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Ernie's House of Whoopass! February 6, 2013
February 6, 2013

I'm Pretty Sure There Is A Dick-Bassoon Joke In There Somewhere, I Just Can't Find It.

The Asian black bear is a medium-sized species of bear, largely adapted for arboreal life, seen across much of the Himalayas and the northern parts of the Indian Subcontinent, Korea, northeastern China, the Russian far east and the Honsh? and Shikoku islands of Japan. It is classed by the IUCN as a vulnerable species, mostly due to deforestation and active hunting for its body parts. The species is morphologically very similar to some prehistoric bears, and is thought by some scientists to be the ancestor of other extant bear species. Asian black bears are similar in general appearance to brown bears, but are more lightly built and are more slender limbed. The skulls of Asian black bears are relatively small, but massive, particularly in the lower jaw. Adult males have skulls measuring 12–13 in long and 8–9 in wide, while females have skulls measuring 11.5–12.5 in long and 6.5–9 in wide.

I'm sure we've all heard about the Three Little Pigs, but did I ever tell you the fairy tale about the Five Little Pigs? Nah, I guess I probably haven't. Sad story though. Delicious ending.

Remember that Felix Baumgartner guy who made global news because he parachuted out of space? Well, Yuri Gagarin did that 50 years ago in a rickety toboggan of a spacecraft with the floor panel missing. You see the space race was moving so fast that Yuri was launched before anybody had bothered to invent brakes. That's not hyperbole. Three minutes after launch, a bottom panel drops away to unveil the Vzor orientation device, which is Russian speak for a fucking window in the floor. This was used to orient the ship with respect to the sun and horizon, and only accidentally meant that the first man into space could see all the way down below him the entire time. Yuri stayed conscious through 8 Gs of deceleration because he had to deal with the whole no brakes thing -- the re-entry plan of the first man in space being ... to fucking JUMP! The Vostok 3KA-3 capsule had parachutes, but its main stopping strategy was "There'll be a planet in the way," which is why a hatch opened and automatically ejected Yuri into the sky, instead of crashing to his death.

The Eiffel Tower is an iron lattice tower located on the Champ de Mars in Paris, named after the engineer Gustave Eiffel, whose company designed and built the tower. Erected in 1889 as the entrance arch to the 1889 World's Fair, it has become both a global cultural icon of France and one of the most recognizable structures in the world. The tower is the tallest structure in Paris and the most-visited monument in the world; 7.1 million people ascended it in 2011. The third level observatory's upper platform is at 279.11 meters the highest accessible to public in the European Union and the highest in Europe as long as the platform of the Ostankino Tower, at 360 meters, remains closed as a result of the fire of August 2000. The tower received its 250 millionth visitor in 2010.

Recently Jennifer Lawrence revealed that she has uneven breasts but I've spent some time investigating and I dunno... right one a little higher than the left one?

The Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 is a law that was enacted by the U.S. Congress in 1990, signed into law by President George H. W. Bush, and later amended with changes effective January 1, 2009. Specifically, Title II prohibits disability discrimination by all public entities at the local and state level, and public entities must comply with these regulations by the U.S. Department of Justice. These regulations cover access to all programs and services offered by the entity. Access includes both physical access and programmatic access that might be obstructed by discriminatory policies or procedures of the entity.

Bikini girls from Venezuela promote local beer in Chicas Polar Pilsen 2013 calendar.

Top Secret Drum Corps is a precision drum corps based in Basel, Switzerland. With 25 drummers and colorguard members, the corps became famous for its demanding six-minute routine performed at the Edinburgh Tattoo in 2003. Since its success in 2003, Top Secret was invited to return to Edinburgh in 2006 with a new and improved routine. They were invited a third time in 2009 and again in 2012. Top Secret's members are highly dedicated drummers with diverse day jobs—bankers, civil servants, factory workers, etc. They give up their free time to practice nearly every day of the year. Due to the demanding nature of the work, its membership is frequently changing. They are the subject of a documentary film by Swiss television which recounts their rise to fame at the Edinburgh Tattoo. A feature film based on the Edinburgh endeavor is currently in the works with Insert Films, Switzerland.

The sunflower seed is the fruit of the sunflower. The term "sunflower seed" is actually a misnomer when applied to the seed in its hull; botanically speaking, it is more properly referred to as an achene. When dehulled, the edible remainder is called the sunflower kernel or heart. There are three types of commonly used sunflower seeds: linoleic (most common), high oleic, and NuSun. Each variety has its own unique levels of monounsaturated, saturated, and polyunsaturated fats. For commercial purposes, sunflower seeds are usually classified by the pattern on their husks. If the husk is solid black, the seeds are called black oil sunflower seeds; these seeds are usually pressed to extract their oil. Striped sunflower seeds are primarily used for food; as a result, they may be called confectionery sunflower seeds, chocolate covered sunflower seeds.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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