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Ernie's House of Whoopass! October 16, 2014
October 16, 2014

I Needed My Morning Coffee Today More Than Usual.

So my morning started off with Ike poking his nose into the pantry, climbing up on some stuff and helping himself to a package of Oreos. I managed to stop him after only a couple and chased him out of the kitchen, tail between his legs. it wasn't until a few minutes later I noticed he vomited on the living room carpet. Twice. And as I was cleaning that up, he turns to face the door -- ass to me -- hunches up and shits himself. And then apparently exhausted, laid down in it. He's feelin' all right now, though. Even begged at breakfast. How's your morning going so far?

Also known as hyperopia, farsightedness occurs when your eye is too short in relation to the curvature of your cornea. In other words, if you are farsighted, your eye is shorter and flatter than it should be. Farsightedness is relatively common, affecting about one in four people. Usually, it's an inherited condition. Some people have very mild cases of farsightedness that may not even require corrective eyewear, and some patients have cases that are so severe they may need very thick glasses. If the condition is severe and left untreated, it can lead to other problems, such as amblyopia, commonly referred to as (lazy eye) or strabismus (crossed eyes). At first I was going to use a Mr. Magoo reference for that girl, but ultimately there are lots of people who look like cartoon characters.

JK Rowling has written to a teenager who found strength in the words of a Harry Potter film after her entire family were shot dead. Cassidy Stay, 15, from Texas, survived the attack by playing dead but her mother, father, two younger sisters and two younger brothers were all murdered by the gunman in the 9 July attack. In a moving speech she made at a memorial just days after the murders she quoted the fictional headmaster Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and telling mourners, "Happiness can be found even in the darkest times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." Of course Dumbledore was later killed by Voldemort, so take that advice with a grain of salt, I suppose.

This is the year of you. The year to go the distance. The year of anything's possible. It starts here with the Magnificent Mile Chicago Women's Half Marathon & 5K, which will be the first running event in history to include Chicago's iconic Magnificent Mile as the course centerpiece. The Magnificent Mile Chicago Women's Half Marathon is regarded as one of the premier half marathon events, with Runner's World naming it as one of the top 10 half marathons in the United States.

You were close, that model looks like the Eureka Easy Clean II Bagless Stick Upright Vacuum. Rick

Hmmm. So a second healthcare worker has been infected with Ebola, and did a little travelling before she was diagnosed? And they still don't know how she or the other nurse were infected? And the CDC is considering adding the names of all the healthcare workers who cared for Thomas Eric Duncan to the TSA no-fly list -- which for the record would be the first time why anyone would know why their name is on that list -- and yet we still haven't stopped flights from Liberia. Awesome. Maybe picking up some Ebola survival gear isn't so crazy after all? Shit it was probably six months ago when I was shitfaced one night, surfing Amazon and in a drunken haze, bought two of these Russian gas masks. Why? Because I was drunk and they were under $10 each, that's why. That was was a good enough reason for me. That deal has long since expired so now it looks like everyone else on my street is going to die, and I'll inherit the entire neighborhood. Bourbon and bacon shall be our food and drink, and I shall name it Ernieland, and I will need henchmen so speak up now. And if you live in Dallas, perhaps one of these Israeli gas masks wouldn't be a bad choice.

The free city-state of Hamburg was the first German state to establish diplomatic relations with Argentina in 1829, sending the first Germany ambassador to Argentina in May of 1871. Trade developed between Germany and Argentina as early as the German Unification. Later on, Argentina maintained a strong economic relationship with Germany and supported them with supplies during World War I. With the rise of Nazism in Germany, Nazi agents started active propaganda work among the ethnic Germans living in Argentina, with Nazi-organized meetings reportedly held as early as 1933. Argentina stayed neutral during the whole of World-War II, declaring war on Germany only just before its capitulation. To postwar Germans, Argentina was the most desirable destination for middle- and upper-class emigrants next to Switzerland.

Ernie, I can't identify this gun. Can you? It's an FN-Derivate??? Jim

Well, my initial image search brought me to several galleries like this, which didn't really give me any info. In fact, there were lots of second-hand sites hosted this gallery as well, including this Ukranian airsoft forum, but nothing on an actual source. I tried the Facebook page for SMGLee and looked through his photo albums, still no dice. At this point, I wasn't entirely sure it was a real weapon or some non-functioning stage prop. next I started searching through the Wikipedia entries for various weapons used by the US Navy Seals, and thought I hit paydirt with the FN-303, but it's not quite right. After some more snooping -- EUREKA! -- I stumbled across the Enhanced Grenade Laaunching Module for the FN-SCAR. You're welcome.

Photographer Kate Garner has released a new series of art prints featuring supermodel Kate Moss. The photographs are being released as a series of 20 unique canvas prints, utilizing such techniques as screen printing, glazing, diamond dust, painting, and more. The photo series is called “Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, See No Evil,” and may be almost as controversial as the original photographs. There's one hitch, though: The prints use the photos of Moss taken when she was only 16.

Old and busted: Navy F-18 Hornet performing a low level flight through some canyons in Northern California. The new hotness: RAF Typhoon performing a low level flight through the some canyons in west-central Wales.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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