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Ernie's House of Whoopass! July 15, 2014
July 15, 2014

All Hail #2, Derek Jeter. Yeah, That's Right, I Said It.

I hate the New York Yankees as much as any other red Sox fan, but there is one pinstripe wearing son-of-a-bitch that I've always respected. Derek Jeter. The Yanks drafted him, farmed him up from college and from the minute he put on the pinstripes he's had a huge impact in every game he's played in. He's one of the most talented players to ever play for one of the most successful teams in baseball history. Always a great player, always giving 100%, and win or lose always gracious. He's been loyal, he's never flirted with free agency for a better paycheck, and now he's showing the utmost in class by retiring at a point where he acknowledges his best years are behind him. You know, instead being selfish and riding the nostalgia wave for, "just one more season." Yes, Brett Favre, I'm looking at you. And to top it all off, his little black book is the Who's Who of the hottest ladies in Hollywood. The guy really does have a charmed life and seems genuinely grateful for it. I gots nothing but re2pect for #2, and I hope he puts on a truly remarkable performance in his last All-Star Game. I think the only bad thing I can say about the guy is he didn't play for Boston. ... ... ... Now go home and get your fucking shinebox!

Clams have open circulatory systems, which means that their organs are surrounded by watery blood that contains nutrients and oxygen. They feed on plankton by filter feeding. Clams filter feed by drawing in water containing food using an incurrent siphon. Clams begin as a shellfish the size of a grain of sand when born. It has a natural glue on it that causes it to connect to other shells or things at the bottom of the river. Once a clam is secure, it feeds on the plankton, as stated, and moves with the tide. A clam's shell consists of two equal halves, which are connected by a hinge joint and a ligament which can be external or internal. Two adductor muscles contract to close the shells.

Ever since the first "Star Wars" movie was released in 1977, this franchise has been a collectibles juggernaut. From action figures to board games, "Star Wars" images have found their way onto an endless number of everyday items and movie memorabilia. Indeed, it is difficult to come up with an object that hasn't become a "Star Wars" collectible.

Hi Ernie. I was not able to find the exact location but I found this NSFW video that looks like it was shot at the same lake, that number is just a boat number, but I did get a phone number from the video of one of the other boats Forever Resort 1-800-255-5561 It could be Party cove on Lake of the Ozarks. Rick

Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, staying indoors and watching TV won't prevent you from tasting food that's been freshly grilled. It can't compare in terms of flavor to authentic outdoor grilling, of course, but it will do in a pinch. And here are nine of the best indoor grills for just such an occasion.

Garden State is a 2004 comedy-drama film written and directed by Zach Braff and starring Natalie Portman, Peter Sarsgaard, Ian Holm and Braff himself. The film centers on Andrew Largeman, a 26-year-old actor/waiter who returns to his hometown in New Jersey after his mother dies. Braff based the film on his real life experiences. It was filmed in April and May 2003 and released on July 28, 2004. New Jersey was the main setting and primary shooting location. Garden State was well received and has garnered a cult following in New Jersey. The film also spawned a soundtrack for which Braff, who picked the music himself, won a Grammy award.

We all know Honey Badgers don't give a shit, but did you know Honey Badgers are smarter than a motherfucker, too? Also: this is why we shouldn't cage animals inside impossibly small pens.

The absolutely, dumbest article in the history of the world. This article goes so far beyond stupid that I have to wonder what elementary school for the retarded the author attends. Jon

Gun control/deaths info that surprised me: More people die of suicide in the US than homicide. It's over double! Although most of these suicides are by firearms, firearm control does not reduce suicide rates: Link to direct study in Australia, and link to study that showed Canada's “regulating the acquisition of firearms had little perceptible impact on crime, suicides, and accidental deaths” We hear so much about homicide. Why do we hear so little about suicide prevention? Keith

Honestly Keith, it's because suicide isn't sexy. Suicide doesn't sell agendas. Suicide isn't a markatable narrative. If we look back at 2012 and I told you there were only 8,829 firearm homicides that year, so 26 less than the 8,855 reported, would anyone really give a shit? Or for that matter, what if there were 26 more? I mean really, it would only be a 0.204% decrease in the number of murders. Statistically insignificant, right? But make those 26 people the victims at Sandy Hook, and let the media -- and ahem the current Administration -- turn it into a three ringed circus for political gain, and suddenly those 26 people are more valuable than all of the 38,364 people who took their own lives (Sorry, no FBI data on suicide). Anyone with a tea-spoon full of shit in their heads will realize suicide is a complex and multi-faceted issue, and should not be lumped into the discussion about the Bill of Rights or the Second Amendment. For those genuinely concerned about suicide, there are lots of moral and legal things to be explored, but I don't believe the method of suicide should be a part of that discussion. People who commit suicide, exactly like criminals, will use what ever tool is most convenient. Instead, there are those who will choose to ignore this simply because the "gun violence epidemic" sells better than the truth.

  2008 2009 2010 2011 2012
# Firearm related homicides 9,528 9,199 8,874 8,653 8,855
US Population in millions 304.09 306.77 309.35 311.59 313.91
# Firearm related homicides/100k 3.13 3.00 2.87 2.78 2.82

“I have a tattoo of the grim reaper, my hair is sticking up all crazy and I'm naked. I'm not sure if the burglar was more afraid of me or the gun.” And HEY TOM, remember when I was explaining how to factor shipping costs into your ammo purchases? Well JACKPOT -- Sportsmans Guide and Brownells both have free shipping coupons to take advantage of. You're welcome.

Bros are obnoxious partying males who are often seen at college parties. When they aren't making an ass of themselves they usually just stand around holding a red plastic cup waiting for something exciting to happen so they can scream something that demonstrates how much they enjoy partying. Nearly everyone in a fraternity is a bro but there are also many bros who are not in a fraternity. They often wear a rugby shirt and a baseball cap. It is not uncommon for them to have spiked hair with frosted tips. Bros actually chose this name for themselves as they often refer to each other as "bro" even though they are not related.

bullitt, smokey and the bandit, death proof... the top 10 greatest car movies in history

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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