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No, I Can't Give You Three Wishes. But I Do Have Three Questions For You.

Way back when I was born a po' black child, The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines articulate as: divided into syllables or words meaningfully arranged; intelligible. able to speak. expressing oneself readily, clearly, or effectively; expressed readily, clearly, or effectively. Unless of course you are prosecution witness in the Zimmerman trial, in which case you can be articulate in Ebonics "Black English." I dunno, perhaps I just don't understand her because I'm a cracka?

I Don't Care How Old I Get, Boob Jokes Will Always Be In Vogue.

So I am okay with the police acting like this. But I am NOT okay with the police acting like this. And for that matter, neither would Jimmy Stewart.

"Intelligence Is The Handmaiden Of Flexibility And Change." - Vernor Vinge.

The United States armed forces used various versions of the Winchester Model 12 pump action shotgun in World War I, World War II, Korea, and in the early part of the Vietnam War, until inventory was exhausted after initial production ceased in 1964. Versions of the Model 12 were type classified as the Model 12 or M12 for short, and known as trench guns. Approximately 20,000 were purchased by the US Army in World War I, differing from the civilian version by having a shorter barrel, a perforated steel heat shield, and a M1917 bayonet adapter. Unlike most modern pump-action shotguns, the Winchester Model 12 had no trigger disconnector. Like the Ithaca 37 trench gun, it too fired each time the action closed with the trigger depressed. That and its 6-shot capacity made it effective for close-combat.

The Unanimous Declaration Of The Thirteen United States Of America

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

Team America, Fuck Yeah! Here We Come To Save The Motherfucking Day Now!

So tell me, how yous your Fourth of July? Did you enjoy celebrating your freedom?

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

So THAT'S Why Tyreese Kept Missing All Those Zombies. The Game Ain't In Him No More.

One of the most awesomely TV shows that I ever got into was HBO's The Wire. And yeah, everybody loves Omar and everybody loves McNulty, but I think one of the more underrated characters on the show was Cutty, who gets punked soon after making his first appearance in Season 3. Later on he'd hold a gun on Fruit's head, but trying his best to turn over a new leaf, can't bring himself to pull the trigger. From that point on, he continues to scare the shit out of Fruit for the rest of the series. Anyway, if you're a zombie fan, you know that the actor Chad Coleman went on to play the can't-shoot-for-shit Tyrese in The Walking Dead (now a regular on season 4!) and provide the voiceover for Coach in Left 4 Dead 2. Now the big surprise: Viola DeWynter from Saints Row III was voiced by porn star Sasha Grey.

Never Let Me Slip, Cause If I Slip Then I'm Slipping. But If I Got My Nina Then You Know I'm Straight Tripping.

Slipping a punch is a technique used in boxing that is similar to bobbing or weaving. It is considered one of the four basic defensive strategies, along with blocking, holding, and clinching. It is performed by moving the head to either side so that the opponent's punches "slip" by the boxer. Ehow has a little write up on how to slip a punch, but to me that's kind of like reading an article explaining how to dance. You can read the words, but they don't really mean anything. In order to really appreciate dancing, you'd have to watch the likes of Ginger Rogers and Fred Estaire, or I suppose, this couple (DAT ASS!) -- but the same holds true for slipping a punch; it's got to be seen to be appreciated. And without a doubt the very best there ever was, is, and always will be, is none other than Muhammad Ali (sorry for the gay music). A nice GIF of that slipping sequence around the :10 second mark can be seen here, and really highlights just how great Ali is. Absolutely none of those punches hit their mark, missing only by fractions of an inch.

If You've Never Pulled This Prank On Someone, I Suggest You Do. I Also Recommend "Honk if You...".

The leading cause of PWC accidents among riders in 2007 was reckless or careless driving, accounting for 26.3 percent of all PWCs involved in accidents in 2007. Reckless driving has been defined in the Personal Watercraft Act of 2005 in the U.S. as follows: Every personal watercraft shall at all times be operated in a reasonable and prudent manner. No person shall operate a personal watercraft in an unsafe or reckless manner. Unsafe personal watercraft operation shall include, but not be limited to the following: Becoming airborne or completely leaving the water while crossing the wake of another vessel within 100 feet of the vessel creating the wake; Weaving through congested traffic; Operating a vessel at greater than slow/no wake speed or within 100 feet of an anchored or moored vessel, shoreline, vessel underway, dock, boat ramp, marked swimming area, person in the water, or any manually-propelled vessel; and Operating contrary to the "Rules of the Road" or following too close to another vessel, including another personal watercraft.

Looks like The Zimmerman Prosecutors Are Going All Kobayashi Maru Up In This Bitch.

I can't shake the feeling that the Zimmerman trial is kind of like playing Candyland with my 8 year old nephew. Whenever it looked like you were going to win, he would unabashedly changed the rules. Yes, Justice for Trayvon. And justice for George, too. I don't understand why some people feel the two need to be mutually exclusive.

THIS IS A ROBBERY! EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!

In psychology, compensation is a strategy whereby one covers up, consciously or unconsciously, weaknesses, frustrations, desires, or feelings of inadequacy or incompetence in one life area through the gratification or drive towards excellence in another area. Compensation can cover up either real or imagined deficiencies and personal or physical inferiority. Positive compensations may help one to overcome one's difficulties. On the other hand, negative compensations do not, which results in a reinforced feeling of inferiority. There are two kinds of negative compensation: Overcompensation, characterized by a superiority goal, leads to striving for power, dominance, and self-esteem. The other is undercompensation, which includes a demand for help, leads to a lack of courage and a fear for life.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Nine Million Terrorists In The World And I Gotta Kill One With Feet Smaller Than My Sister..

Twenty five years ago today, one of the greatest fucking movies of all time was released in theaters. That's right motherfuckers, Die Hard! An action film that follows off-duty New York City Police Department officer John McClane as he takes on a group of highly organized criminals led by Hans Gruber, who perform a heist in a Los Angeles skyscraper under the guise of a terrorist attack using hostages to keep the police at bay. The film was originally pitched as a sequel to the 1985 action film Commando starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. When he also turned it down, the film was pitched to, and rejected by, a host of the era's action stars before Willis was chosen. The studio did not have faith in Willis' action star appeal, as at the time he was known for his comedic role on television. Made on a $28 million budget, Die Hard went on to gross over $140 million theatrically worldwide, and generally received praise from critics. The film turned Willis into an action star, and became a frequent comparison for other action films featuring a lone hero fighting overwhelming odds. The film's success spawned the Die Hard franchise, which includes four sequels, video games, a musical, and a comic book.

Yeah, it's That Hot Out Today.

Did you know that mixing alcohol with diet soda will get you more drunk than mixing it with regular soda? True story, bro.

Well, Getting Caught With Your Pants Down Isn't Always A Bad Thing.

I have a migraine that is splitting my fucking head in half. Started yesterday afternoon. Left temple. Every time I lean or cough, it just gets worse.

I Do Not Envy The Headache You Will Have When You Awake. In The Meantime, Dream Of Large Women.

Sorry for the curdled update yesterday. I had taken four Motrin in the morning around 9am or so, and then in desperation, five Advil around 11am. And still, it didn't even touch it so I had to push away from the keyboard. By this time yesterday, I was sitting on the couch curled up in a fetal position with a bag of ice on the side of my head, which was all I could fucking think of to do that actually made the ache go away. Sure I was high, but I didn't care. So, how did I get down? Well it's funny you should ask that.

Well Maybe He Wouldn't Cheat If You Weren't Such A Vindictive Bitch?

Okay, nautical folks, what flag is this. At first I thought it was the Danish nautical flag, but I don't think the angles line up right.

George Zimmerman Should Change His Name To Ben Ghazi, This Way Neither Obama Or Holder Will Mention Him Ever Again.

The Big Black D? D-What? ... Is It big Black Defense? Big Black Dog? What?!

The Holland America Line is a British-American owned cruise line. It was founded in 1873 as the Netherlands-America Steamship Company, a shipping and passenger line. Headquartered in Rotterdam and providing service to the Americas, it became known as Holland America Line. HAL is now headquartered in Seattle, Washington, U.S. The first ships sailed between Rotterdam and New York in 1872, with New York remaining the American terminal. Other services were started to South America and Baltimore. During the first 25 years the company carried 400,000 people from the old world to the new world. Other North American ports were added during the early 20th century. In 1989, HAL became a wholly owned subsidiary of Carnival Corp. The company operates 15 ships to 7 continents and is expected to carry over 750,000 cruise passengers in 2013.

Stop And Think For A Second: Obama Is Just As White As Zimmerman.

So long Dennis Farina, you salty old bastard, we hardly knew ye. You sure did deserve your star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Protip: If You Can't Say One, That One Is Worse.

Air conditioners, whether they are central or window units, dehumidify the air as a byproduct of their cooling method. As they dehumidify, they remove moisture from the air and drain it through a condensate drain. Over time, this drain can become clogged with dirt and debris and needs to be cleaned. There are various ways to clean out an air conditioner condensate drain, and two popular methods are pouring white vinegar or bleach down the line to clear clogs.

Hey Everybody, We're All Gonna Get Laid!

Caddyshack is a 1980 American sports comedy film directed by Harold Ramis and written by Brian Doyle-Murray, Ramis and Douglas Kenney. It was released 33 years ago today, and stars Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight, and Bill Murray. This was Ramis' first feature film and was a major boost to Dangerfield's film career; previously, he was known mostly for his stand-up comedy. Grossing nearly $40 million at the domestic box office -- 17th highest of the year -- it was the first of a series of similar comedies. The film has garnered a large cult following and has been hailed by many publications, such as Time and ESPN, as one of the funniest sports movies of all time. The rowdy, improvisational atmosphere around the filming, created by Harold Ramis, Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, and Rodney Dangerfield, didn't sit well with all the members of the cast. Ted Knight, widely regarded as a very nice man, got fed up with the constant shenanigans. Initially, Murray's, Chase's, and Dangerfield's roles were to be cameo appearances. But their deft improvising caused their roles to be expanded much to the chagrin of Scott Colomby and some of the other cast members whose roles were reduced as a result.