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Ernie's House of Whoopass! January 31, 2013
January 31, 2013

When Someone Asks You What Time It Is, Don't Tell Them How To Build A Clock.

Today I learned two things. First, the definition of the word salient and second, that our Congress has never heard of Powerpoint. But old school Cuban Missile Crisis style presentation or not, Senator Ted Cruz summed everything up nicely when he said, "...unfortunately in Washington, emotion often leads to bad policies." Oh, sorry, I learned three things today; the third being Wayne LaPierre should limit his answers to a simple 'yes or no' and otherwise shut the fuck up.

Also, inquiring a little more about how to buy guns person to person, one person asked me if I use Paypal for my online firearm purchases. The answer is a RESOUNDING NO. Now I'm not going so far as to say that Paypal is anti-gun, but Paypal has been owned by eBay ever since 2002, and I remember when that happened eBay's terms of service trickled down to Paypal's. Their message was simple: No women, no kids. Oh sorry, wrong reference. Anyway, their message was simple: no guns, no porn. So no, you cant use yoru Paypal account to pay for your monthly porn subscription, nor can you use it to buy guns. Doing so will most likely result in Paypal siezing your shit and terminating your account. For realz. This of course has created the opportunity for a few other services to step in and offer an electronicsolution, since mailing a mail order orff to some stranger doesn't always leave some people with a warm and fuzzy feeling. Enter PistolPay, a new service that's just getting off the ground. Jeff Wilber of RDR Custom Holsters is the HMFIC in getting that rolling, and you can read more about the process and how it works, here.

The definition of sinuous is: of a serpentine or wavy form; winding; marked by strong lithe movements. And so, you have to serpentine your way to more than 11,264 points, if you want to talk shit to me.

And in case you've been hiding under a rock for the last 24 hours, porn star Ron Jeremy is recovering from surgery at a Los Angeles hospital after an aneurysm near his heart sent him to intensive care. You can get live updates on The Hedgehog's progress, by following Ron -- or in this case his management company since he's in the hospital -- on Twitter.

Old and busted: the 25 BEST beers in the world. I say old and busted because let's be honest, we all know that the 25 spots are all taken up by Jim Koch's brews. So the new hotness? The 25 WORST beers in the world -- think Bud Light mixed with Clamato. Yeah, it's that bad.

Dental braces (also known as orthodontic braces, or simply braces) are devices used in orthodontics that align and straighten teeth and help to position them with regard to a person's bite, while also working to improve dental health. They are often used to correct underbites, as well as malocclusions, overbites, cross bites, open bites, deep bites, crooked teeth, and various other flaws of the teeth and jaw. Braces can be either cosmetic or structural. Dental braces are often used in conjunction with other orthodontic appliances to help widen the palate or jaws and to otherwise assist in shaping the teeth and jaws.

Good news, everyone! Treasury secretary Timothy Geithner recommends we lift debt limit to infinity! In other words, we're all fucked!

And finally... how to ask for oral sex: tips for men and women. And if that doesn't work, you take the advice my daddy always used to say, "When life gets rough and you only have a dime in your pocket, go get your shoes shined."

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