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Ernie's House of Whoopass! May 21, 2013
May 21, 2013

When You Used To Tell Me That You Chase Tornadoes, Deep Down I Thought It Was Just A Metaphor.

Let me begin by saying I sure am glad this lady got her dog back safely. I haven't been this relieved since I found out I was in Ms Apple's geography class.

While the storm itself is an unpredictable act of Mother Nature, our very reaction to it is not and is still very much under our control. So in light of these 24 tragic -- and very preventable -- deaths, I look forward to the families of those killed in the Oklahoma tornado being called to testify before Congress and ask for federal funding for supercomputers to better model and predict these killer storms. I look forward to the survivors being paraded around on television and used as props to support Executive Orders to reform and enforce new of building codes. And of course the inevitable DEMAND A PLAN video featuring several celebrities calling for more tornado shelters in public areas. Because you know... IF IT SAVES ONE LIFE, right?

If there's one thing I like about Tumblr it's this: you can bypass all of the day to day post and comment shit, and just go right to the meat and potatoes of a person's Tumblr blog. Example. Let's say you like big titties -- and let's be honest, who doesn't -- so you're a fan of Big Tits Oh Yeah ! But let's also say that you don't want to scroll through all of that crap and click next-next-next-next. All you have to do is append "/archive" to the URL and viola! Tumblr's design is fucking PERFECT. In fact, Tumblr CEO and founder David Karp has resisted the use of traditional display advertising on Tumblr to this point. So the phrase of the day is Don't Fuck This Up; That was the key message for Yahoo management by investors and industry watchers as they digest Yahoo's $1.1 billion acquisition of Tumblr that was announced Monday. But the deal raises concerns among some Tumblr fans that the site could end up being cluttered by the ads that brings in billions of dollars a year to Yahoo.

The fact is that the majority of our nation's children spend almost every day trapped inside schools that are proudly emblazoned with signs reading "Gun Free Zone." But when Project Veritas offered that same opportunity to some of America's most fervent advocates for gun control they flat out refused. If it's good enough for children, why isn't it good enough for them?

The two primary health risks from space heaters are the risk of fire, and the risk of carbon monoxide poisoning. The latter risk accompanies gas and kerosene heaters but not electric ones. The risk of fire from electric heaters may be mitigated by low surface temperatures, by switches that cut power in the event of the device being knocked over, or by thermal cut-out switches. Experts to suggest keeping combustible materials such as bedding, furniture, and curtains at least three feet from the front of the heater and away from its sides and rear.

It Came From The Intertubes:

The National Basketball Association has a proud tradition of trash talking that no amount of personal fouls or game ejections can obscure. But just like with other more athletic aspects of the game, some players are more skilled at trash talk than others. Here are nine of the greatest trash-talking moments in the history of the NBA. From Shaq, to Kobe, to Larry Bird, all the trash-talking greats are here. It might even make you reflect on how the art of the trash talk isn't what it used to be.

A paper shredder is a mechanical device used to cut paper into chad, typically either strips or fine particles. Government organizations, businesses, and private individuals use shredders to destroy private, confidential, or otherwise sensitive documents. Privacy experts often recommend that individuals shred important documents such bills, tax documents, credit card and bank account statements, and other items which could be used by thieves to commit fraud or identity theft.

And by the way, that line was by Jami Gertz from Twister and the closest she's come to going topless is this scene from Less Than Zero.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite So My Dad Is Visiting Fo...

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Yeah I Gotchu Fam Weeken...

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