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Ernie's House of Whoopass! December 6, 2012
December 6, 2012

Hey Mister, Can You Spare A Little Change For The Troops?

Unfortunately, the fundraising efforts for LBEH have gotten off to a rather curdled start this year, and I have to admit I'm to blame.

As you all know, each year I drive north to see the family for a couple of weeks, and usually this happens late in December when LBEH is winding down. This year due to The Boss Lady not being able to get time off for Christmas, I ended up traveling for Thanksgiving instead, right when LBEH kicked off. So because of that, we're running WAAAAYYYY behind in donations this year and I was hoping you might be able to lend a hand? We still have a few weeks left in this year's campaign, and I'm sure we're going to receive more ticket requests until the end of the year!

My mom and dad is very sick, mom is unemployed (disability), dad is working hard but has heart problems. I dont know if this is my last time I get to see them. For 18 years straight we always shoot fireworks for new years, until I went to boot camp and missed Thanksgiving and New Years. I am having financial troubles trying to keep up with USMC band expenses and other problems. I know I only get this ticket once, but maybe this will be the last time I spend time with my mom and dad these holidays. I have been suffering a lot this last month thinking of this and this ticket will help me a lot. If you are not able to help that is fine, I atleast wanted to try asking. This is my last option for getting a ticket. Thank you for your time and help. - Unnamed Marine stationed at Camp Foster near Okinawa City

So there you have it folks. As of right now we're at a $49k defecit in regards to ticket requests vs the amount of donations that have come in this year. So ultimately whether or not I tell this young warrior, "pack a bag because you're going home," or, "sorry kid we just can't help," is totally up to you. So if you haven't already done so, throw me a solid and toss a few bucks into the pot to buy these folks some plane tickets for Christmas. And remember, all of the donated funds go directly to tickets, not to turn my place into some Home of the Tech Geek.

Hans Gruber lookalike and cocaine baron Amado Fuentes was practically a real life James Bond villain. He had the whole package: a vast, drug-based Mexican empire; incredible hardware, including a fleet of 727 jets to transport his product; he even had plastic surgery to alter his appearance. However, during the eight-hour operation, he apparently died of complications caused either by a medication or a malfunctioning respirator. On November 7, 1997, the bodies of the two physicians who performed the surgery on Fuentes were found dead, encased in concrete inside steel drums, with their bodies showing signs of torture. And he was rich. At the time of his death from medical complications, his net worth was estimated to be around $25 billion, which would make him the richest criminal of all time.

You know someone that I can't decide is hot or not? Jennifer Carpenter, aka Dexter's sister Debra Morgan. In some interviews she looks kind of creepy, and in others she looks ridiculously hot. She's like Seinfeld's Two-Face.

Hey Ernie.... I guess this is from the "no shit" news department; found a few minutes ago. John

Don't bother scrolling down if you happen to read this story. You'll only be as dissapointed as I was with the video. Talk about getting someone's hopes up [video]. Bret

These Detroit firefighters pull two dogs out of a house fire... the owner was kind of (anxious) dick at first, but in the end? Why I think I have something in my eye.

Of all the massive threats the Unted States is facing, porn is certainly NOT among them. Statistics show that everyone watches porn thrice per day. Thrice. If you feel that my stats are suspect, I invite you to read these even more terrifyingly awesome real statistics, which indicate that the biggest porn site on the web,, gets 4.4 billion hits per month. It streams 1 terabyte of data every second. Only insane sites like Google and Facebook pull in more traffic. Youporn, which ranks second to XVideos, is still about six times the size of Hulu. And then there's PornHub. With 2.5 billion views a month, PornHub is a busy place, and in October of 2012, they decided to be good Samaritans by offering up money for a good cause. For every viewer who checked out some porn featuring boobies, PornHub would donate cash to Susan G. Komen for the Cure. The official deal was one cent for every 30 views of videos in the big or small boobies categories. By the end of the month, PornHub had raised $25,000. Susan G. Komen and her cronies, however, were all "This exploitative porn money isn't cool" and rejected any involvement, leaving PornHub to find a new charity to accept their cash. By the time they had found one, they were up to $75,000 so they donated $25k to three different charities. Fuck you Komen foundation!

And in case you missed it yesterday for some inexplicable reason, here is a topless Kate Uption getting sprayed in the face with a hose. You're welcome.

exploring the remains of england's top-secret turbine testing site

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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