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Ernie's House of Whoopass! May 1, 2014
May 1, 2014

Behold: America Summer Up In Four Short Words.

So I had a hard drive shit the bed yesterday morning. Well really I shouldn't say that since it'd been giving subtle warning signs for the last week or so; it'd take upwards of 15-20 seconds to recond to a disk request, with the HDD light stuck on solid the entire time. I was thinking either file system corruption, bad spots on the drive, or a pending total drive failure. Scandisk with surface scan didn't find any problems, so I knew where this train was headed, I just didn't know exactly when it would be pulling into the station. Surprise motherfucker, it was yesterday morning. No worries about data loss since I've learned to keep all of my actual data backed up on two external USB drives, but a shitty system disk meant I couldn't even limp along to get anything done since the simple task of opening the browser took 45-60 seconds while the drive read-re-read-and-re-re-read. So fuck it, I called an audible and headed out to the local nerd store -- in this case Tiger Direct -- and picked up a new Seagate 2TB drive for $79 to replace the piece of shit Hitachi one that died. Unfortunately I haven't run a system image since I first bought the PC two years ago, so I had to sit through one metric ass ton of "Windows is installing critical update 1 of 593,660,124,991..." I got everything back up and dancing late yesterday afternoon, but didn't feel like doing dick all at that time, sorry. If I had I'd have given you a heads up about Rihanna's topless photos which have since been pulled from her Instagram account, but fret no longer for they are still available on her Twitter account. You're welcome.

Herbal Essences' Smooth and Shine shampoo will take you deeper into a world of botanical bliss with our silicone-free Shine collection shampoo. Infused with chamomile, aloe vera and passion flower extracts, Shine and Shine shampoo cleans to reveal natural shine and leaves hair luminous. So suds up, breathe in and go back to that amazing hair day.

And by now everyone has heard that Donald Sterling was banned for life from the NBA, over racist comments he made to his girlfriend. Or I dunno, maybe you haven't? Which may be good for him, too, because a new Donald Sterling tape just surfaced.

With all those waves crashing around, I really don't think that's a safe place to put your necklace while you go for a swim.

That taxi sign means Emergency Exit … and it's Russian. Keith

Every swinging dick and their grandmother is on Facebook these days, making it one of the largest sites on the internet. But for scale, did you know 2,460,000 posts are shared every minute?

Dimmers are devices used to vary the brightness of a light. By changing the voltage waveform applied to the lamp, it is possible to vary the intensity of the light output. Although variable-voltage devices are used for various purposes, the term dimmer is generally reserved for those intended to control light output from resistive incandescent, halogen, and compact fluorescent lights and light-emitting diodes. Most modern dimmer switches are built from silicon-controlled rectifiers instead of variable resistors, because they have higher efficiency.

Holy shit: Surefire's 60 round all steel magazines are down to $63 with free shipping. Goddamn.

Attention nerds: worried about Han Solo's progeny? Think Bryan Burk sucks cock? Here are 5 Star Wars VII announcement Easter eggs that you missed.

Hi Ernie, An escharotomy is a surgical procedure used to treat full thickness (third-degree) circumferential burns. An escharotomy is performed by making an incision through the eschar (burnt skin) to expose the fatty tissue below. Due to the residual pressure, the incision will often widen substantially. In other words, the skin is so tight after getting fried that they have to cut it to relieve pressure on the organs. It still looks like it sucks! Just give me a "Band of Brothers" morphine dose and say goodbye! Cheers, Charley

The Guitar Hero series is a series of music rhythm games first published in 2005 by RedOctane and Harmonix, and distributed by Activision, in which players use a guitar-shaped game controller to simulate playing lead, bass guitar, and rhythm guitar across numerous rock music songs. Players match notes that scroll on-screen to colored fret buttons on the controller, strumming the controller in time to the music in order to score points, and keep the virtual audience excited. The series initially used mostly cover version of songs created by WaveGroup Sound, but most recent titles feature soundtracks that are fully master recordings, and in some cases, special re-recordings, of the songs.

I wasn't sure to put this down under the BRASSBALLS thumbnail or not: video from a live manned trial of the self righting Interceptor 48 Safehaven Marine search and rescue boat. Also? Fuck that noise.

Who the hell is Pitsche who wears jersey #67 and what the heell sport does he play?

chuck fucking norris granny's advice for america

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