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Ernie's House of Whoopass! July 18, 2013
July 18, 2013

I Do Not Envy The Headache You Will Have When You Awake. In The Meantime, Dream Of Large Women.

Sorry for the curdled update yesterday. I had taken four Motrin in the morning around 9am or so, and then in desperation, five Advil around 11am. And still, it didn't even touch it so I had to push away from the keyboard. By this time yesterday, I was sitting on the couch curled up in a fetal position with a bag of ice on the side of my head, which was all I could fucking think of to do that actually made the ache go away. Sure I was high, but I didn't care. So, how did I get down? Well it's funny you should ask that.

Here's the first official teaser for "In Saturn's Rings", a giant screen space film for IMAX®, giant screen and fulldome theaters distributed by BIG & Digital, coming spring 2014. To watch in 4K, choose "original" under quality settings, you need a fast computer and a 4K monitor to view it full resolution.

Surprise, fat dumb American goes to a garage sale and buys $9.5M Japanese relic as a $10 TV stand. Who's fat and dumb NOW, huh?

And speaking of the Japs, Unforgiven is a 1992 American Western film produced and directed by Clint Eastwood with a screenplay written by David Webb Peoples. The film portrays William Munny, an aging outlaw and killer who takes on one more job years after he had turned to farming. A dark Western that deals frankly with the uglier aspects of violence and the myth of the Old West, it stars Eastwood in the lead role, with Gene Hackman, Morgan Freeman, and Richard Harris. Eastwood has stated that the film would be his final Western film, as it was dedicated the movie to deceased directors and mentors Don Siegel and Sergio Leone. So without anyone freaking he fuck out... there's going to be a remake this year. But not just any remake, but a remake done entirely in Japanese and starring Ken Watanabe in the lead. If you recognize the face but just cant place him, he's the guy who cultures Tom Cruise in Last Samurai. So if Japanese remakes of our game shows are any indicator of what they can do, this just might be one of the best Japanese things of all time.

Here's a little mystery for you... "Four in the morning, mid-December, and snow is smothering St Andrews. Student Alex Gilbey and his three best friends are staggering home from a party when they stumble upon the body of a young woman. Rosie Duff has been raped, stabbed and left for dead in the ancient Pictish cemetery. And the only suspects are the four young students stained with her blood. Twenty-five years later, Fife police mount a cold case review. Among the unsolved murders they're examining is that of Rosie Duff. But someone else has their own idea of how justice should be done. One of the original quartet dies in a suspicious house fire. Soon after, a second is killed in what looks like a burglary gone sour. But Alex fears the worst. Someone is taking revenge for Rosie Duff. He has to find out who it is before he becomes the next victim. And it might just save his life if he can uncover who really killed Rosie all those years ago." ... To read anymore, you'll have to pick up a copy of Val McDermid's The Distant Echo for yourself.

Two thugs jump dad on Father's Day. And what do we say to thugs on Father's Day? Not today. And here's the unedited footage from the guy's phone.

Thought this was something you might like. Rally for Trayvon Martin in Akron, Mississppi . Ted

That symbol resembles Japanese Kanji for Peaceful or Safe. Hmmm...Safe to enter? Would love to. John

Well now that the Crazy Anna Benson story is slowly making its exit stage right, one important topic we haven't covered yet are the All-Star WAGs. The confluence of these really attractive female companions of baseball's biggest stars is one of the best things about the Midsummer Classic, and we would be remiss not to do a best-of list. Dibs on Adrienne Acton.

Among other known benefits, drinking wine might protect your skin from the sun's damaging rays. At least that is what a recently released study from the University of Barcelona suggests. Several past studies have demonstrated the ability of antioxidants found in fruits and vegetables to protect skin from the sun's harmful UV rays. Wine -- especially red wine --is high in these powerful antioxidants known as polyphenols.

The arrest of Miguel Angel Trevino Morales, a sadistic Mexican drug lord known to have burned and dismembered his opponents while they were still alive, is a major victory for authorities fighting the country's "bloody narco-wars." On his orders, enemies were scalped alive and whole villages of men, women and children were butchered. He promoted the sick phenomenon of Mexigore, making phone videos of beheadings, hangings, human spit-roasts and hacksaw dismemberment to be used as underworld propaganda for the lamest of cartel members.

All divers and snorkelers have been there: water floods your mask, and you're not going to pay attention to anything else until it's clear. It can be pretty worrisome the first time it happens, but luckily it's an easy fix to clear a flooded mask, and with a little practice you won't even sweat it the next time water leaks in. Begin standing in chest deep water, holding your mask in your hand. Close your eyes, and roll over backwards and dunk yourself under water. Now, simply use your fingers or the heel of your hand to apply a little pressure to the top edge of the mask frame, and exhale gently but steadily through your nose. You don't have to blast the breath as if you're clearing a snorkel - just a gentle breath out will do. Gravity will work its magic, and the water will flow downward out of the mask as the mask fills with air.

Every once in awhile I like to browse through the online news feeds of the folks back home and this story from Topsfield caught my eye. Watch through it and pay particular attention to the "assault rifle with hundreds of rounds of ammunition" part; if it cruises by too quickly, here's a screen cap of the, ahem, assault rifle. Does it look familiar? Yes? Well that's because it's one of those Mosin Nagants that I always talk about; specifically it's a Russian bolt action rifle that was last redeisnged back in 1931. It holds five -- yes five whole bullets -- which is enough to let you fire two blasts in the air, but hardly what I would call an assault rifle, wouldn't you agree? Besides, hundreds of rounds of ammunition? Big fucking whoop, the ammo has been pretty steady in the 54R arena for a while, about $89/spam can of 440 rounds. So having a few hundred rounds doesn't mean shit, nor is it an assault rifle, but we're not reporting the news we're selling dreams, baby!

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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