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Ernie's House of Whoopass! May 19, 2014
May 19, 2014

Good God, I Hate FluorescentGreen Zombie Furniture.

Ladies. While yes, most men appreciate a nice toned, athletic body, I'm just not sure this is the message you want to send to a potential suitor.

Anyway, last week a North Carolina homeowner Jonathan Haith was sleeping in his bedroom Tuesday morning when he woke up to the sound of a light knock at his door. Thinking it was a door-to-door solicitor, he initially ignored the knocking which went on for a solid fifteen minutes, but grew concerned when it was followed by a loud thud. He quickly realized someone had kicked in his door and was inside his house. Haith grabbed his AR-15 rifle from underneath his bed and prepared to confront the intruder. In the hallway, he encountered the home invader who was crouched in a shooting stance and fired once. The 9mm bullet missed Haith and lodged in the wall behind him. Haith returned fire and hit his mark; the bullet went through 23-year-old Gregory Johnson's shoulder and lodged in the opposite wall. Pandemonium followed, and Johnson scurried out. An apparent getaway vehicle spun out of Haith's yard to pick up Johnson, who had collapsed outside of a day care up the street. Responding to a friend who suggested that he should have fired 30 rounds to protect himself, Haith wrote that he “only needed one well placed," because, "The cost of ammo is too high.

Lionsdale of London is a boxing, mixed martial arts and clothing brand that was founded in London, England in 1960. Ex-boxer Bernard Hart started the brand as a boxing equipment company, but it eventually branched out into clothing as well. The company is named after Hugh Cecil Lowther, 5th Earl of Lonsdale, who in 1891 set up the first organised boxing matches with gloves, following the deaths of three boxers in bare knuckle fights. It is now owned by Sports Direct.

Red hair occurs naturally on approximately 1–2% of the human population. It occurs more frequently (2–6%) in people of northern or western European ancestry, and less frequently in other populations. Red hair appears in people with two copies of a recessive gene on chromosome 16 which causes a mutation in the MC1R protein. Cultural reactions have varied from ridicule to admiration; many common stereotypes exist regarding redheads, and they are often portrayed as both sexy and fiery-tempered.

A sugar packet is a delivery method for one serving of sugar. Sugar packets are commonly supplied in restaurants, coffeehouses and tea houses in preference to sugar bowls or sugar dispensers for reasons of neatness, sanitation, spill control, and to some extent portion control. A typical sugar packet in the United States contains 2-4 grams of sugar, and because a gram of any carbohydrate contains 4 calories, a typical four gram sugar packet has 16 calories.

I don't know for sure what makes women (and occasionally men) expose their private parts at professional sporting events. I mean, I guess it's got to be some combination of desire for attention and alcohol, but even still, there are less-humiliating ways to get 15 minutes of fame. You could run naked out onto the field, for example. Your mom and dad would probably still be pretty disappointed, and you certainly would have some legal issues as a result. But at least the whole internet wouldn't be ogling you, and that seems like a pretty big plus.

Hey Ernie! The tattoo on the girl with the beautiful blue hair and sexy collar around her neck might be part of a lyric from the group Molotov Solution's song Enslaved. The riff is “Through fear there is no salvation.” Keep up the good work! -Kurt

Hey Ernie, I took a bit of a hiatus from trying to solve your pic queries but since I had some time after work today I decided to give this one a shot. Thanks to Google Image search I was able to find her Tumblr account. The girl in the photo goes by 3 different internet pseudonyms. On Tumblr she is know as "Reaper" with the name "xgodhatesyoux" also attached to the account. I don't use Tumblr so maybe one is her name and one is her account name. She posted on Tumblr that she is called "Alice_blue" on I tried to get better pics from there but most of her pics are password protected. It looks like we have a match. Enjoy the weekend, Johnny

Okay, more help with a cyclic alphabet tattoo; biahrih dormx?

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban is the third novel in the Harry Potter series, written by J. K. Rowling. The book follows Harry, a young wizard, in his third year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Along with friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, Harry investigates Sirius Black, an escaped prisoner from Azkaban whom they believe is one of Lord Voldemort's old allies. Rowling found the book easy to write, finishing it just a year after she had begun writing it. The book sold 68,000 copies in just three days after its release in the United Kingdom, and since has sold over three million in the country.

This amazing HD video clip is an HD transfer from the original 16mm footage from Camera E-8, located on the launch umbilical tower/mobile launch program of Apollo 11, July 16, 1969. The camera is running at 500 fps, making this 8 minute NASA narrated clip represent just 30 seconds of actual time.

Folsom State Prison is a California State Prison located in the city of Folsom, California, 20 mi northeast from the state capital of Sacramento. And according to the Sacramento County Sheriff's wikipedia entry, Scott Jones has been the sheriff ever since 2010, and I've looked up every person mentioned in this article, so I don't know who this guy is or what he was campaigning for.

You know it just hit me. Laid there through 15 minutes of solid knocking? The guy must be on some sort of drunk sleep cycle.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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