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Ernie's House of Whoopass! November 22, 2013
November 22, 2013

My Fellow Americans, Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You, Ask What You Can Do For Your Country.

John Fitzgerald Kennedy, the 35th President of the United States, was assassinated at 12:30 p.m. Central Standard Time on Friday, November 22, 1963, in Dealey Plaza, Dallas, Texas. Kennedy was fatally shot by a sniper [stabilized footage] while traveling with his wife Jacqueline, Texas Governor John Connally, and Connally's wife Nellie, in a presidential motorcade. A ten-month investigation in 1963–64 by the Warren Commission concluded that Kennedy was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald, acting alone [back and to the left] and that Jack Ruby also acted alone when he killed Oswald before he could stand trial.

Although the Commission's conclusions were initially supported by a majority of the American public, polls conducted between 1966 and 2003 found that as many as 80 percent of Americans have suspected that there was a plot or cover-up. A 1998 CBS News poll showed that 76% of Americans believed the President had been killed as the result of a conspiracy. A 2013 AP poll showed, that although the percentage had fallen, more than 59% of those polled still believed that more than one person [magic bullet] was involved in the President's murder.

In contrast to the conclusions of the Warren Commission, the United States House Select Committee on Assassinations (HSCA) concluded in 1978 that Kennedy was probably assassinated as a result of a conspiracy. The HSCA found the original FBI investigation and the Warren Commission Report to be seriously flawed. While agreeing with the Commission that Oswald fired all the shots which caused the wounds to Kennedy and Connally, the HSCA stated that there were at least four shots fired -- only three of which could be linked to Oswald -- and that there was "...a high probability that two gunmen fired at [the] President."

The HSCA did not identify any other person or group involved in the assassination besides Oswald, but they did specifically say the CIA, the Soviet Union, organized crime, and several other groups were not involved, although they could not rule out the involvement of individual members of those groups. Kennedy's assassination is still the subject of widespread debate [remembering Kennedy] and has spawned numerous conspiracy theories and alternative scenarios.

Also, Kennedy had a sweet ass Presidential yacht and rightfully so, as he swore like a fucking sailor.

Why did Maria Shriver marry Arnold Schwarzenegger? They're trying to make a bulletproof Kennedy.

I'm just curious... over the years, we read more and more about you getting new guns, ammo, etc. I am in no way against it, but I am curious... at what point is what you have enough? Seriously, I can't begin to imaging the stockpile you have in your house. I do not own any guns, but am in constant battle with my boss lady over having one in the house with a younger child. (Haven't won that battle yet) Maybe my curiosity will change once I'm officially a gun owner. Keep up the good work, Nate.

Well the short form answer is buying guns is like eating Lays potato chips. I had a single handgun for about two years before finally buying a second and then, boom I caught the bug. But really there's a two pronged answer. First, "at what point is what you have enough?" Well, if you're collecting things is there ever really enough? Aren't you always looking to add things to your collection? Some people -- whose pockets are a shit ton deeper than mine -- collect exotic cars. I mean who really needs more than one Ferrari? Other people collect vintage typewriters, or Fabergé eggs, or expensive paintings, or baseball cards, or vinyl records, or Pez dispensers or whatever. To each his own, right? I just so happen to enjoy collecting firearms, and to suggest they should be looked at differently than any of those other collectibles I mentioned, means you see it as a usability issue. I have a bunch of guns, therefore I must use a bunch of guns. Well, not really. Until such a time I can sprout extra arms like some Hindu deity, I would suggest that a guy with 200 guns can use no more than a guy with 2 guns, since I've only got that many arms.

Second part of your question is, they're sure as hell not a bad investment. I have bought and sold several guns -- always more of the former and less of the latter, unless you're my wife in which case it's about even -- but only once did I lose money (piece of shit Kel-Tec, haha). Remember when I bought Lord Humungus in August of last year for $600 -- remember to negotiate people, cash talks -- and stuck it in my safe? I could probably boost it for around $1,000 now. And about two years ago I picked up a Winchester 94AE lever action rifle chambered in .38/.357 magnum for... I want to say $300 or $325, I can't remember exactly which. Great deal on a gun that's tough to find because it's not made anymore. Current average price is around $700, give or take. So collectible firearms are not a bad place to put your money, either. Shit they're doing better than my 401k.

Another place that ain't bead to put your money? Last year, Brazilian Playboy model Catarina Migliorini briefly caught the media's attention with the news that she planned to sell her virginity to the highest bidder. She ended up getting $780,000 to lose her virginity to a millionaire from Japan, but apparently the arrangement fell through when Migliorini met him and realized he looked nothing like his picture. No doubt she's have tried to kill herself after letting one of these little guys have their way with her tall Brazilian ass. But don't worry, she's relisted her virinity again only this time, WITH PICS.

Why weren't any of the Kennedys good at boxing? They just couldn't take a shot to the head.

So Pops in his golden years sent me this. He was able to see it as he spends the winters in Apache Junction, AZ and was down to see it. Oh and it's in HD so open the window to its High Def Goodness level. No bombing, just beautiful B17's. -Ryan

Ernie, I don't know when you looked at this site but by the time I got to it they jacked the price up 350%. Bastards!! John

Well, two things to note John. First, I received those alert via email around 9am -- I know the "Date reads 13:57 + 1:00" but that's a time zone misconfiraution error on my Wikiarms account, as I'm in the Eastern time zone which is Greenwish time - 5 hours, not +1. So anyway 9am that came through and I posted it about, eh an hour later. Here are the two links that came in [first and second]. And the second thing you have to realize is the one link you're referring to ($.14/round) is for .22 magnum ammo, not regular .22 long rifle. But regardless, you know the .22 ammo is bad when we're importing shit from the Phillipied and importing from Sweden. But I would kindly suggest that you sign up for alerts yourself, because whenever anything good like that comes in, it's going to be long gone by 7pm, which is when you went a'lookin. I have mine sent to my phone and again, the .50 cal ammo cans for realz. Seven of them shipped to my door within two days, for $100.

Far from being idiots, people with savant syndrome are often extremely intelligent, even though that intelligence is focused on one or two specific areas. As one researcher put it, a savant's mind is simply organized differently, with an “island of genius” amid the sea of a broader mental disability. Savant syndrome proves that the human mind is capable of far more than we give it credit for.

JFK and Bobby walk into a bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?" JFK says, "Eh, just give us a couple of shooters."

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