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Ernie's House of Whoopass! September 18, 2013
September 18, 2013

No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, AND NO.

The legal definition of accidental is, "Something happening by chance; something unforeseen, unexpected, unusual, extraordinary, or phenomenal, taking place not according to the usual course of things or events, out of the range of ordinary calculations; that which exists or occurs abnormally, or an uncommon occurrence." To that end, I don't think that pulling the trigger on a firearm and having a bullet come out is unforeseen, unexpected, unusual, extraordinary, or phenomenal.

The legal definition of negligence is, "Conduct that falls below the standards of behavior established by law for the protection of others against unreasonable risk of harm. A person has acted negligently if he or she has departed from the conduct expected of a reasonably prudent person acting under similar circumstances." And to that end, I do think pointing a firearm -- whether you believe it to be loaded or not -- at another individual, to have departed from the conduct expected of a reasonably prudent person.

So when I read the headline, "Man Charged In Accidental Fatal Shooting Of Girlfriend's Son" let's get one thing very clear: there was absolutely nothing accidental about this. An accident is a clap of thunder so loud that it causes you to bolt upright from a table and having the corner of the table catch the butt of the handgun in such a way that it pulls just hard enough to break the retention strap allowing the gun to fall to the hardwood floor where upon impact a unseen defect in the firing pin block causes that to fail releasing the firing pin striking the primer firing the gun and shooting a boy in the head. That's accident. Or pure bad luck. Or an act of God, or fate, or whatever the fuck you want to call it. But "Szilagyi said Grisham and the boy often played a game where the boy pointed his finger at Grisham and said, "bang, bang." Grisham would respond by pointing his gun at the boy (VIOLATION RULE #2) and pulling the trigger (VIOLATION RULE #3). Szilagyi said the investigation shows Grisham "this time forgot the chamber was loaded." (VIOLATION RULE #1) That's pure unadulterated negligence. That's willfully violating Rules #1, #2 and #3. That's homicide.

I've posted these four rules of firearm safety before, but don't have any hesitation about posting them again. And again. And again. And explained VERY well in this video titled Three Biggest Safety Issues.

All guns are always loaded.

Never let the muzzle cover anything you are not willing to destroy.

Keep your finger off the trigger until your sights are on the target.

Be sure of your target and what is beyond it.

In fact, do a Google news search for "accidental shooting" and I double dog da- -- no I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU -- to find a single scenario where at least one of these four safety rules were NOT violated.

Police investigate shooting death at gun range - No. Anytime there's a death at a gun range it's one of two things. it's either suicide, or it's willful violations of Rules #1, #2 and #3.

Brother Charged After Lying About Accidental Shooting Of 16-year-old Sister - "the boy admitted that he had been playing with the gun at their house when it accidentally went off." Willful violations of Rules #1, #2 and #3.

Owner Isn't Blaming Dog For Accidental Shooting, Police Say - Well okay fuck you. Not a violation of the four rules, but still negligence and not accidental, for storing a loaded firearm in a place where a dog could knock it over.

Longwood Student Hurt In What School Calls Accidental Shooting - "another Longwood student, was showing a firearm to a friend in the 500 block of High Street about 8 p.m. Sunday when the gun discharged." No, it didn't just discharge, someone pulled the trigger. Willful violations of Rules #1, #2 and #3.

College Station Man Sentenced In 2012 Accidental Shooting - "Paskey-Pullen was accidentally shot in the head and killed by Kenneth Connor. Police say the three were doing drugs and passing around the gun when it went off." No, it didn't just go off, someone pulled the trigger. Willful violations of Rules #1, #2 and #3.

Hazelbaker Pleads Guilty in Accidental Shooting of Daughter - "Hazelbaker pointed his gun at his daughter and pulled the trigger, but believed the safety was on." Willful violations of Rules #1, #2 and #3.

I could go farther down the page, but I think you get the idea. As a society we have GOT to get away from the idea that these are accidents. That shucks darn, someone slid on some black ice and got into a fender bender. These are NOT accidental shootings. They are negligent shootings, and yes, there's a huge fucking difference. And I'll add this: in ANY of these cases where the shooter is a minor, there's also an adult to be held culpable as well, for storing a firearm in such a way where it can be accessed by a child (or a fucking dog). And I'm sorry, but we need to start holding these fucking people accountable for their actions, distraught family member or not.

And here's another story, and its's true. Every mass shooting -- EVERY mass shooting -- that's happened over the last 20 years has had one thing in common. Assault weapons? No. Avoided a background check? No. High capacity magazines? No. Semi-automatic weapons? No. But keep trying, I'll bet you can guess what it is.

Old and busted: Miley Cyrus' sexy wrecking ball video. The new hotness: Nicholas Cage's not-so-sexy wrecking ball video.

Back up north, one of my favorite things that used to come out around this time of the year was Wachusett's Imperial Pumpkin beer. It was fucking awesome. You could taste the pumpkin but at the same time it was still beer'ey enough to taste like be beer and not a fucking wine cooler. Unfortunately, I have no such options down here in the Sunshine state, and thus I will have to see if I cant manage to find some of the pumpkin beers on this list and see how they compare to Wachusett's high water mark.

Ndamukong Suh is an American football defensive tackle for the Detroit Lions, and despite only being in his fourth NFL season, but he's already acquired a reputation as the dirtiest player in the league. Officially, of course, this is a bad thing. But Lions fans who like the idea of actually winning football games probably don't mind all that much. Let's take a look at how Suh has acquired his reputation.

An amazing gallery of video game characters compared to their real life counterparts; Dexter's psycho-girlfriend Yvonne Strahovski FTW!

ACT QUICKLY: buy a $40 Brownell's gift card for $20, then turn around and order 3 PMAGs which cost $40.32 shipped..... meaning yur cost for each PMAG is $6.78 right to your door.

behold andy richter's LINE OF THE YEAR on diane kruger, who in all fairness, kind of seems like a cunt.


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