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Ernie's House of Whoopass! June 13, 2014
June 13, 2014

Sure, But Then What Am I Going To Do With The Other 57 Minutes?

Old and busted: The Oakland A's Yoenis Cespedes. The new hotness: The Red Sox's Jackie Bradley Jr.

In order to fully appreciate these homemade Sriracha Bacon Onion Rings, you really should understand the manufacturing process and what more importantly, the obstacles they've had to oversome in order to keep making their roostery goodness.

The common garter snake is an indigenous North American snake found widely across the continent. Most garter snakes have a pattern of yellow stripes on a brown or green background and their average length is about 22 inches. In summer, it is most active in the morning and late afternoon; in cooler seasons or climates, it restricts its activity to the warm afternoons. In warmer southern areas, the snake is active year-round; otherwise, it sleeps in common dens, sometimes in great numbers. On warm winter afternoons, some snakes have been observed emerging from their hibernacula to bask in the sun. The saliva of a garter snake may be toxic to amphibians and other small animals. For humans, a bite is not dangerous, though it may cause slight itching, burning, and/or swelling. Most garter snakes also secrete a foul-smelling fluid from postanal glands when handled or harmed.

Okay, I'm actually rather proud of this one. if you follow a stright line from the top of the Paris Casino's Eiffel Tower, bring it across the very edge of the inner ring of the Bellario's largest water fountain, it ends up in this line of rooms at the Bellagio Hotel. And I'm pretty sure we'll all agree that's where this photo was taken, AMIRITE? Because a trip to the Bellagio sure beats, "I traveled all the way from Houston to Galveston to go surfing and all I got was this this shark bite on my shoulder."

This one is a bit more where you need to know about specific language idioms. It's Russian. The larger letters are the part in parenthesis you can only see the first few letters. Literal translation is "Honor (diploma)". It really means that they are certified (everybody recognizes them as) the honored one(s). The smaller letters - literally "advice and love" but it really means something more like "Peace and love" or "Be in agreement and always love" Keith

Ernie asked: what're you a fucking rosetta stone?!

Encryption/Decryption for the military. We would get signals that would sound like electronic static and we would have to try to figure out if there was a message in it, then once we determined that it wasn't random noise (which is what digital information sounds like these days), we would be tasked with figuring out what the message was saying. Since most of the exercises "in training" were (I think) staged, you get a feel for things coming through in urdu or chinese or any number of weird languages. You might also get a series of numbers and you would have to think if this looks like coordinates or directions or flight plans or any number of things. I was pretty good at it. Only twice I thought there was a signal there and couldn't figure it out. That was coincidentally back during the time of the Lybian conflict. Sometimes I still wonder if there was something there, and wonder if it was real, and wonder if I could have saved lives if I had figured it out. It's probably just some delusions of grandeur on my part. Keith

Thanks to Google Translate I know that 'sycylijska' is Polish for 'Sicilian' and 'kanapka' is 'sandwich' so I'm pretty confident this wrapper reads Sicilian Sandwich, although I've searched McDonalds both in Poland and worldwide and have yet to find any Sicilian offerings on the menu. But like McDonalds anywhere else, there is no tipping for counter employees. Unless you know, you find a clever way to play a game of just the tip.

The Wellness Plus card is Rite Aid's shopping rewards card that started nationwide on April 18, 2010. Membership is free, and benefits include free health and wellness benefits as well as shopping and prescription drug discounts and special prices. Earlier, in March 2005, Rite Aid had introduced Living More, a seniors' loyalty program which offered similar discounts and benefits. This program was very similar to the former Revco program which was called "Senior Shoppers" (Rite Aid had attempted to purchase Revco in 1996). The Living More program was being discontinued as of October 31, 2010, having been essentially superseded by the Wellness Plus card. However, the Wellness+ plus card now allows seniors to upgrade to the Wellness 65+ card, basically reintroducing the previous Living More benefits along with the newly created Wellness card.

Green laser pointers appeared on the market circa 2000, and are the most common type of DPSS lasers (also called DPSSFD for "diode pumped solid state frequency-doubled"). They are more complicated than standard red laser pointers, because laser diodes are not commonly available in this wavelength range. The green light is generated in an indirect process, beginning with a high-power infrared AlGaAs laser diode operating at 808 nm. The 808 nm light pumps a crystal of neodymium-doped yttrium aluminum vanadate, which lases deeper in the infrared at 1064 nm. This lasing action is due to an electronic transition in the fluorescent neodymium ion, Nd(III), which is present in all of these crystals.

Ernie, Didn't notice this one on the questionable entries website when it comes to the school shootings. Here is the article about the shooting that happened on the Marquette University campus. It was an armed robbery at 2:30 in the morning. For those that aren't aware of it, the campus is basically right in the middle of downtown Milwaukee. The UW-Oshkosh shooting happened at a Black Student Union-sponsored dance. While police were there, they say someone fired a handgun into the ceiling. No one was hurt. T.J.

And that my friend, is the sweet smell of vindication.

The Saint James Church massacre happened in Kenilworth, Cape Town in July of 1993, by four cadres of the Azanian People's Liberation Army. The attack occurred during the Sunday evening service and was carried out by Sichumiso Nonxuba, Bassie Mkhumbuzi, Gcinikhaya Makoma and Tobela Mlambisa, who approached the church in a stolen vehicle. Nonxuba, who commanded the unit, and Makoma entered the church armed with M26 hand grenades and R4 assault rifles. The two threw the grenades and then opened fire on the congregation, killing 11 and wounding 58. One member of the congregation, Charl van Wyk, returned fire with a .38 special revolver, wounding one of the attackers who then fled the church. Mkhumbuzi had been ordered to throw four petrol bombs into the church following the shooting, but abandoned this intention as all four fled in the vehicle. In 1998 the attackers were granted amnesty for their participation by the Truth and Reconciliation Commission. Meanwhile in Australia, the Utopia of gun control where gun crime doesn't happen anymore, here's video of an armed robbery at a McDonalds using a gun that doesn't exist.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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