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Ernie's House of Whoopass! July 1, 2013
July 1, 2013

No, I Can't Give You Three Wishes. But I Do Have Three Questions For You.

Way back when I was born a po' black child, The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines articulate as: divided into syllables or words meaningfully arranged; intelligible. able to speak. expressing oneself readily, clearly, or effectively; expressed readily, clearly, or effectively. Unless of course you are prosecution witness in the Zimmerman trial, in which case you can be articulate in Ebonics "Black English." I dunno, perhaps I just don't understand her because I'm a cracka?

Phoenix canariensis is a species of flowering plant in the palm family Arecaceae, native to the Canary Islands. It is also widely known as the pineapple palm because it is easily recognized through its crown of leaves and trunk characteristics. It is not uncommon to see Canary Island date palms pruned and trimmed to enhance the appearance. When pruned, the bottom of the crown, also called the nut, appears to have a pineapple shape.

But enough of that, on to my three questions. First, my local watering hole is closing for a month while the owners galavant around Europe for four weeks, this of course affords me the opportunity to dry out a little bit. But in some last minute conversation with the owner -- whose past life had him in forensics with the local police department -- raised this question: Can Colorado police smoke marijuana, now that it's legal in that state? There was some spirited debate around the bar, but of course no one had any definitive answers. At home, some Googling turned up the following: recently a Colorado court ruled smoking pot off the job can still get you fired; and over in Washington (another chonic friendly state) the Seattle Police stated, "As of right now, no. This is still a very complicated issue." So I guess right now it's still up in the air.

Secondly, our esteemed President is expected to sign the UN Small Arms Treaty. So with that fresh in your mind -- and think about this for a second before you answer -- would the UN arms trade treaty ban US aid to Syrian rebels? Eh? Eh?? No quick answer, is there. And third, what would happen if Superman punched you in the face?

A window valance is a form of window treatment that covers the uppermost part of the window and can be hung alone or paired with window blinds, or curtains. Valances are a popular decorative choice in concealing drapery hardware, and were very popular in Victorian interior design. In draping or bunting form they are commonly referred to as swag valances. The fabric of this valance hangs across brackets and drapes over the top of a window or shower, with tails hanging down on each side. Almost any type of fabric can be used.

Ernie, I think the RCMP need to back and check these houses again...... I'm sure there's also books they overlooked that need to be burned as well. Bret

Something for your "WTF" file. btw, I really liked your post on troubleshooting your internet connection, people should know that routers do different work for each protocol (http, smtp, etc.) they handle and it's entirely plausible that it might be clogging up on one protocol while still working perfectly on others.Also, you didn't like my "mini pooper" pic? Cheers buddy. Eric

Dude, I completely understand; both figuratively because I bashed my head against the wall for an entire day trying to fix it, and literally, because I come from a data communications background. Ye olde Tier 1 n00b power-off-the-modem-wait-power-back-on trick that everyone always dismisses was one of the first things I tried; I just never though to let my finger slide half an inch lower to the physical reset button. But I suppose something like that is always good for knocking me down a peg or two, and reminding myself that we can still overlook the small stuff if you get complacent. I felt like I was that guy with my cock out in the backetball stands at the end of Teen Wolf. No seriously, true story, bro.

A roller shutter, roller door or sectional overhead door is a type of door or window shutter consisting of many horizontal slats -- or sometimes bars or web systems -- hinged together. The door is raised to open it and lowered to close it. On large doors, the action may be motorized. It provides protection against wind and rain. In shutter form, it is used in front of a window and protects the window from vandalism and burglary attempts.

In Telltale Games' The Walking Dead, there was an instance where you had to chop off a man's foot off in order to save him, taken from poor Hershel in the TV series. If you think that's cringe-worthy, that's nowhere near close to having someone cut off your arm with your consent! This is not for the faint of heart gamer. And if you thought Hitman Absolution was all serious business, this Charlie Chipmunk disguise should come as a bit of a shock.

Over the objections of some restaurants and container manufacturers, officials in Somerville, Massachusetts have approved a ban on the use of foam containers and cups at takeout food establishments. The ban, which will go into effect in May 2014, carries up to a $300 penalty for violations. It does not include foam containers in grocery stores, such as meat packaging and egg cartons.

Hey Ernie, great job on helping that lady that hit her head. You're not alone, but there are damn few of us sometimes it seems. Here's a wreck that happened in Clanton, AL (just south of Birmingham, AL) a couple of days ago. The first picture shows the fire during the early-morning wreck where a semi hit the bridge at full speed. Driver lived, amazingly enough. The second shot shows the true horror of the wreck. The fire was BURNING BOOZE. Best, Joel

Hey Ernie, Watched World War Z this weekend and those were the fastest damn zombies I have seen in any zombie flick, does that make Max's movie gay? Scott

The Romans used curtains hanging from poles with a few rings. Pliny's natural history reports that the hard kernels of the cucus tree were turned to make the rings. Such rings may be used as improvisations in other ways. For example, they may be used as a wedding ring to solemnise a marriage ceremony; or as a ligature to prevent nocturnal enuresis. Other uses include attaching a hammer to your pants and your sneakers to your sleeping bag while camping. The 1987 film Planes, Trains and Automobiles has a character played by John Candy who is a curtain ring salesman. His ability to sell the rings for their alternate uses is central to the plot of the movie.

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft, claims to have watched Russian president Vladimir Putin walk off with one of his Super Bowl rings during a 2005 trip to Moscow. Originally, Kraft denounced reports of any theft, saying that he gave the ring to Putin as a gift. Then Kraft is reversing himself, saying that Putin walked off with the ring, and was persuaded to call it a gift as to avoid an international incident. Today, in honor of Putin's legendary --ahem, alleged -- Super Bowl ring heist, I present you with this list of notable championship ring thefts, and surprise, Kraft is the only P{atriot involved.

The Last Supper is a late 15th century mural painting by Leonardo da Vinci in the refectory of the Convent of Santa Maria della Grazie, Milan. The painting represents the scene of The Last Supper of Jesus with his disciples, as it is told in the Gospel of John, 13:21. Leonardo has depicted the consternation that occurred among the Twelve Disciples when Jesus announced that one of them would betray him. Many television shows have used The Last Supper setup in episodes or promotional photography to encourage viewers to look at the show's plot with a religious lens: setting up one character to be viewed as the savior of the group.

Choosing a dental flosser that fits your needs is an essential part of your dental health routine. With our complete line of dental flossers that are engineered not to stretch, shred or break, Plackers Twin Line offers a variety of dental flossers that accommodate various individual needs, including tight teeth, advanced cleaning, plaque removal, sensitive gums, flavor preferences, kids flossing needs, hard to reach teeth, and braces and bridges.

Meanwhile, in Guantanamo Bay, it's Halal You Can Eat! Oh, and the PICTURE ARCHIVE IS FIXED.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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