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Ernie's House of Whoopass! August 2, 2013
August 2, 2013

But I'm Gonna Get You High Today, 'cause It's Friday; You Ain't Got No Job... And You Ain't Got Shit To Do.

I hereby demand that someone send me $1.6 million dollars so that I may fulfill a lifelong dream. Thank you in advance.

Splenda is the commercial name and registered trade mark of a sucralose-based artificial sweetener derived from sugar, owned by the British company Tate & Lyle and American company Johnson & Johnson. Since its approval by the United States government in 1998 and introduction there in 1999, sucralose has overtaken Equal in the $1.5-billion artificial sweetener market, holding a 62% market share. According to market research firm IRI, Splenda sales were $212 million in 2006 in the U.S. while Equal's totaled $48.7 million. Splenda is marketed in light yellow packaging and is available in granular and tablet form.

Old and busted: Kate Upton poses for Terry Richardson. The new hotness: Sophia Vergara poses for Terry Richardson.

Spinal cord injuries occur when the diver strikes his/her head on an object such as a pool or lake bottom or a submerged object. Most serious injuries involve the cervical spine (neck) in the C-5 region and are classified as compression or flexion-compression injuries. It is estimated that approximately 800 spinal cord injuries resulting from diving into a body of water occur each year in the United States. Approximately three-quarters occur in the natural aquatic environment, while the remaining amount occur in shallow swimming pools. It is estimated that ninety percent of these incidents occur in water depths less than 6 feet.

And I'll preface this by saying I apologize in advance (Rebecca Romijn tweeted photo of Jerry O'connell in a speedo) for the stupid animation. But. Many moons ago, from way back in their WAAF days Opie and Anthony did a bit where Anthony would call a store and the only word he would use during the entire conversation, was "buttplugs." I'll admit the concept doesn't sound all that funny, but when you hear it play out and how each employee adapts to what they're hearing -- the guy can't be calling for buttplugs, right? -- it's actually quite hysterical. Also, there's this.

Semi crash in Greensburg Indiana near Interstate 74.....have a good one.. Beetle from Indiana

This video shows how to make a fresh Tropical Coco Loco coconut cocktail at the Lol-Ha Snack Bar Restaurant at Hotel Akumal Caribe. This greedy bitch ordered two of them.

Old and busted: baseball game handjob. The new hotness: volleyball game blowjob.

Cranberry juice may help prevent and relieve the symptoms of urinary tract infections (UTIs) by primary and secondary means. The primary means works on the bacteria directly by altering the molecular structure of the fimbriae on the pathogenic strains of the bacteria that cause the infections. The secondary means works indirectly on the bacteria by changing the intravesical pH (the pH of the bladder's contents) making it more acidic. However, results from recent randomized controlled trials have been disappointing. A trial of 319 college women with an acute UTI, failed to show that drinking cranberry juice would reduce the incidence of a second UTI.

You know, call me a spoil sport, but I don't think it's safe to have a microwave oven this close to a bathtub full of water. Certainly not safer than say, scratch-n-sniff online banner ad.

Hey Ernie, a while ago you posted some picture of some really cool cars from your camera phone. I tried to find them but couldn't. We usually don't get to see such cool cars here in the middle of BFE Idaho. Can you point me in the right direction? Cliff

Here are the ones from the original batch you mentioned: 2013 Jaguar F-TYPE V8 S - 2012 Audi R8 Roadster - 2010 Gallardo LP 550-2 Spyder - 2013 Audi R8 hardtop - 1972 Chevy C10 Pickup - 1975 Rolls Royce Silver Shadow. And here are a few others going back until mid 2012: Porsche Carrera GT - Porsche Carrera GT (different view) - Ford Ranchero HAHAHAHAHAHAHA - Miami Dolphins Donk - EM-50 urban Assault Vehicle (for sale!) - Fisker Karma - Corvette prototype - 1970 Dodge Challenger R/T - 1970 Dodge Challenger R/T (different view)

And if you fell asleep at the wheel during Amazon's $10 off Kershaw sale, now is your chance to redeem yourself. I picked up one more because $46 shipped to my door? Fuck it, they're like $70 everywhere else, and that's without shipping or sales tax.

And besides, with it being Friday and me opening this post up with a nice quote from the movie, and everyone waiting for The Walking Dead to come back, you didn't possibly think I'd let you wo without linking to the entire movie, AMIRITE?

MACHETE KILLS: the second trailer has dropped, along with the Babes of Machete

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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