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Ernie's House of Whoopass! January 18, 2013
January 18, 2013

"The Only Vice That Cannot Be Forgiven Is Hypocrisy. The Repentance Of A Hypocrite Is Itself Hypocrisy." - William Hazlitt

"Most Americans agree that a president's children should not be used as pawns in a political fight," White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said in a statement. "But to go so far as to make the safety of the president's children the subject of an attack ad is repugnant and cowardly."

And as an added bonus, earlier this week, on Tuesday, January 15th, New York State's Governor Andrew M. Cuomo -- and I'm sure many people have had enough of his shit -- signed into law the nation's toughest laws banning assault weapons and high cap magazines. Only in their rush to get this bullshit legislation passed -- 16 hours from Senate introduction to Cuomo's signature -- what those fucking idiots didn't do was forget exclusions for the police. This means the police are legally restricted to the same 7-round magazine capacity as civilians and technically can't response to an active shooter in school since... sorry Charlie, schools are gun free zones! Fucking idiots. This is what happens when we pass legislation based on fear and emotion. Also, here's a list of all the new guns introduced at the 2013 Shot Show -- dibs on the FNH FNS-9 Five Inch.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I suck at pickup lines, nice tits.

How's it going with those New Year's resolutions you made? If the “lose weight” one isn't working out as you planned, put down your bag of Cheetos and take a look at these chicks who emerged from their fatness and stepped right into hotness. Seeing these weight loss transformations may inspire you to get back on track.

Reviewers say the a grass yoga mat is a good pick for those who prefer eco-friendly yoga mats made from natural materials. Made from dried grass, it offers plenty of room to spread out. People love the textured surface, which they say provides good grip for balance poses. Unlike plastic or rubber yoga mats, a grass yoga mat never gets slippery. It also lacks any distracting smell -- a complaint we see often for other yoga mats, particularly those made from rubber.

Reading over your list of Presidential Gun Proposals, I have a problem with #14. "Issue a Presidential Memorandum directing the Centers for Disease Control to research the causes and prevention of gun violence." The CDC is on record as wanting tougher gun control. However, their most recent study (in the 90's) found: “In summary, the Task Force found insufficient evidence to determine the effectiveness of any of the firearms laws reviewed for preventing violence.” The CDC had gotten in the habit of running these studies, and when they didn't like the results, they'd just run another one. None ever found a concrete link. It went on long enough that Congress stepped in and pulled the funding (which was loudly decried by the anti's as "the gun lobby trying to prevent necessary research"), because they were spending our money to get the same result over and over. Now Obama wants to start the cycle all over again, this time using the cover of "national healthcare." I'm not OK with this. --Matt

After watching these trailers for the upcoming Die Hard 5:A Good Day To Die Hard [1 - 2 - 3] I'm pretty sure they didn't follow these four simple rules for not screwing up a Die Hard movie.

James Doakes was a character on the Showtime series, Dexter and the series of novels by Jeff Lindsay. In the TV series, he was portrayed by Erik King. Doakes hates Dexter; he is the only person in Dexter's life who can see through his mask of normality. Doakes suspects that Dexter is hiding something, and has no reservations about telling him so. Ultimately, Doakes realizes that Dexter is withholding vital information on the Ice Truck Killer case, to the point that he is driven to physically attack him, only for Dexter to expertly fight back. Doakes's line from Season 1, "Surprise, Motherfucker", has become an internet meme. The quote was utilized to express a twist or surprise in parodies or other medium.

The 2013 Consumer Electronics Show has come to an end and the response has been relatively lukewarm. Speculation going into the show was that Intel might be unveiling an a la carte tv service that allowed consumers to avoid having to pay for channels they didn't want. But that was a misdirection and what Intel was offering was just more entrenchment by big Cable. Still, there were some fun toys unveiled at CES 2013 and here's a graphical overview of the best of 2013.

Sangria is a wine punch typical of Spain and Portugal. It normally consists of wine, chopped fruit, a sweetener, and a small amount of added brandy. In the case of fruits, they are chopped or sliced such as orange, lemon, lime, apple, peach, melon, berries, pineapple, grape, kiwi and mango. A sweetener such as honey, sugar, simple syrup, or orange juice is added. Instead of brandy, other liquids such as Seltzer, Sprite or 7 Up may be added. Sangria is served throughout the summer, and in the southern and eastern parts of the countries year-round. In these places it is a popular drink among tourists at bars, pubs and restaurants where it is often served in 1-litre pitchers or other containers large enough to hold a bottle of wine plus the added ingredients. A lid or other strainer for the container helps prevent the fruit and ice cubes from falling into the glass.

supercut: arnold schwarznegger saying big words

vintage postcards of geishas posing in swimsuits (disappointingly safe for work)

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