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Ernie's House of Whoopass! March 11, 2014
March 11, 2014

We're In Italy. The Guy On The Top Bunk Has Gotta Make The Guy's Bed On The Bottom Bunk.

So the guys over at Serious Eats did a pretty big taste test of tortilla chips. Tasters were asked to judge chips based on overall preference, crispness, corn flavor, and saltiness, and salsa was provided for tasters to do a "dip test." Turns out that Frio-Lay is the king of tortilla chips. The two versions of Tostitos we tried (both Tostitos Simply Natural and Tostitos Originals) took first and second place, respectively. Third place went to Santitas, Tostitos' more inexpensive line of chips.

I've always been a huge Boeing fan -- fuck you Airbus I can't wait to see an A380 crash -- and after those three trips to Israel the Boeing 777 quickly became my favorite plane to travel on. And even though I don't have dick shit to do with the company, I've always been somehow -- I don't know if 'proud' is the right word but for lack of any other -- yes I'll say proud of the 777's safety reputation. In the 20 years since its taken to the skies, there has only been one hull loss resulting in a fatality, and that was when some dumb fuck of an Asiana Airlines pilot flew the fucking thing into the ground last year. So if it turns out some Iranian underwear bomb wearing assholes brought down my favorite plane with the loss of all 239 souls on board, I'm going to be fucking pissed. And you might ask yourself, "Captain Sully and the Hudson river aside, just what kind of odds do we have in the event of an water landing in the wide open ocean?" Well, not too fucking good if things go like this.

Today we're going to count down the 13 most infamous known and documented cases of such lascivious activities in public. A couple of them have become pretty well known -- like this one from 2007 -- thanks to a little thing called the internet, but others you may not have heard about. So take a look, and prepare to be utterly scandalized. Also, Yankee fans are whores.

According to a recent study from the American Academy of Dermatology, 45 percent of women between the ages of 21 and 26 will experience adult acne. Those pesky hormones are partially to blame, but stress and poor eating habits, as well as smoking can add to breakouts. Burt's Bees Natural Acne Solutions, formulated with Salicylic Acid derived naturally from Willow Bark Extract, penetrates pores to reduce acne and prevent future breakouts. They offer their best natural acne products including: purifying cleanser, pore scrub, clarifying toner, acne moisturizing lotion and spot treatments. Dermatologist Tested and Noncomedogenic, Burt's Bees Natural Acne Solution promotes clear, smooth, and healthy-looking skin.

Hey Ernie, that's a bottle of Russian Standard vodka on the shelf behind the hottie with the nice tits. It's somewhere in the UK too because of the three pin plug on the toaster. Laters mate Rob W, Birmingham England

Ernie, Good evening. I've been following your site for around ten years and figured it was time I give back. What is that I'm giving back you ask? Well, it's the picture of the bottle of vodka sitting in the window sill behind that topless temptress. It's a vodka called Russian Standard. The label is in Cyrillic. With that, I bid you farewell. Jason

Ernie, I don't know about you, but this disturbs the fuck out of me. Cheers, Charley

Nope, doesn't frighten me one bit. But that does offer a nice rhetorical hook to Rex's shotgun comment from yesterday. I decided to do some more digging on that Paige Hathaway chick: here is her Instagram feeds, the shotgun photo in question directly from her Twitter account, and a nice high def workout video. Also my two two Mossberg pump shotguns and my two Benellis; a semiautomatic M4 and dual action M3. I've talked with a few people who are a fan of the new dual-tube swictable bullpups, but somehow they just seem inherently more complicated than they need to be. Between the two models out there -- the UTS-15 and Kel-Tec KSG both run a hefty $1,200 -- the Kel-tec seems to be the better made of the two. It seemed to have fared much better during its torture test than the UTS did in even common useage. One guy had to get three of them before one actually worked right. My advice for a nice heavy duty pump action? Mossberg M590A1 12 Gauge with bayonet for $650. Why the bayonet? For Army training, sir!

The margarita glass, a variant of the classic Champagne coupe, is used primarily for serving Margaritas. The double-bowl shape of the margarita glass is a fun and distinctive shape that works particularly well for frozen margaritas and the wide rim makes it easy to add a salt or sugar rim. Margarita glasses can come in a variety of sizes and can range anywhere from 6 to 20 ounces. The smaller glasses are nice for drinks with no ice, the medium glasses are good for frozen drinks, and the large bowls are good for drinks served with either a lot of ice or large frozen drinks.

Meth mouth is a dental condition characterized by severe decay and loss of teeth, as well as fracture, enamel erosion, and other oral problems symptomatic of extended use of the drug methamphetamine. The specific cause of the condition is unknown, although drug-induced dry mouth and grinding of the teeth are thought to be involved. Other frequently cited factors are poor nutrition, eating too much sugar, and lack of dental hygiene, common among long-term users of the drug. To treat patients with the condition, dentists prescribe fluoride to fight tooth decay and drugs that increase saliva for dry mouth; they also educate patients about nutrition and dental hygiene. Images of diseased mouths are often used in anti-drug campaigns.

Gonna take a long shot here on what book that gal is reading. I'm guessing that it is John Grishams book "The Chamber" only the book is the French Edition. Please don't flame me on your site if I am wrong. Thanks Dan

[Ernie says: BZZZZZZT! Right language, wrong book.]

Hi Ernie, here's your book- you may need to translate it! Looks like she's outside of her french estate Keep up the good work! Thanks, Peter

All right, all right, all right. Now this next one might not be doable? I was trying to figure out where this Rebel Rock Radio station is from. A Google image search for the term doesn't yield any emblems that look similar to the one on his shirt. That image is from this photoset which may yield more clues, but it requires a registration and I just don;t fucking feel like it.

Started in 1982 by nuclear engineer Charlie Papazian, the Great American Beer Festival is a three-day annual event hosted by the Brewers Association, and held in Denver, Colorado. Over 100 beer judges from the United States and abroad evaluate beer in the associated competition, ultimately judging 3,300 beers entered by almost 500 domestic breweries. Gold, silver and bronze medals in 83 beer-style categories are awarded, though not every medal is necessarily awarded in each category.

Affliction Clothing is an American clothing manufacturer and retailer based in Seal Beach, California. Affliction's clothing line includes men's and women's t-shirts, polo shirts, thermals, button downs, hoodies, denim, dresses, watches, headwear, shorts, and swimwear. Wearing of affliction t-shirts has been associated with a rock and roll lifestyle, as well as heavily influenced by motorcycle and MMA culture. Many of Affliction's shirts bear the logo of many of the world's top-ranked MMA fighters, which they call their Signature Series.

Attention New York State firearm permit holders from Putnam County : prepare to have your personal information published in newspapers again. No this is not a repeat from 2012.

Well, at least they didn't shoot him.

here are sometimes less-than-legal ways to watch your favorite cable shows without cable. wink, wink, nudge, nudge


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