorter and emerges above the vaginal opening. Women use their urethra only for urinating, but men use their urethra for both urinating and ejaculating. The external urethral sphincter is a striated muscle that allows voluntary control over urination. The ureters are tubes made of smooth muscle fibers that propel urine from the kidneys to the urinary bladder. In the adult, the ureters are usually 3-4mm in diameter, while urethras average 6-8mm in diameter.

And in case you haven't noticed, there's a new kind of beer war brewing out there. And no, it's the battle of “whose light yellow beer-flavored water tastes less terrible.” It's for who can make the strongest, most alcoholic brew in the world. Why is this war being waged? Well, basically, just for bragging rights—and of course the free publicity. You see, whenever you announce that you have concocted the new strongest beer in the world, lots of newspapers, websites, and blogs write about your brewery, and that strengthens your brand. Anyway, today we're going to take a tour of the world's strongest beers. Not only do they boast an insanely high alcohol content, but in many cases they have fantastic names and labels. So really it's a win-win.

Heya Ernie, Just moved down here this summer from Kodiak, AK. If you ever want a tour of the Coast Guard Airstation down here in Clearwater, let me know. I looked for you at universal HHN, but as you know, there were shitloads of people there. So anyway, I was coming out of the Winghouse from lunch today and saw this pulling in, I had to pull around and snap a couple of pics. It's the most beautiful, well done car that I've seen in a LONG time. Take care, TK

I know you love trains - Water [sewer] truck being hit by a train. Eric

Here's a book for you: Adam Tyler was used to setting the rules and being a bachelor -- then he became a single dad. His little girl had him wrapped around her finger. He knew he needed a nanny, but a wife? As the only unmarried woman in Deerhorn, Wisconsin, Stacy Poplar figured she was just about past her shelf life. And she was determined to learn about the steamy side of love from a hunk! Theirs was the perfect temporary arrangement. Stacy spent her days keeping house and kissing boo-boos -- and her nights in Adam's bed where he showed her the pleasures she'd never known. Then the townsfolk set out -- with a little help from a pint-size matchmaker -- to make sure it would last a lifetime.

Jessica Hall is another of our all-time favorites. She first appeared in September 2007 and she's been one of our most popular models ever since. Jessica currently has a radio show on Sirius with the Playboy channel. We followed up the first shoot with another incredible lingerie shoot in one of our favorite studios in Los Angeles. You'll love the photos with the red, heart-shaped guitar as Jessica has lots of fun with that set.

As air conditioners go, York is widely considered a budget option compared to high-end brands such as Trane. York air conditioner prices are lower than most other brands, but that doesn't mean you're getting a product built to fail. York offers solid warranties, including the option on its higher-end system for a lifetime warranty, and its systems usually live long lives. York air conditioner prices aren't made available for the consumer. Contractors and wholesalers buy air conditioners from York at different prices -- often depending on the size of the order -- and the consumer ends up paying the contractor for the combined cost of the system and installation.

Tamar Fellman was a huge roller coaster fan who also happened to be a Harvard MBA. Sadly, her Ivy League school didn't teach her that it's dangerous to stand on roller coasters. In 2003, Fellman was visiting Holiday World and Splashin' Safari in Indiana for their annual Stark Raven Mad roller coaster fan event. The spirited and intelligent Fellman was eager to try out The Raven, reputedly one of the most terrifying roller coasters in the world. The student was strapped into her seat at the rear of the car but apparently unbuckled herself to stand during the ride, a practice known as catching airtime. Witnesses reported that Fellman was “virtually standing up” in the roller coaster car. Sadly, Tamar caught a little too much air during the coaster's fifth turn and plummeted 69 feet to the ground. Fellman was pronounced dead on her way to the hospital.

not safe for your penis: the 10 most horrific russian torture devices

URGENT: THESE 21 SANDY-DISPLACED DOGS AND CATS NEED YOU TO ADOPT AND FOSTER THEM!


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