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Ernie's House of Whoopass! May 13, 2014
May 13, 2014

Oh What, Like You've Never Had Eight Cups Of Coffee And Driven Home From The Bar At 10AM?

Yesterday I asked how your Mother's Day breakfast was, but I didn't ask what you did to deserve it. Well, what did you do?

If you're looking for a tan and want to go outside into the great outdoors, Indianapolis based Australian Gold is the largest, most recognized brand of indoor tanning lotions in the world. They offer a significant line of SPF products that are sold throughout the United States, Canada and Europe. Established in 1985, the Australian Gold brand is sold in over 50 countries and is universally recognized by "Sydney", the mascot koala bear, riding the waves on a golden, brown surfboard that epitomizes the beach, sun and fun philosophy on which the brand was founded.

But if you're looking for a tan and prefer to stay inside, St. Tropez's enriched, nourishing body moisturiser provides long lasting hydration and a touch of self tan for natural looking radiance. Infused with soothing aloe vera, this lotion will help give you smoother skin while building a gradual golden tan, every day. The innovative Aromaguard fragrance technology eliminates the tell-tale self tan aroma by a minimum of 70%. Simply massage St. Tropez's tanning moisturizer into your skin for a gradual tan.

Dude, I'm all for trolling. I really am. Greatest pastime ever. But why would you troll a profesional boxer -- in this case, WBC Continental Americas Heavyweight Champion Deontay Wilder. And why would you troll a profesional boxer and threaten his disabled daughter? And why would you troll a profesional boxer and threaten his disabled daughter and then challenge him to a boxing match? Because that shit is not going to end well, son.

Greetings almighty Ernie, I can finally try and contribute something! I believe what her towel reads is United Colors of Benetton. Or, if you are a Futurama fan it would be the Loosely Confederated Colors of Benetton. Love, Matt

First off, Bluestone -- (a) where the hell is it and (b) is it a store or a restaurant?

Add one children's coloring book and one skillful artist with a macabe sense of Rob Zombie'esque humor and you get these 24 pictures.

Following the 2011 Tohoku earthquake and tsunami, Korea Autoglass Corporation (KAC) delivered five billion won to the Community Chest of Korea at KCC's head office, with KCC CEO Chung Mong-ik, KAC CEO Joo won-sik and Vice CEO Hideyuki Ohikashi in attendance. KAC, which produces safety glass for automobiles in cooperation with the Asahi Glass Company of Japan, donated the money towards Japan's swift recovery from the earthquake that caused the huge loss both of life and property. KAC said, “We offer words of consolation to Japan in this time of high losses of human life and property due to the massive earthquake.” KAC added, “Hopefully, our company's donation will touch off donation campaigns to help Japan recover from the disaster.”

Before I bust your shit let's get one thing clear: anyone who participates in the #BRINGBACKOURGIRLS hashtag campaign, is an asshole. I don't care which side of the political spectrum you're on, you're still an asshole.

Those headphones look like these Sony am/fm headphones, and she looks like she just came from the Buffet City If I read the sign in the background right. Rick

And second, what's this about Para De La monica and something about the Flamenco (dance)?

Generally I'm not one for buying something because I "saw it in a movie" and thayt holds especially true when it comes to firearms. Remember when a friend of mine asked about what his first handgun should be and I went on this long disertation about how not all guns are created equal and find the right gun for you and try before you buy and here are some good places to start... only to have him buy an FNH FNX-9. Not because it's a great weapon (it is), not because he did any research on it (he didn't), but because that's what they used in Stargate SG1. No shit. Well, if you're a Para Ordnance 1911 fan, they've got a great deal on their Para Ordnance 1911 45acp 5" Blued Expert; less than $400 bucks after mail in rebate.

Calvin and Hobbes is a daily comic strip that was written and illustrated by American cartoonist Bill Watterson, and syndicated from November 18, 1985, to December 31, 1995. It follows the humorous antics of Calvin, a precocious, mischievous, and adventurous six-year-old boy, and Hobbes, his sardonic stuffed tiger. At the height of its popularity, Calvin and Hobbes was featured in over 2,400 newspapers worldwide; as of January 2010, reruns of the strip still appear in more than 50 countries.

Southwest Airlines flight attendant Martha Cobb pulled out a string of anal beads airline jokes for the opening announcments to keep passengers' attention.

a doctor explains why getting kicked in the balls hurts so damn much

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite So My Dad Is Visiting Fo...

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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