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Ernie's House of Whoopass! December 17, 2012
December 17, 2012

I Don't Wanna Break Up The Meeting Or Nothin', But She's Somethin' Of A Cunt, Ain't She Doc?

If there is one positive note coming out of Friday's senseless slaughter -- and why this has never happened before I don't know but I suspect it's because this particular tragedy was so abhorrent given the age of the victims -- it's that people on both sides of the gun debate are talking about the real problem: we have a mental health problem in this country. If you look at all of the mass murders that have made headlines over the past few years; with the exception of Virginia Tech (Seung-Hui Cho was Korean), they've all been white males in their early 20's. Which is right about the perfect age for the onset of schizophrenia. Now some of the perpetrators used semiautomatic handguns, some used revolvers, some used assault weapons (I hate that phrase), some used shotguns, some used rifles, some used knives. Some even used two or three different weapons. Hell a father even blew himself and his two kids up in a gas filled house while a screaming social worked looked on. But after the the caskets have been laid to rest, after the police reports have been filed, what did ALL of these bastards -- without exception -- have in common? Some sort of mental instability. I mean think about it, people are struggling to find a motive as to why Lanza would kill 20 schoolchildren. As if such a thing could be rationalized? As if any sane person could possibly understand why in hell a person could justify shooting a kindergartener eleven times? Lanza could be alive right now, to map out his motive using crayons and color charts, and we still wouldn't understand. Why? because he was fucking crazy. Sane people will never understand why insane people do the things they do.

So out of morbid curiosity, I took a look at my health insurance policy -- I'm sponging off The Boss Lady's policy through her employer, as opposed to when I was paying out of pocket as a self employed schmuck. Let's say that my life turned into a country music song; my wife leaves me, my dog dies, my pickup truck gets stolen, and my house burns down. What's my health insurance plan offer for the ol noodle? I'll tell you: the screen cap is a little tough to read but the important part (under Behavioral health) reads, "Not covered by Aetna. Covered under APS Healthcare. Refer to State Employee and Retirees Benefits Guide for information." Translation: GET FUCKED.

Well this got me to thinking, just how expensive is mental health care? If my life did start to top the County and Western charts and I honestly sought help, what would it cost me? I did a search for "psychologist cape coral" and aside from a few "how to quit smoking" offers came up with two clinical psychologists who offer one-on-one therapy for an adult. I tried calling the one closest to me, but got an answering machine. The second was in Fort Myers and right on their homepage clearly state, "Due to new regulations for all insurance companies, all sessions will now be reduced to 45 minutes in length." Looks like I'm going to have to wag my finger even faster than I thought, eh? So I called them up and asked the cost per session for an uninsured patient. "$170 for the initial visit, $150 for every subsequent visit." I did some online searching for how often a person in therapy has to visit their shrink and got anywhere from once per week to five times a week. So let's assume that I'm not that bonkers, and I only have to visit twice a week. At $150 per visit and two visits per week, that's $15,620 per year, including the extra $20 for the initial consult.

But don't worry, I can just go visit my primary care physician and explain the same problem to him and he'll promptly write me a prescription for... let's say TWO anti-depressants. At a $20 co-pay per prescription per month, that's $480 per year. And let's be honest, anti-depressants won't actually cure me of my illness , it will just mask the symptoms. Kind of like going to the emergency room with a broken leg and instead of setting your broken bone and putting you in a cast, they hand you a year's prescription for morphine and shove you back out the door. Now compare the two: over $15,000 dollars to actually treat your problem, or under $500 bucks just to hide it. Since this is all coming out of my pocket, which option do you think I'm going to opt for? So then, as my untreated mental illness just gets worse and worse, festering under my pharmaceutical band-aid, what do you think is going to happen should I ever go off my medication? My point being, it is literally cost prohibitive to be concerned about your mental health in this country. That's what people should really be saying when tragedies like this happen.

Instead we turn it into a fucking media feeding frenzy with three dimensional animations of the killing and microphones shoved into crying five year old's faces. And never one to let a good tragedy go to waste, Uber-cunt Senator Diane Feinstein from California is introducing legislation to reinstate the federal Assault Weapon ban today. Because you know, that's the real the problem, right? Connecticut has some of the strictest gun laws in the country, including an existing assault weapon already in place. The Brady Campaign rated Connecticut #5 in fact (PDF WARNING) with the leaders being California (go figure), New Jersey, Massachusetts, and New York. So 45 other states trail behind Connecticut in regards to regulating who can buy guns, and what they can buy, and how many they can buy, and how often they can buy, and how big they can buy. Yet somehow despite all of these restrictions, Lanza managed to commit mass murder. If the "facts" in the media can be believed -- these first few days following any sort of catastrophic news event seem to be more conjecture than truth -- here's what we know so far. A few days prior to the shooting, Lanza went to buy a gun but was denied the purchase because he failed the instant NICS background check. So from that perspective, existing gun control laws worked like a charm, as it prevented a firearm from being sold to a potentially dangerous person, right? But that didn't stop him; he went home and -- how we don't know yet -- somehow acquired his mother's firearms; firearms which she purchased legally after having gone through all of the background check and licensing and fingerprinting and registering as required by the state of Connecticut. So in support of what pro-gun people have been saying for years, if a criminal wants to get their hands on a gun to commit a crime, they will. In this case, the guy actually killed his own fucking mother to get one. Again, the problem isn't the guns, it's the nutjobs that want them.

And kill me for using this reference since I think it's the sport of rednecks -- but take a look at NASCAR racing. Originally called stock car racing and it started some 60 or 70 years ago when guys would race stock vehicles -- that is to say no modifications, straight off the dealer showroom floor. As time pushed on, the rules changes allowing more and more off-track modifications to where nowadays the only thing "stock" about a stock car is the model name of the car. You see interviews or news reports where Driver So-And-So is racing a new Ford Mustang.... but the only thing his Ford Mustang has in common with a stock street Ford Mustang is the little horsie emblem. Absolutely nothing on today's stock cars is stock anymore; not the engine, transmission, wheels, tires, body panels, windshield, seats, shifters, frame, dashboard... NOTHING. But we don't try and ban street Ford Mustangs because race cars based upon the Ford Mustang platform are 800hp monsters that can drive at 200mph.

People see these scary black firearms and because they look the part, or resemble weapons carried by their military, that they perform on the same level. They just simply don't. That's not to suggest it isn't deadly; all firearms are deadly. But this massive huge super awesome killing machine like the ones carried by Rambo, they are not. Aside from being dressed up like the big boys, they perform completely different. The AK-47 I have in my gun safe in no way shape of form functions like an AK-47 that soldiers use.

But regardless, with that cunt stirring up shit again, now seems like a good time to familiarize yourself with the grandfather clauses in firearm, magazine and ammunition laws, because I can fucking assure you, online sales are going to go through the roof.

It's enough to make one long for simpler times when men wore hats, ladies blushed, and people didn't need chemical compounds to have fun on a Friday night. But if we look a little closer, the days of yore might not be quite so innocent as they seem. Maybe raves weren't as popular back then as they are today, but people were popping, drinking, smoking and snorting many of the same delightful substances that fill Lindsay Lohan's purse today! Stranger still, these substances used to be legal, making our so-called modern age look like a prudish and puritanical version of the past. How did our Great Great Grandmothers and Grandfathers get away with it? Often the answer was as simple as marketing: call the drugs medicine.

Allegra Wynne is a beautiful and talented blonde model and hostess. We shot her in South Florida and got a nice variety of images and looks, from the studio shots with the thigh high stockings to the sexy photos in shades next to the hot red Ferrari.

if TWILIGHT 5 was 10 times SHORTER and 100 times more HONEST


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