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Ernie's House of Whoopass! August 4, 2014
August 4, 2014

Uhhh.. Yeah, Gimme A Sec... I'm Coming Up With 32.33 Uh, Repeating Of Course, Percentage, Of Survival..

It was almost ten years ago today that I dove headfirst into the newly released Doom 3. And I took that shit seriously, too. I even went out and bought a new computer and a set of Logitech surround sound speakers to completely immerse myself in the new Doom experience. And for the next weeks, with a heavy blanket thrown over the window to completely black out the room, that's exactly what I did.

But truth be told, after the shininess wore off, the game as a whole left me feeling a little underwhelmed. Yes, the new graphics engine was fantastic: moving light sources caused shadows to shift, and objects bounced and rolled in real life fashion. But these enhancements were made at the expense of gameplay. Look, if I open a door and see four imps staring back at me, I don't want to have to retreat to a more tactical position, creeping from shadow to shadow until I can dispatch my enemies with a few well placed shots. Look I don't mind some trickery and mental exercises, but I'm a fucking Space Marine, motherfucker! I want to kick that fucking door open Leeroy Jenkins style and start wrecking some imps with my pump action shotgun. As testament to such, I have completed the original Doom and Doom II probably two dozen times each. Whereas a full decade later, Doom 3 still sits unfinished. At some point -- and I don't even remember when or where -- I just reached a point where I said, "Meh." In fact as I think about it, I don't even know where the fucking CDs are anymore.

So when Doom 4 was announced at QuakeCon last week, I was both excited and apprehensive all at the same time. Evidently there was a big 20 minute preview of gameplay and so far everyone seems to be quite happy with it. In fact some people say it blew their fucking mind. A professional game reviewer was tweeting live from the gameplay demo and I found what he had to say rather encouraging: "It's about fast fast combat and blood and gore and gibs." and "'Its not about taking cover and letting your health regenerate' thank fuck." So I dunno. Do I allow myself to be optimistic about this? has anyone seen the gameplay footage? Does anyone know if its available for viewing online?

And evidently I'm not the only person to get upset over some of the last minute trade deals the Red Sox did last week. While I have the utmost respect for Cespedes' cannon of an arm, I can't imagine any world in which he is worth both Jon Lester and Jonny Gomes. This was a bad trade, in my book. I wish you assholes in the front office would remove the Cadillacs from your eyes.

Constantine is a 2005 American supernatural action-thriller film directed by Francis Lawrence as his feature film directorial debut, starring Keanu Reeves as John Constantine, with Rachel Weisz, Tilda Swinton, and Djimon Hounsou. In a Los Angeles hotel room, Weisz, the female lead in both The Mummy and its sequel, The Mummy Returns, admits she was a little frightened when she saw that a scene for the movie Constantine called for her to struggle to keep from being drowned in a bathtub. "Keanu is strong, and the director wanted it to be real. We did it once and Keanu was going easy on me and the director said, 'I want you to hold her down.' I had a signal, something like tapping on the arm three times, but in the midst of thrashing about it was difficult for Keanu to know what was the signal and what was a thrash. So there were moments when I was not acting. I was just trying to get out of the bath. It just became frightening. I swallowed tons of water." I'm pretty sure this picture was taken right after that drowning scene.

I'm probably late on this, but here goes anyway. I found another photo set for this person here. One picture in the set shows this is Restaurante La Barraca which is located on google maps as Restaurante La Barraca Cantarrijan, La Herradura, Spain. Notice the same outfit, umbrellas and wicker chairs in this photo. This is a beach restaurant and doesn't have continuous street view, but I found one view that would be as though you are standing directly UNDER the sign in the picture above. Note the same weird looking trees, the walkway covered in green now, and the weird bushes. Turning around you see the engraved stone(?) saying Restaurante Barraca. Inside you see another Son Del Caribe advertisement. You also see a Carte D'or ice cream counter. Keith

Hey Ernie, The Spanish restaurant the girl from Friday is in is the "Restaurante de Barraca" in Granada, Spain. Here's a pic of her before she entered the restaurant, as well as a link to a photo album of her trip (NSFW). Cheers, Brad

The Incredibles is a 2004 American computer-animated comedy superhero film written and directed by Brad Bird and released by Walt Disney Pictures. It was the sixth film produced by Pixar Animation Studios. The film's title is the name of a family of superheroes who are forced to hide their powers and live a quiet suburban life. Mr. Incredible's desire to help people draws the entire family into a battle with an evil villain and his killer robot. Holly Hunter provides the voice for Helen Parr / Elastigirl, Bob's wife, who possesses the ability to stretch her body like rubber.

There are two main thoroughfares that traverse the long North/South trek that is Florida: I-75 along the western coast and I-95 along its eastern one. Each year I always let my mind wander a little bit about what would happen not if a major hurricane strikes Cape Coral, but if it struck further north and in some cataclysmic freak show, knocked out a couple of the bridges that create these I-75/I-95 corridors. And for those few weeks it would take for FEMA to secure other routes, or establish any meaningful reaction plan, we on the southern tip of this penis shapes state would be on our own for the most part. So while it looks like Big Bertha is going to stay comfortably out to sea, this is always the time of year when I start to make Shit-Hit-The-Fan preparations. This weekend I filled five 5-gallon gas cans -- I'm always a little uneasy keeping those in the garage -- cleaned out and restocked the freezer and food pantry, then oiled all of the anchor screws to the hurricane shutters. And I always make the same decision in regards to what's coming with meat the ready, should we need to bail out of Casa'del'Ernie and escape a major hurricane: his and hers Beretta 92FS's and Beretta CX4's. This way I only have to worry about grabbing one caliber ammunition and the same 30-round magazine works in all four firearms. After shipping and taxes and FFL fees, I paid around $750 for each of those CX4's, and each 30 round mag costs an additional $40. So when I point out how you can buy a CX4 in 9mm for $575 shipped -- and that INCLUDES one 30 round mag that I had to buy outright -- you can understand what direction I'm pushing you in. Yes, it might look a little space agey -- it was designed by supercar designed Giorgetto Giugiaro -- but I've shot the living shit out of mine, feeding it both steel and brass cased ammo, and it's never once had so much as a hiccup.

At 7.25" long, 3.75" wide and 5.5" high, this Return Of The Jedi Domed Lunchbox battled the Rancor, escaped the Sarlacc pit, hung out with some Ewoks, and got zapped by the Emperor. After all of that though, the tin Return Of The Jedi Domed Lunchbox wished to retire to a life of leisure and simplicity. Now the Return Of The Jedi Domed Lunchbox spends its time keeping your food safe and making you look exceptionally good! The icing on the cake is the original image for the poster of Return of the Jedi on the side! So much goodness in one spot!

Hey Hi Ernie, been reading/following you for a long time, but not from the stick figure days, I found EHOWA a bit later than that, but still look forward to every update. My best score at 3 Slices 2 is attached. (Yes I know I edited the screen cap, but only because I didn't want to send you the stuff on my second screen, the content is NOT edited, only cropped.) I'm not likely to be the best, but I do think I did pretty good @ 1619%. Michael

Well, can anyone else do any better at 3 Slice 2?

Ursus Breweries is one of the top brewers in Romania. The company is based in Bucharest and owns 4 breweries in Cluj-Napoca, Timi?oara, Buzau and Bra?ov, employing over 1,700 people. Ursus Breweries' brands are: Ursus, Timisoreana -- he Timisoreana brewery was built in 1718, Ciucas, Azuga, Stejar, Redd's, Peroni Nastro Azzurro, Pilsner Urquell and Miller. Ursus is one of the best-selling beers in Romania. The beer is advertised under the slogan Regele berii în România ("The King of Beers in Romania").

Wine and cheese are two of life's great culinary pleasures, and finding the perfect match can be a delicious endeavor. As with any wine and food pairing, there are a number of considerations, such as texture, acidity, fat and tannin. For instance, if you want to serve a creamy, light and fresh cheese look to pair it with a crisp, vibrant wine. If you enjoy hard cheeses look to pair it with bold, red wines. Classic pairings include Cabernet Sauvignon with Parmigiano Reggiano, and Sauvignon Blanc with goat cheeses.

25 rare oddities that'll show you how frighteningly little you knew about earth


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