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Ernie's House of Whoopass! January 24, 2013
January 24, 2013

Surely You Would Turn In Your GPS For Your Own Navigation Girl?

In the 2008 remake of the original Death Race, the year is 2012 and the economy of the US has collapsed. Unemployment and crime rates skyrocket, and the sharp increase of convicted criminals leads to privatized prisons for profit. The warden of Terminal Island Penitentiary, earns profits from the pay-per-view broadcast of a modern gladiator game called Death Race, using the prisoners as players. The racers, along with their Navigators Girls, drive a 3-part race over 3 days on a closed track at Terminal Island. On the track are various pressure plates: swords activate the racers offensive weapons, shields activate defensive weapons such as oil, smoke, and napalm, and skulls activate deadly metal traps which rise up from the track. The reward for the drivers is that any racer who wins 5 races will be granted freedom by Warden Hennessey. The series went on to spawn Death Race 2 with Danny Fucking Trejo, and now Death Race 3... here is a great slideshow of three of the Navigation Girls from the latest film along with an interview in the video.

A cruiser bicycle, also known as a beach cruiser, is a bicycle which combines balloon tires, an upright seating posture, a single-speed drivetrain, and straightforward steel construction with expressive styling. Cruisers are popular amongst casual bicyclists and vacationers because they are very stable and easy to ride, but their heavy weight and fat tires tend to make them rather slow. The bikes, noted for their durability and heavy weight, were the most popular bicycle in the United States from the early 1930s through the 1950s, and have enjoyed renewed popularity since the late 1990s.

We all love animals, and what better way to promote your company and advertise your products than by using images of nature's most amazing creatures? Visually stunning, emotionally gripping, and often funny, these are 15 of the most creative animal-fronted ads found – featuring everything from frogs and pigs to man's best friend.

Stalls in fixed-wing flight are often experienced as a sudden reduction in lift as the pilot increases angle of attack and exceeds the critical angle of attack, which may be due to slowing down below stall speed in level flight. A stall does not mean that the engine(s) have stopped working, or that the aircraft has stopped moving — the effect is the same even in an unpowered glider aircraft. Vectored thrust in manned and unmanned aircraft is used to surpass the stall limit, thereby giving rise to post-stall technology.

Now that Michael Phelps' swimming career is officially over (18 gold medals later), the retired U.S. Olympian will have plenty of time to focus on other things, like a career in amateur sex tapes. And if that is the case, it appears as though Phelps has found himself the perfect girlfriend, as it has recently been reported that the most decorated athlete in Olympic history is currently dating sex tape star Jasmine Waltz. And if you'd like to take a closer look at the woman who will be occupying Phelps' time for at least the next couple of weeks, you can check out some of Jasmine Waltz's sexiest pictures in this gallery. Meanwhile, Kanye and Kim Kardashian's little hellspawn is still on the lam.

Ernie, been a long time reader since the days of the stick figures and all that good stuff. I wanted to give you a little more ammunition for your crusade for our right to bear arms. Keep up the good fight! Justin

Ernie, I have been pretty surprised to not see any mention on your site the last few days regarding the Eastern Sports and Outdoors show controversy unravelling in the wake of recent high profile shootings around the country. The show takes place at the State Farm Show and Expo Center in Harrisburg, PA, and is the largest consumer event of its type in the region, if not the entire East Coast. In response to the recent shootings and ensuing gun controversy, Reed Exhibitions, who manages the event, prohibited any vendors partaking in the event from showing or offering for sale any "tactical" style weapons (aka Modern Sporting Rifles) accessories, or magazines. Almost immediately, approximately 50 vendors withdrew from the event. As of the last couple days I have heard that number increased to between 160 and 200 vendors withdrawing. The clincher seems to have been when, within the last day or two, the mother fucking NRA itself released a statement that they would be withdrawing all sponsorship and representation from the event, as well as any other events presented by Reed Exhibitions which follow the same policy. As of this morning, Reed Exhibitions has announced that due to the overwhelming withdrawal of vendors and sponsors, the show has been postponed without a set reschedule date at this time. Amazing to me is the number of companies and organizations not remotely involved in sale, production, or promotion of tactical weapons, who withdrew simply as a matter of principle and in support of the outdoor sportsman community as a whole. My best guess is over 300 names on the list of boycotters, out of an original slate of just over 1000 exhibits. Derrick

On that note, Diane Fenstein unveiled her proposed Assault Weapon Ban today. And if you think New York State's SAFE gun restrictions are fucking insane, you ought to see the list of what they really wanted. How does a 5-round limit sound?

UWE is the finest manufacturer of indoor tanning beds and tanning booths in the world. Their attention to detail and quality manufacture ensures that salons purchasing UWE tanning beds will have an elite tanning machine that will stand the test of time, give great tanning results, and look good doing it. UWE tanning beds offer a wide range of tanning bed models to choose from that are specifically tailored to meet the hard driving demands of tanning beds for an indoor tanning salon.

Here are five pieces of advice every high school graduate should get, man I wish someone had told mne about the second one before it was too late.

An optical computer mouse, or laser mouse, uses a light-emitting diode and photodiodes to detect movement relative to a surface, unlike a mechanical mouse which has a ball which rotates orthogonal shafts which drive chopper wheels for distance measurement. The earliest optical mice detected movement on pre-printed mousepad surfaces, whereas the modern optical mouse works on most opaque surfaces; it is unable to detect movement on specular surfaces like glass. Laser diodes are also used for better resolution and precision. Battery powered, wireless optical mice flash the LED intermittently to save power, and only glow steadily when movement is detected.

Heya Ern. The wife asked for a salad tonight. I'm the cook around here, as she's much better at... other things, ahem. Cheers from Surrey, Canada. Benny

Next I would have thrown down a $20 and maybe a couple of broken beer bottles just to see if what happened next could have been better than this. Bret.

Ernie, I know you like the Ginger Prince, and here he is legging it out of a media interview to go and nail the Taliban. Enjoy, Lawrie

Old and busted: Ford's semi-automated parallel parking feature. The new hotness: Audi's completely automated parking which works anywhere.

The Northern Sparrowhawk is a small bird of prey in the family Accipitridae. Adult male Sparrowhawks have bluish grey upperparts and orange-barred underparts; females and juveniles are brown above with brown barring below. The female is up to 25% larger than the male – one of the largest differences between the sexes in any bird species. Though it is a predator which specialises in catching woodland birds, the Northern Sparrowhawk can be found in any habitat and often hunts garden birds in towns and cities. During one year, a pair of Northern Sparrowhawks could take 2,200 House Sparrows, 600 Common Blackbirds or 110 Wood Pigeons. Species that feed in the open, far from cover, or are conspicuous by their behaviour or coloration, are taken more often by Eurasian Sparrowhawks.

These photographs were taken during and directly after the Boxer Rebellion, which was a particularly violent and turbulent time in Chinese history. All over the country, Boxer rebels and criminals were put to death in full public view. And their corpses, or at least parts of them, were displayed as a warning to others.

10 millionaire entrepreneurs who bounced back from bankruptcy (fuck you, donamd trump)

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