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Ernie's House of Whoopass! November 4, 2013
November 4, 2013

Human Beings are a Plague Upon This Earth.

"A bear had eaten Lavoie's food and destroyed his boat in mid-July, leaving him alone with the dog. A few days after the bear attack, the person who spoke to QMI on condition of anonymity said Lavoie used a rock to kill his dog before eating the pet." [source]

A few days. A few days? A few fucking days?! NEWSFLASH: Anyone respectable hiker, anyone who heads into the wilderness with a backpack, hell anyone whose ever spent a fucking month in the Boy Scouts knows the rule of 3's. You can survive around 3 minutes without air. You can survive around 3 days without water. You can survive around 3 weeks without food. It's so fucking well known, it's one of the questions on the International Hunter Education Association's outdoor skills test, and there's actually a fucking website named And this asshole only waited a few fucking days before killing and eating his fucking dog? Are you fucking kidding me? A few fucking days? That's it? A few weeks I can force myself to understand, but a few days? Jesus Christ, the guy barely has a rumble in his stomach at that point.

And why did the bear attack in the first place? I'll tell you, because he smelled food, that's why. And it doesn't take much food to draw a bear's attention, either. That's why any experienced outdoorsman knows how to use bear bags. Instead, since bears aren't in the business of destroying inanimate objects unless they smell edible, I presume this asshole decided to store all of his food inside his fucking canoe.

So let's recap. Despite warnings to the contrary, ill-prepared man ventures alone and unarmed into the bear filled Canadian wilderness, with only his loyal dog as a companion. Man gets attacked by bear. Loyal dog defends man. FROM. A. FUCKING. BEAR. Later, man gets hungry. Man pulls a fucking Jimbo from South Park. Added bonus: When man is rescued, the first thing he asks for is another snack. So let's hope this dog is a little better prepared than the last one.

Another activity in which you should be adequately prepared? Boating. Sure, heading out into the open sea can be exhilarating, but having adequate supplies is necessary to ensure smooth sailing. Many vessels, particularly sailboats, have limited storage. Avoid the impulse to over- or underpack; instead, focus on the essentials and leave the rest at home. Take a plastic dry bag in which you can put your cell phone and important papers in the event of a storm, and a couple of flashlights in case the on-board generator fails.

This railway accident happen in 2011 on the Quebec Cartier Railway now own by Arcelor Mittal. Rocks came down on the track, the engineer didn't have time to bring the train to a full stop before the impact. Both engineer and brakeman made it without a scratch. Guillaume [Ernie says: more photos of this loco before and after the crash.]

Hey Ernie - Stimulus Package. I had an umbilical hernia repair the Wednesday before you. They didn't use the mesh- but instead just stitched up my abdominal wall. I'll send a picture later. cheers, Jake

I hope you bought into that, because Bullet Bourbon is good shit, although if I'm buying, it'll be their Rye. Did you know that Martini & Rossi is an Italian multinational alcoholic beverage company primarily associated with the Martini brand of vermouth and also with sparkling wine? It also produces the French vermouth, Noilly Prat. Since the earliest days, Martini have marketed their products aggressively, with some memorable TV advertising and sponsoring events under their MARTINI Terrazza logo. The company has been involved in motor racing sponsorship under the Martini Racing banner since 1968, and is now a main sponsor of Scuderia Ferrari.

Old and busted: One man's trash is another man's treasure. The new hotness: one person's offensive Halloween costume is another person's AWESOME Halloween costume! I can't decide which I like better, Christopher Reeve or Trayvon Martin.

The New Orleans Carnival season, with roots in preparing for the start of the Catholic season of Lent, starts after Twelfth Night, on Epiphany. It is a season of parades, masquerade balls, and king cake parties. It has traditionally been part of the winter social season; at one time "coming out" parties for young women at débutante balls were timed for this season. The traditional colors of Mardi Gras are purple, green, and gold. These colors are said to have been chosen by Grand Duke Alexis Alexandrovitch Romanoff of Russia during a visit to New Orleans in 1872. This doctrine was reaffirmed in 1892, when the Rex Parade theme "Symbolism of Colors" gave the three colors their meanings: purple for justice, gold for power, and green for faith.

Jerry Seinfeld remakes Christopher Nolan's Memento, which is a pretty funny when you think about it. Thank you kindly! Matin

Hey Ernie, in reference to that comeback photo with the "unsafe outlet" - I would be willing to bet that girl is actually Russian. Or some sort of bargain basement former soviet republic. Most of which are known for shitty infrastructure and uber hot chicks that will do anything for a pair of Levi skinny jeans. The Germans are almost OCD on most things safety, probably everything but their porn, and those outlets have no provision for a ground post. Looks like an old Soviet standard seen here -CMF

There seems to be a logical explanation about why women have nipples - for babies. But why do men's bodies retain what appears to be redundant body parts? The Darwinian natural selection process would seem to dictate that male nipples really should not be there. So what's the deal? Why do men have nipples? The answer is that as embryos men and women have similar tissues and body parts. If anything the embryo follows a 'female template'. That is why nipples are present in both sexes. It is the effect of the genes, the Y chromosome and the hormone testosterone that brings about the changes and masculinises the embryo. Testosterone promotes the growth of the penis and testicles. Because nipples are there before this process begins, the nipples stay!

I would never, in a million fucking years, eat my dog. Fight Zorro for his sweetheart, yes. Dine in complete darkness with Rachel McAdams, yes. But eat my fucking dog, no.

In automotive engineering, an exhaust manifold collects the exhaust gases from multiple cylinders into one pipe. The word manifold comes from the Old English word manigfeald, and refers to the folding together of multiple inputs and outputs. Exhaust manifolds are generally simple cast iron or stainless steel units which collect engine exhaust from multiple cylinders and deliver it to the exhaust pipe. For many engines, there are aftermarket tubular exhaust manifolds known as headers. These consist of individual exhaust headpipes for each cylinder, which then usually converge into one tube called a collector.

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