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Ernie's House of Whoopass! April 23, 2014
April 23, 2014

Why Am I Reminded Of Some Joke From My Childhood, Something About Flatman And Ribbon?

With summer approaching, many of you are probably looking forward to the long, sunshine filled days ahead. That sunshine can do more than just warm our skin and give us our daily doses of vitamin D. It can also dry and sanitize our laundry. A clothesline is a very simple way to reduce your energy use and lower your budget. You can see an average savings of $50 per month on your electric bill since starting to use the clothesline. Plus, a simple and inexpensive pulley clothesline allows you to stay in a stationary shaded area while your clothes take the journey. Here are some instructions to install your pulley clothes line system, which you can see in use here. I know, those girls are even more clever as these vanity plates, amirite?

Bath & Body Works candles are the world's best candle guaranteed! They are made using the highest concentration of fragrance oils and an exclusive blend of vegetable wax and lead-free wicks, the wax melts consistently and evenly, radiating enough fragrance to fill an entire room. The fragrance Moonlight Path is an opulent floral bouquet that captures the essence of moonlit strolls in a lush garden. That reminds me of back in late February when I posted this picture to see if anyone could identify what candles are in the background. Jan correctly identified the one on the right as Coconut Bay, but that was as far as we got. I even wrote into customer service to see if they could help, but no dice. So what obscure scent the other one is, remains a mystsery to this day.

There is an old English proverb, "the eyes are the window to the soul." It is basically stating that by looking deeply into a person's eyes, you can tell who they truly are on the inside. This saying stems from a passage in the Bible, Matthew 6:22-23, "The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!" A form of this quote has been traced back to the great orator and Roman philosopher Cicero who once said, "The face is a picture of the mind as the eyes are its interpreter." The proverb evolved over time encapsulating into these words of wisdom: "The eyes are the window to the soul." And all of these ladies have great big beautiful round souls. You're welcome.

So I tried to find a little bit of background on the Supraleage, whatever that is. Web and image searches turned up zip. Any ideas?

Hey Ernie, I've been a fan of your site for several years now and I need some help. A buddy posted this pic of an antique scale he found in an old shop and he is curious what language is written on it and what it says. Looks like a serious weed scale to me.... Any help would be great....Thanks, Dusty

Calcutta Fishing was born in Florida in 1991, a time when quality frozen bait was hard to find. The following year, Calcutta set up processing plants in Marathon and Fort Pierce, Florida to market rigged and un-rigged ballyhoo, mullet and mackerel. Making sure fishermen were armed with the “Best Damn Bait” was the company's number one priority. As the bait business grew, Calcutta expanded their merchandising to other categories such as t-shirts, hats, backpacks, rigging wire, pre-tied rigs and other fishing gear.

Russia's chief export seems to be international outrage lately, but did you know that they've also produced a consistent crop of sexy models over the years? If not, you can refer to this list of nine of the sexiest Russian models of the last few years. And remember that unlike virtually all American cheerleaders, it's even more unlikely that you have a chance with any of these women. You're welcome.

Earlier this week Netflix announced that sometime in Q3 or Q4 of this year, there will be a one or two dollar increase for new members. So if you haven't subscribed to Netflix yet, might I suggest you pause your betamax VCR, pick up your rotary telephone and call Netflix to do so.

Lysol Disinfecting Wipes help stop the spread of germs and are perfect for touch-up cleaning. Lysol Disinfecting Wipes are also approved to remove more than 95% of allergens. Like germs, allergens exist on hard surfaces, so Lysol Disinfecting Wipes help you year round to keep your family thriving. Feel free to use both available scents of Lysol Disinfecting wipes -- Lemon & Lime Blossom in the yellow contain and Ocean Fresh in the green container -- all around your home; they are even suitable to use on wood!

Whatever happened to all those fuel tanks jettisoned over Vietnam? And now you know. Greg

Freebirds World Burrito, is a regional chain of fast casual burrito restaurants founded in 1987 in Isla Vista, California by Mark Orfalea. The restaurant chain expanded into Texas in 1990 under Orfalea's leadership. In 1994 Mark's college friend and manager of the Texas location, Pierre Dube, purchased control of the restaurant and gradually expanded the chain to span 19 restaurants in Texas. Orfalea retained ownership of the original California location and a license to continue using the name in California. The Texas Freebirds World Burrito chain, which was headquartered in College Station, was purchased by private-equity Tavistock Group in 2007. The chain has grown to over 30 locations in Texas and a single location in Oklahoma and Kansas, with some Freebirds set to open outside the state in 2011.

Quttinirpaaq National Park is a Canadian national park. Located on the northeastern corner of Ellesmere Island in the Qikiqtaaluk Region of Nunavut, the most northerly extent of Canada, it is the second most northerly park on Earth after Northeast Greenland National Park. In Inuktitut, Quttinirpaaq means "top of the world". The land is dominated by rock and ice. It is a polar desert with very little annual precipitation and much of the highlands of the park are covered in ice caps allowing visitors to enjoy an icy canoe trip through its ice carved canyons.

Look, Carlsberg beer is good, sure. But I don't know about being the best beer in the world.


Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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