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Insert Your Favorite Labor Day Joke Here.

A Real Man Loves His Woman Every Day Of The Month.

These days people will forget about any type of social norms or dignity just to immortalize a moment they consider to be unique. But what's even worse than that is that some people will take a selfie at the most inappropriate time just so they will have something interesting to post on Facebook. Sure, some of these people could be appreciated for their bravery, but one can only appreciate so much when faced with one of the uttermost acts of stupidity of our age, the selfie. #8 has a wide stance.

So, Does Anyone Know The Tensile Strength of Polyester?

Well, Derek Jeter is down to less than four weeks left in his baseball career, presuming of course the 9.5-games-back Yanks don't make the wild card playoffs. Jeter's last game in pinstripes will be against the first place Orioles, and then the man who has been the team's anchor for the last 17 years will end his regular seaon career with 3 games in Boston. I'm sure the Sox will usher him off in style, so in what will probably be one of a handful of tributes, let's tip our hat to Derek Jeter's 10 greatest moments and 9 hottest girlfriends.

Speaking Of To-Do-Lists.

On 4 September 2006, Steve Irwin was killed at the age of 44 while snorkelling at part of the Great Barrier Reef near Port Douglas, Queensland. He was in the area filming a documentary, Ocean's Deadliest, and during a period of bad weather, he decided to film some shallow water shots for his daughter Bindi's television programme. Irwin approached a stingray allegedly 8 ft wide in chest-deep water from behind in order to film it swimming away. According to the only witness to the attack, the fish reacted to Irwin as if a shark was attacking, striking him several hundred times in the body with its tail spine in a few seconds. Irwin initially believed he only had a punctured lung but the spine had pierced his heart and he bled out. The ray's behavior appeared to have been a defensive response to being boxed in. Crew members aboard Irwin's boat administered CPR and rushed him to shore, but medical staff pronounced him dead at the scene. Irwin's death is believed to be the only fatality from a stingray ever captured on video.

Not My Favorite Comedienne, But Certainly The Passing Of An Icon.

Deny it all you want, but the Celebrity Rule of Threes is real, and it's happening again. First there was Robin Williams who died on August 11th, followed the nest day by Lauren Bacall. Then noty even two weeks passed before the lose of the Big X, Richard Attenborough, on August 24th. Now we're into September and you'd think it was Joan Rivers who started a new string of famous celebrity deaths, but you'd bw wrong; it was Survivor's Jimi Jamison (think Burning Heart in Rocky IV) who died of a heart attack on September 1st. So we've got one more to go.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Am I The Only Person Pissed Off Those Assholes Hijacked The ISIS Acronym?

Cards Against Humanity is a multiplayer party game available in published hardcopy via purchase and as a free download that players can print off to create their own. Its title references the phrase "crimes against humanity", reflecting its politically incorrect content while its tagline serves as a basic overview of Cards Against Humanity due to the game's mature content and dark comedy-like results. So masturbating grandmas aside, here are some of the best ones to turn up.

Given All The Straight Lines, is That Duct Tape?

The Madagascar Dragon Tree is a very hardy, hard to kill indoor plant. The less you love it, the more it thrives – you can't say that about many things in life! Like the rest of the Dracaena varieties grown indoors the Dragon Tree does have a few drawbacks, but when compared side by side the Marginata remains slender and looks good even when quite tall, it can also support itself without any help from you. Arguably the easiest to look after and perhaps the most popular today. Starting to live in our homes in the 1960's, the Dragon Tree cleans the air and is especially adapt at filtering out xylene and trichloroethylene it also comes in four main varieties and cultivars.

Wind Mitigarion Inspection? More Like Wind Wallet Colonoscopy.

So one fucking that that's really shitty down here in Florida is the homeowners insurance market racket. Since insurers only want to take your money but never pay it out, they never want to assume anything even close to a risk. For the last nine years, casa'del'Ernie has been insured through Liberty Mutual to the tune of $1,900 per year. And just this week I get a notice they're non-renewing my policy. Keep in mind no claims against the policy and we haven't had a hurricane since 2005, this is just a fuck you we're not insuring Florida anymore. Many of the big nationwide companies such as Allstate, State Farm, USAA, Nationwide, have all done the same. They're about as fucking honest in their, "Oh We're Here For You," bullshit advertising as McDonalds is with their fucking burgers. So with a new insurance policy comes a new wind mitigation inspection, which means some dude crawling around in your roof looking to make sure the builder used 8D nails and not 6D nails, to see how many roof straps holy the roof trusses on, check out all of your hurricane shutters, that sort of shit. In short, to renew my homeowners went from $1,900 with Liberty Mutual to $2,600 through Ed's Brand Quality Insurance. So let me assure you kids, growing up is not what it's cracked up to be. The worst fucking part? I didn't have any cash on hand to flip the kid who spend 30 minutes sweating his ass off up in my roof, so I asked him if he shoots. He does. What caliber? I shoot .40 Smith & Wesson. Who the fuck shoots that? How about 9mm? Nope, I shoot .40 Smith & Wesson. How about .22? Yeah, I've got a .22 rifle I plink with. So instead of $10-$15 in cash, I'm forced to flip the kid a brick of 500 22's, which currently retail for than the mortgage on my house. This is BULLSHIT.

If Only I Could Have Gotten Richard Kiel on ErnieCam.

So in April of this year, I upgraded from my old HTC Rezound to the new Samsung 5S. I love my new phone, but there are just a few quirks I can't seem to find a good workaround for, one of which is getting the MicroSD card to mount as a drive volume when the phone is plugged into my computer via USB port. See back in the days of my HTC REzound, when plugged ye olde phone into the computer, the MicroSD card mounted as a drive letter. As such, it was accessible from the command prompt for file manipulation. This new phone mounts as a device (Samsung-SM-G900V) instead of a drive letter, so the Erniecam scripts can't "see" the MicroSD card to pull the photos from. Unfortunately, I don't think this is something I can change, because how the phone chooses to make its MicdoSD card accessible to the computer isn't up to my choosing, it's hard coded into Samsung's firmware.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Ah, The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same.

Sometime Saturday morning, this article came across my news feed as one of Facebook's recommended articles. Also, big fucking surprise Facebook, time to review your algorithm. So I'm sipping my morning cup of java and nursing a small hangover, and then we get the point that really frosts my ass, "The ‘responsible gun owner'- passenger decided that this was a good time to run away, apparently with gun in hand." Look, I can appreciate the fact that some people don't like guns. I can appreciate the fact that some people are even anti-gun. But why the incessant need for these people to use the tongue-in-cheek 'responsible gun owner' label? So in between sips of coffee I decided to do a little Facebook stalking and politely engage the author in a discussion over her choice of words. I was very polite, very non-confrontational, I didn't hit her with a barrage of brutally honest facts, or try to argue the merits of owning a firearm. I simply tried to explain the different between a responsible and irresponsible gun owner. And now I'm blocked.

If One Glass Of Red Wine Is Good For Your Heart, Two Must Be Better.

An automated pool cleaner is a vacuum cleaner intended to collect debris and sediment from swimming pools with minimal human intervention. In a suction-type pool cleaner, water pumped out of the pool via its skimmer or drains is used for locomotion and debris suction and returned after being filtered via pool return or outlet valves. This is the least expensive and most popular type. It traces a random course. This type of cleaner is usually attached via multiple segments of 1.5 inch hose to a vacuum plate in the skimmer, or to a dedicated extraction or "vac" line on the side of the pool. The suction action of the pool's pump provides motive force to the machine to randomly traverse the floor and walls of the pool, extracting dirt and debris in its path. The first automatic pool cleaner was a suction cleaner.

Happy Constitution Day!

For those of you unaware, Constitution Day is an American federal observance that recognizes the adoption of the United States Constitution and those who have become U.S. citizens. It is normally observed on September 17, the day the U.S. Constitutional Convention signed the Constitution in 1787 in Philadelphia.

Left Wheel. Blue.

Okay kids, serious business here, because I suspect shit is about go get real before this year comes to an end, and I think we're going to pay a toll soon over what shitty border security we have. So if you aren't taking at least some precautions or making minimal preparations, I think you're doing yourself a disservice. I think for the most part, we'll be able to lean on our gub'mint for the majority of it, but the harsh reality is we can't expect them to catch everything. Not that I think Southwest Florida is big on anyone's hit list, but for you poor fuckers in the larger metropolitan areas, I know I sound like a broken record about having some means to to defend yourself, I ain't just whistlin Dixie.

I Would Have Thought That With All The Rain Arizona Is Getting Lately, That Would Have Perked Up A Bit.

A couple of days ago I thumbnail linked a story about Salyut 7, which was a space station in low Earth orbit from April 1982 to February 1991. On 11 February 1985, contact with Salyut 7 was lost and the station began to drift, with all systems shut down. It was once again decided to attempt to repair the station, in what was in the words of author David S. F. Portree "one of the most impressive feats of in-space repairs in history." And when you watch this video of astronauts spotting cities from the International Space Station, you get a really good sense of just how fucking fast they're moving in relation to the ground.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Trust me, Kid. You'll Change Your Tune On That Soon Enough.

The HoMedics FB-300 Jetspa Elite Foot Spa envelopes your foot for a relaxing 2-in-1 massage experience that includes both rejuvenating water jets and a soothing bubble massage. Raised nodes give the bottom of your feet a relaxing and gentle massage. The spinning pedicure center comes with three attachments: pumice stone, cleansing brush and massage roller. Heat maintenance technology and toe-touch control makes getting the perfect massage easy, while the integrated splash guard prevents splashing and spills.

Now That I Have Your Attention, Let's Keep You Hooked.

What's the grosses fucking thing you can imagine? Could it be Hope Solo's (NSFW!) battered roast beef sandwich? Yeah, that Sarlaac pit looking thing isn't even half as gross as this whole chicken in a can. With delicious broth, I might add. The chicken, not the Sarlaac.

Well, You're Safe And Sound Now, Back In Good Old 1955.

SET WAYBACK MACHINE TO 1995: With three stripes on my sleeve, I was a Senior Airman and had stopped off to pick up my mail (373 Grenier Street, Box #330, thank you very much) before heading back to the dorms to knock back a few beers and relax for the evening. The exit from the post office led to a fork in the sidewalk, the left side heading to some parking spaces right in front of the one-story building, the right fork heading back towards the four dorms. I had barely made the split when I heard a male voice call out from behind me, "Airman." I had my nose buried in my mail and didn't think to look up; most of the people at the dorms knew me so I would have turned around for a, "Hey Ernie," or an, "Airman Stewart," or even, "hey asshole." But a plain jane "Airman?" Nah. My subconscious reassured me that obviously that was meant for someone else. So when a second call came out, "Excuse me, Airman!" -- this time with a little more authority -- it caught my attention and I looked over my shoulder because I wanted to see who was ignoring this guy. And as I turned my eyes fell upon a buck Sergeant (now a defunct rank) wearing short sleeve blues, with one foot still inside the post office doors, and the second firmly planted on the sidewalk outside. Oddly enough, he was looking directly at me. I gave an instinctive glance back over my shoulder towards the direction I was originally walking, to see what he was looking at. There was no one. I remember being so very puzzled. I didn't know this guy, why the fuck was he calling out to me? Did I drop something? I looked around ay my feet expecting to see a white envelope sopping up one of the small puddles that survives the afternoon's sunshower. Still nothing. I looked back up and we made eye contact, "Me?" I questioned, thumbing a forefinger into my own chest. "Yes," he replied, "you're out of uniform."

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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