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Ernie's House of Whoopass! November 9, 2012
November 9, 2012

It's Very Reassuring To Know I'm Not The Only One Who Does This.

A man who is performing the wingman duty is obligated to entertain the designated ugly or fat friend (DUFF) of the girl his buddy is trying to score with. This duty can range anywhere from buying a drink to leaving the bar with her. Should one thing lead to another, and the wingman ends up hooking up with the DUFF, an immediate vow of silence is understood and the wingman shall never hear of it again. So it is decreed in the Official Man Laws.

At the beginning of Casino Royale, the first James Bond movie starring Daniel Craig, 007 travels to the Bahamas to get information from a lackey of Le Chiffre, the main villain. In one scene, Bond was supposed to be swimming at the beach when he sees the wife riding on a horse and the two make eye contact. She was supposed to be the eye candy there, but that's not how it turned out. Craig says that while shooting the scene, he accidentally hit an awkwardly situated sandbank that forced him to stand up and walk out of the water, instead of just floating off as the script said, thus showcasing his sculpted torso and causing Bond-gasms in the entire female audience. The image of Craig stepping out of the water ended up being plastered all over the promotional material for the film, with many people assuming that it was a nod to Ursula Andress emerging from the beach in the first Bond movie ever, Dr. No, or a reference to Halle Berry doing the same thing in the shittiest one, Die Another Day. Anyway, the closest beach scene in Thunderball was just before the underwater fight scene.

Crate training is often practiced with new puppies as a method of house-training. Puppies naturally do not want to dirty the place where they sleep, so they will try as much as possible to hold it while they are in their crate. Of course, young puppies can not control their bladders for long: about one hour for every month of age. Owners of young dogs will have to continue to take the puppy outside frequently. Crate training is the process by which a domestic pet becomes accustomed to and eventually accepts a crate. This can involve making a crate an inviting place by placing small familiar toys inside, moving the pet bed into crate, leaving unwashed items of the owner's clothing inside, rewarding pets for entering the crate and remaining inside, incorporating the crate as part of play, feeding the pet in the crate, allowing the pet to explore and use the crate until it is no longer intimidating, and eventually building to the pet sleeping in the crate overnight.

Actors who fall from grace are always fascinating; after all, everyone loves a good train wreck. And in the unpredictable world of Hollywood, high-flying careers can crash and burn in the blink of an eye. It's amazing how actors as famous as The Lost Boys' Corey Feldman or as memorable as Carrie-Anne Moss from the Matrix series wound up starring in some of the worst movies of all time. Here are famous A-list actors who went to the Z-list – in some truly dreadful B-movie horrors.

The GT46C ACe are a model of Australian diesel electric locomotives built by Downer Rail using EMD components. The class was a new and innovative design for Australian conditions based on other locomotives produced by Downer EDI, such as the Queensland Rail 4000 class and the Westrail / FreightLink / Freight Australia GT46C. The QR 4000 class used a 12-cylinder EMD 710 engine, based on the USA built SD70MAC with scaled down traction motors, while the GT46C used a 16-cylinder EMD 710 engine with DC traction systems. The American SD70ACe was EMD's 2nd generation AC loco with IGBT inverters, but was too large and heavy for the Australian interstate standard gauge network, weighting in at 188 tonnes when the limit was 134 tonnes. In addition, the GT46C design was already at the 134 tonne limit, even before adding inverters, heavier traction motors and more cooling capacity for higher power engine, and there was a requirement that fuel capacity could not be sacrificed.

Hey Ernie, I saw your post about the Chinese cat-nappers today. Let me share a personal story. When I lived in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, my friend had a bar called "Chequers". It was just a simple hole-in-the-wall place with half of the seating outside. He had a bar cat, who was hostile in every fucking way to just about everyone, except for the barmaid that fed him. So one early dusk, I was in there having a drink and minding my own business, when the barmaid suddenly ran out of the bar and down the street screaming. Her sister said in the most calm way, "I think you'd better go help her." Having no idea what was going on, I took off down the street behind her. She was yelling and screaming at two homeless-looking Vietnamese dudes (the Viets are widely despised in Cambodia) who were carrying 100 pound rice sacks full of cans and bottles (Yes! They recycle over there, too!) They were ignoring her but when they saw the puffy drunk 'Murrican coming, they quickly dumped out the shocking surprise: out of one of the bags came a limp, dead-looking cat. Turns out, whilst collecting cans up and down the street, they saw the bar cat, and whacked it on the head with a bamboo pole they use to root around shit, and stuffed it in the bag to eat later. (Cambodians do not eat cats, that's why I can say with confidence they were Victor Charlie!) As an animal-lover, I went fucking ballistic on these assholes. One was smart enough to drop his shit and run; the other tried to hold his ground. Since I was relatively fit from playing rugby at the time, I beat him down, and gave him a few well-placed kicks in the torso. I stopped when for some reason I thought, "If I kick this bitch in the teeth with sandals on, I might get cut and get AIDS." So I let him run away, too, and they stood far away whilst watching me give the scatter treatment to all their hard work over the wall of a government building. I got many slaps on the back and a few beers out of ex-pats and locals the same. It turns out that the cat didn't die, but instead became the nicest, coolest fucking bar cat in the world. It was like he knew I saved him from the kettle, and whenever I came over, he'd jump up on the bars and curl up around my beer, and sit there while I blew weed smoke in his face! (We got high together.) Cheers, Charley

Old joke: what's the difference between a sweing machine and a lady jogger? A sewing machine only has one bobbin!

Many suspect the ABC anchor was Diane Sawyer drunk during the Presidential elections, but as the tape shows, she was not alone. Nor were any white people anyone alone in mourning Romney.

Competitive eating, or speed eating, is a sport in which participants compete against each other to consume large quantities of food in a short time period. Contests are typically less than 15 minutes in length, with the person consuming the most food being declared the winner. Competitive eating is most popular in the United States and Japan, where organized professional eating contests often offer $10,000 or more in prize money. Competitive eaters are sometimes known as "gurgitators," a word used by those close to the sport and an assumed opposite of regurgitation. Many professional competitive eaters undergo rigorous personal training in order to increase their stomach capacity and eating speed with various foods. Stomach elasticity is usually considered the key to eating success, and competitors commonly train by drinking large amounts of water over a short time to stretch out the stomach. Others combine the consumption of water with large quantities of low calorie foods such as vegetables or salads. Some eaters chew large amounts of gum in order to build jaw strength.

Most football fans in North America are probably pretty wrapped up in NFL and NCAA action these days, and that's understandable. But here at TotalProSports we like to give the CFL a little love from time to time, too. And since the 2012 CFL playoffs get underway this weekend in Calgary and Toronto, what better time could there be to look back at the regular season and assess…the cheerleaders. That's right, the cheerleaders. We know some of you out there might not care who the MVP favorites are, and you probably wonder what the heck an Alouette even is (it's a bird). But every football fan on earth loves cheerleaders. And the CFL has cheerleaders. Hot ones. So, if you're not a big CFL fan, take a look at this list and see what you've been missing.

The People to People Student Ambassador Program is a travel service based in Spokane, Washington offering domestic and international travel opportunities to middle and high school students. The group was founded in 1956 and reincorporated in 1995. Since its founding, nearly half a million students, adults and athletes have participated in the ambassador programs. Since 2002, the services offered have been operated by Ambassadors Group, a public company. Though open to international primary and secondary school students, programs are primarily for American students aged 10 through 18. The typical length of a program is three weeks for a group of thirty to forty students.

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