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Ernie's House of Whoopass! August 19, 2013
August 19, 2013

Now That Business Is Over, We Party. Bitches, Come!

Skechers is an American shoe company headquartered in Manhattan Beach, California, founded by CEO Robert Greenberg and his son Michael in 1992 right after Robert left LA Gear, which he had founded in 1983. Michael was a distributor for Doc Martens. Importing knock-off Doc Martens boots ended in a legal battle between Skechers and Doc Martens. Skechers' early products were utility-style boots and skate shoes; the company has since diversified to include thousands of athletic, casual and dress styles for women, men, and children.

Remember the Flowbee? The haircutting machine that attached to your vacuum? Well thankfully, grooming gadgets have come a long, long way since then. Not only do they no longer suck -- literally or figuratively -- but they are also much more clever, and in some cases much more technologically advanced. Here's a list of some excellent grooming gadgets. Some are designed for and marketed just to men; and a couple of them seem to be marketed mainly toward women, despite the fact that there is nothing inherently feminine about them.

This Chost Orchid is a leafless epiphyte of the Vandeae family. The plants consist of large masses of photosynthetic roots, anchored as a network on trees. It is found in moist, swampy forests in southwestern Florida and Cuba, and other Caribbean islands. This orchid blossoms between June and August, with one to ten fragrant flowers that open one at a time. The white flower is 3–4 cm wide and 7–9 cm long and is borne on spikes arising from the root network. During its peak fragrance emittance in the early morning, the scent is fruity, resembling an apple.

Like Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade always says, "No mistakes in the tango. Not like life. It's simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, get all tangled up, just tango on."

The Discovery Channel's Shark Week, first broadcast on July 17, 1987, is a week-long series of feature television programs dedicated to sharks. Held annually, normally in July or August, Shark Week was originally developed to raise awareness and respect for sharks. It is the longest-running cable television programming event in history.] Now broadcast in over 72 countries, Shark Week is promoted heavily via social networks like Facebook and Twitter. Shark Week 2013 began with a fictitious CGI'd documentary-style film on the hypothesized the Megalodon shark, and was criticized as looking very fake.

A happy face is a stylized representation of a smiling humanoid face, commonly occurring in popular culture. It is commonly represented as a yellow (many other colors are also used) circle with two black dots representing eyes and a black arc representing the mouth. The happy face was first introduced to popular culture as part of a promotion by New York radio station WMCA beginning in 1962. Listeners who answered their phone "WMCA Good Guys!" were rewarded with a "WMCA good guys" sweatshirt that incorporated a happy face into its design. Thousands of these sweatshirts were given away. The WMCA smiley was yellow with black dots as eyes, but it had a slightly crooked smile instead of a full smile, and no creases in the mouth.

While mostly unwelcome, video game glitches can be humorous, or even fucking spooky. Let's take a look at 25 of the most bewildering, amusing, and downright creepy videogame glitches -- and expect none of the bullshit texture-glitches or lame pedestrian-out-of-bounds you might find elsewhere. These straight up gangsta glitches might even make you say "WTF?"

The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas. Oh, God. It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mom were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work. A couple hours went by. Dad wasn't home. So Mom called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went, and still nothing. So the police began a search. Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try to light up the fire. That's when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He'd been climbing down the chimney... his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck. He died instantly. And that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus.

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