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Ernie's House of Whoopass! May 1, 2013
May 1, 2013

Lowest Price! Highwest Quality! Best Selection! Great Tasting! Great Service!

Beck's Brewery, also known as Brauerei Beck & Co., is a German brewery in the northern German city of Bremen and is the world's best selling German beer and sold in nearly 90 countries. Owned by local families until February 2002, it was then sold to Interbrew for 1.8 billion euros. The brewery was formed under the name Kaiserbrauerei Beck & May o.H.G. in 1873 by Lüder Rutenberg, Heinrich Beck and Thomas May. In 1875, Thomas May left the brewery which then became known as Kaiserbrauerei Beck & Co. Although Beck's marketing material claims that it follows the strict Reinheitsgebot, the German Purity Law of 1516 by the Duke Albrecht the Fifth of Bavaria, as with virtually all modern beers, cultured yeast is an ingredient, which was later approved in an amendment to the original purity law. Beck's was the first German beer company to use green bottles. Beck's was the first beer in the United States to be served in 24oz bottles and call those bottles bombers.

So the NBA Playoffs are going on, which generally doesn't mean much to short crackers like me. So ultimately if you don't really have a team to root for, whether it's because the team in your area sucks (sorry, Charlotte) or because there is no team in your area, it's hard to get into it. Today, however, we're going to help you find a team to root for by ranking the cheerleading squads of all 16 teams in the playoffs. If the sharp shooting of Stephen Curry or the monster dunks of Blake Griffin don't spark any allegiance in you, maybe some gorgeous ladies in skimpy uniforms will. So take a look and decide which team you're rooting for.

Did you ever go to the store and buy something advertised as "highest quality" only to get it home and have it break the first time you use it? or dine at a restaurant that bills themselves as "the best xxxxxx food in town" only find their food tastes like dogshit? How the thing just bought for "the absolute lowest price in town!" can always be found somewhere else for less money? Generally speaking, anytime something says it's a particular thing, it's not. That's kind of how the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence is -- "...pass, enforce, and protect sensible laws and public policy that address gun violence". And the same with Mayors Agsainst Illegal Guns -- "... we are duty-bound to do everything in our power to protect our residents, especially our children, from harm and there is no greater threat to public safety than the threat of illegal guns". The restrictive legislation that the Brady Campaign supports is anything but sensible, and there are a metric shit ton of things that pose a greater threat to children than firearms. These people aren't interested in public safety or protecting children, or making the world a bright and sunny place where lollipops taste like sunshine and puppies live forever. The sole purpose of their existence is to force society to fit the mold they think we should fit into. They do not have society's best interests in mind, they only have their own interests in mind. Period.

Hola, Ernie. I realize you don't know me under this name, but I've contributed a few times to your blog under an earlier one. Anyway, the NRA. There exist a few advocacy groups that have long gotten past actually giving a damn about their initial cause. MADD comes to mind. The NRA is another. My own experience, take it as you will: In the early 90's, I worked for a contracting company that rented space on the top floor of the NRA's headquarters in Fairfax, VA. So I was there often, and since I smoke, I met a lot of people from that building, and heard a lot of things that would never have been said in the office. As a member of the smoking mafia, and passing hand-rolls and lights to some of the bright, young NRA guys I heard all sorts of stuff... They didn't care who heard it, heck, I could have been Libby McLibberson, star reporter for the Gun Grabber Gazette. All they knew was that I was the long-hair IT geek who worked up on 4. They didn't care. They were actually kind of proud to talk about these things. They were very proud that they were pushing bullshit to fire up the base. That they were making things up. That they were making major bank doing so. I understand up to a point where you want to fight for the 2nd amendment. That's a noble cause that was lost right around the time Dr. Gatlin invented something, and it all falls apart when an APC full of well-trained regulars show up. But the NRA has nothing to do with gun rights. The NRA exists to sustain the NRA and nothing else. Take care, and thanks for your blog. Max.

So the ugly truth of the matter is this. No matter how well funded you may think the NRA is -- and I'm not disputing that -- they're nowhere near as well funded as the other side. So yes, everyone like to talk about how the NRA is in it only for themselves and while there certainly may be some truth to that, I'm also okay with it, too. If the NRA is fighting only to keep themselves in existence, and their very existence depends upon the firearm industry, then they are the check and balance of such organizations as the Brady Campaign and MAIG, whose sole purpose is to destroy the firearm industry. Way back when I bought my first handgun in October of 2005, I did what any good little n00b does and signed up for a year's membership with the NRA. And for the next twelve months I was bombarded with postcards and letters and robocalls warning me about these dildos in Washington, and how these fascists were coming to take my guns. By the time my year's membership was due to expire, I was more than happy to see it go. And away it went. And away it stayed. For six long years. Until mid December of 2012, when the first things out of everyone in Washington's mouth seemed to be ban, ban, ban, confiscate, confiscate, confiscate, restrict, restrict, restrict. Then it was a simple case of is the enemy of my enemy, my friend? And in this instance, I believe the answer is yes.

Now, will I be attending the NRA's annual meeting which starts this Friday? No, I won't. But in addition to my lifetime membership which I bought back in December, I will make occasional donations to the NRA. Not because I think they're the best organization to support my true best interests -- hello Second Amendment Foundation and Gun Owners of America, of which I'm a member of each -- but they simply don't have the clout that the NRA does. I know it's a broken system, so when/if a little sanity ever returns to the gun debate, perhaps I'll re-evaluate my plans. Until then, I'll support the biggest dog in the fight, even if he isn't exactly my style.

Kendrick Kang-Joh “Ken” Jeong is an American comedian, actor, and if you can fucking believe it, physician. He completed his undergraduate studies at Duke University in 1990 and attained his medical degree at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill in 1995. He then completed his Internal Medicine residency at Ochsner Medical Center in New Orleans while developing his stand-up comedy. He is best known for his role as Leslie Chow in The Hangover and as Señor Ben Chang on the NBC comedy series Community. As a whole I don't generally find him all that funny -- even his interviews are kind of blase -- but I suppose to watch him photobomb Kate Upton is somewhat entertaining.

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