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Ernie's House of Whoopass! March 13, 2013
March 13, 2013

I Have Two Problems With Universal Background Checks For Every Firearm Purchase.

A quick glance at the calender tells me that it's been roughly seven and a half years since I applied for, and was granted, a license to carry a concealed weapon here in the State of Florida. At the time the gun rights vs gun control debate was nowhere on the political landscape and thus the process for approving my application was rather quick; about seven or eight weeks from the time I fulfilled all of the requirements and mailed in my application, to the time it showed up in my mailbox. Part of that process, in addition to me submitting passport photos and providing a set of fingerprints to be kept on file, was a rather exhaustive background check performed by the State and FBI. For a point of reference, that's seven to eight weeks versus the quick 5-minute NICS jobbie that gets performed at the actual point of sale of a firearm purchase. I remember it was a few months later with permit in hand, I set out to purchase the second firearm I would ever own; a Benelli Supernova pump-action shotgun purchased from Bass Pro in Fort Myers. So you can imagine my surprise when the clerk asked me to fill out an instant background check form. "Don't have to, " I quickly (and naively) countered, "I have a Florida CCW." "Doesn't matter," The clerk replied with wad of chewing tobacco between his cheek and gum and an I-don't-give-a-fuck look on his face, "You still have to go call it in." And so I did and he did and I got my new shotgun, but I couldn't help but to marvel at what a colossal waste of fucking time it was. What the fuck did they hope to discover in 5 minutes that they hadn't already dug up over the last 8 weeks? But this bureaucratic bumblefuck goes on and on; every time I purchase a firearm from a licensed dealer, my permit is for naught and I have to wait in line with the rest of the cattle for an instant background check. And each time I feel like jumping over the counter, grabbing the phone and screaming at the person on the other end, "This is a complete fucking waste of your time and resources that could be much better spent finding someone who is fucking crazy!"

I think universal background checks are like zero-tolerance policies and federal sentencing guidelines; they all look good on paper but you don't realize how fucking stupid they are until you actually try to implement them. So with the stage set, here are my two biggest gripes in regards to universal background checks. And this of course builds upon the bequeathing-a-family-heirloom and the loaning-yourbest-friend-your-deer-rifle arguments, that others before me have already made.

For starters I suppose I wouldn't have such a moral objection to them, if part of the process didn't include recording information about the firearm itself, to include make, model and serial number. If I am cleared to purchase a firearm, then I'm cleared to purchase a firearm. That's all there should be to it. The form shouldn't need anything further than information identifying me for who I am and an APPROVED/NOT APPROVED checkbox. Period. Because recording information beyond that -- especially that regarding the firearm -- will in no uncertain terms result in defacto gun registration, and that will at some point, result in gun confiscation. Don't believe me, ask those poor fuckers in New Orleans who had their firearms confiscated by local and state authorities after Hurricane Katrina.

My second argument goes a little hand in hand with my previous anecdote. But for the sake of argument, let's set aside my CCW permit and assume I'm just regular schmuck who just so happens to enjoy collecting firearms. At some point -- after x-number of guns, be it 5, or 8, or 10, or 12, or whatever -- I'm about as vetted a gun owner as I'm going to get. So I don't see what additional background checks for people who already own multiple firearms is going to accomplish. I'm not going to be any more dangerous after my twentiest firearm, than I would be after my tenth. "Already own FIVE AR-15 rifles? Oh well we better do a background check for that SIXTH one because that's just the extra firepower you were waiting to get your hands on before committing mass murder." How fucking pointless. Look, if I wanted to flip out and hurt someone -- and to be clear I don't -- but I did I've already have more than what I need to get that job done; what's the fucking point in wasting the time and resources on me? I think our efforts would be better spent scrutinizing someone's first purchase, not their Nth.

Just an FYI, the digital pattern camo that you posted today appears to be the Marines MARPAT desert. Thanx!!! Charlie

Hey Ernie, I just wanted to pass on that the picture that you listed as the Army camoflauge pattern is actually the US Marine Corps MARPAT uniform. Ron

Known for his stature and fitness, Dolph Lundgren stood around 6 ft 5 in and weighed 250 pounds at peak, and continues to be an influence in the world of fitness and bodybuilding. In 1982, Lundgren graduated with a master's degree in chemical engineering from the University of Sydney, finishing with the highest results in his class. During his time in Sydney, he earned a living as a bouncer in a nightclub at the infamous King's Cross. He was awarded a Fulbright Scholarship to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in 1983. However, while preparing for the move to Boston, he was spotted in the nightclub he worked at in Sydney and was hired by Grace Jones as a bodyguard. Lundgren's breakthrough came when he starred in Rocky IV in 1985 as the imposing Russian boxer Ivan Drago. Since then, he has starred in more than 40 movies, almost all of them in the action genre. In early May 2009, Lundgren's home was reportedly broken into by three masked burglars who tied up and threatened Lundgren's wife Qviberg, but fled when they spotted a family photo and realized that the house was owned by Lundgren. Lundgren was one of three hosts for the 2010 Melodifestivalen, where the Swedish contribution to the Eurovision Song Contest is selected. In the first installation on 6 February, Lundgren co-hosted the competition together with comedienne Christine Meltzer and performer Måns Zelmerlöw. Lundgren's appearance -- particularly his rendition of Elvis Presley's "A Little Less Conversation" -- was hailed by critics and audiences alike.

And while we're on the topic of Europe, Unilever is an Anglo–Dutch multinational consumer goods company whose products include foods, beverages, cleaning agents and personal care products. It is the world's third-largest consumer goods company measured by 2011 revenues, after Procter & Gamble and Nestle, and the world's largest maker of ice cream. The company owns more than 400 brands, although its 25 largest brands account for over 70% of total sales. In 1996, Unilever purchased Helene Curtis Industries, giving the company "a powerful new presence in the United States shampoo and deodorant market". The purchase brought Unilever the Suave and Finesse hair-care product brands and Degree deodorant brand.

Hey Ernie. Here is quite the stockpile of weapons. Pretty sure this guy was ready for the zombie apocalypse. Regards, Ian

My sister & mom are visiting Israel right now and my sis took this picture at an ice cream shop yesterday. Hope you get feeling better soon. John

Tera Patrick is one of the most popular adult models out there, and if you want to you can always see much more of her. But here we have her in some sexy photos where she's posing in some classic pinup outfits, with lacy lingerie and her hair all done up in a classic style.

The coat of arms of the Russian Federation derives from the earlier coat of arms of the Russian Empire, as restored in 1993 after the constitutional crisis. Though modified more than once since the reign of Ivan III (1462–1505), the current coat of arms is directly derived from its mediaeval original. Its escutcheon was golden with a black two-headed eagle crowned with two imperial crowns, over which the same third crown, enlarged, with two flying ends of the ribbon of the Order of Saint Andrew. The State Eagle held a golden scepter and golden globus cruciger. On the chest of the eagle there was an escutcheon with the arms of Moscow, depicting Saint George, mounted and defeating the dragon.

Personally, I love athlete mugshots. I know I shouldn't, but I do. In any case, in honor of a certain ex-member of the Oakland Raiders, I'm going to take a look at some of the great mugshots in sports history. Take a look and enjoy the smug feeling of superiority. Bonus: Ric Flair for assault? Wooooooo!

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