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Ernie's House of Whoopass! January 3, 2013
January 3, 2013

Kind of Reminds Me Of The Anderson Nails Joke.

A small factory in the northwest, Anderson Nails, had been experiencing years of success and growth. Feeling that he was ready to try for the big time, the owner (Anderson, of course) contracted a big Madison Avenue agency to help him promote his product. Aiming to get the greatest possible exposure, the agency booked a full minute at the beginning of the Super Bowl halftime show. Anderson was pretty excited about this, and invited all of his friends and relatives to his home for a big Super Bowl party. At the end of the first half, everybody drew closer to the TV, wanting to see the premiere of the commercial. It began with an arial shot of the desert, and zoomed in on a small walled city. As the camera slowly panned about the city, it became apparent that this was Jerusalem, during the Roman occupation. A large hill on the horizon came into view, and as the camera drew closer, a number of crosses became visible. The focus settled on a naked man in a crown of thorns, then moved in for an extreme closeup of his bleeding hands, and the nails which held them to the cross. The nails were stamped with the Anderson Nails logo. A subtitle appeared on the screen, bearing the words "Anderson Nails--the Expert's Choice". Anderson's guests were horrified. The party broke up before the end of the game. The next day, he began to get phone calls from his oldest and most loyal customers, expressing their outrage and cancelling their orders. By the end of the week, his sales were down to nothing. He called the president of the advertising agency to cancel his contract. When Anderson explained the situation, the ad-man was surprised, and offered to run a new campaign at no charge. The new campaign was slated to start in a few weeks time (not too long before Easter, as it turned out). This time, Anderson nervously watched the commercial alone in the privacy of his office. It began the same way as before, with an arial view of Jerusalem. The camera finally settled on two Roman soldiers drinking wine at a table near the marketplace. Hearing a disturbance nearby, they look up from their drinks in time to see a naked man, with bleeding hands and feet, being pursued by a group of soldiers. The first soldier looks at his companion, smiles knowingly, and says "they didn't use Anderson nails!"

The Asian or Asiatic elephant is the only living species of the genus Elephas and is distributed in Southeast Asia from India in the west to Borneo in the east. Asian elephants are the largest living land animals in Asia. Since 1986, Asian elephants have been listed as endangered by IUCN as the population has declined by at least 50% over the last three generations, estimated to be 60–75 years. The species is pre-eminently threatened by habitat loss, degradation and fragmentation. In 2003, the wild population was estimated at between 41,410 and 52,345 individuals. Female captive elephants have lived beyond 60 years when kept in seminatural situations, such as rainforest camps. In zoos, elephants die at a much younger age and are declining due to a low birth and high death rate.

Unlike the easy going shit like marijuana the sticky icky, in the world of homemade drugs, krokodil might just be the most horrific concoction of them all. While drugs like K2 and bath salts can make people psychotic to the point where they attack people – tearing at their flesh with their teeth – krokodil rots the addict's flesh right off their very bones. The International Business Times reports that krokodil has triple the potency of heroin but is only a tenth of the price, which makes it a powerful draw for those who can't afford the real thing – in spite of the consequences.

A cigarette filter has the purpose of reducing the amount of smoke, tar, and fine particles inhaled during the combustion of a cigarette. Filters also reduce the harshness of the smoke and keep tobacco flakes out of the smoker's mouth. In light cigarettes and some full flavor cigarettes, the filter is perforated with tiny holes that dilute the smoke with air. As such, the inhaled smoke contains less tar and nicotine. In theory, this should make the cigarette "safer" than full flavor ones. In practice, however, the average smoker compensates by inhaling more deeply or by covering parts of the holes with fingers or lips. Because of this, smokers of light cigarettes can be exposed to equal or greater doses of carcinogens and tar than they would be with medium tar cigarettes.

"At the age of 13, I was arrested for armed robbery. It wasn't a case of mistaken identity. I was there -- the cops caught me with a 6-inch combat knife and a club. They shoved me into an interrogation room, but I clammed up. I didn't even give them my name. I stonewalled them all night, until they gave up and had to release me. I wasn't worried; I knew I was innocent. Because, you see, when they caught me, I was in the process of chasing down the real thief..." The author swears that every single word of this story is true.

Ernie, Happy New Year, looking forward to another year full of cool shit to look at on your page...A Friend of mine decided to start the New Year off with a "real" shocker....Way to kick start 2013... Beau

Rock balancing is an art, discipline, or hobby (depending upon the intent of the practitioner) in which rocks are balanced on top of one another in various positions. There are no tricks involved to aid in the balancing, such as adhesives, wires, supports, or rings. Rock balancing can be a performance art, a spectacle, or a devotion, depending upon the interpretation by its audience. Essentially, it involves placing some combination of rock or stone in arrangements which require patience and sensitivity to generate, and which appear to be physically impossible while actually being only highly improbable. The rock balancer may work for free or for pay, as an individual or in a group, and their intents and the audiences' interpretations may vary given the situation or the venue.

Francine Dee is a smoking hot Asian model with an incredible rack and pouty lips. Check out this killer photo shoot courtesy of BumbleGirls, with some more great shots in a hot tub that will get your imagination going!

Brent Weeks is an American New York Times Bestselling author living and writing in Oregon. Weeks was born in Montana and graduated from Hillsdale College with a degree in English. He briefly worked as a teacher and bartender before moving to writing full time. His first novel in his The Night Angel Trilogy, The Way of Shadows, was published by Orbit Books in 2008. The Night Angel Trilogy has been printed in 10 different languages, with the first novel to be adapted into a graphic novel through Yen Press. In 2010 Weeks began his Lightbringer Series, which was initially intended to be a trilogy but was recently announced to span four books. The second book of Brent Weeks's Lightbringer series was released on September 2012.

If you think you're pissed about Diane Feinsteins's new Assault Weapon Ban, you ought to read this Marine's letter.

the best version of anything about the movie Titanic, condensed down to 60 seconds


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