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Ernie's House of Whoopass! December 9, 2014

We're Halfway Through Let's Bring Em Home 2014.

From California to Florida, this is Christmas season many military families will not forget. Surprise soldier homecomings can begin to look very similar but each one has its own story and emotion. one - two - three - four - and even if you're not a Blackhawks fan, five.

So for those of you lazy, inconsiderate, self-centered bastards who haven't been paying attention, here's an update on this year's LET'S BRING EM HOME campaign: we've crossed the $70k mark in donations and of the 111 applications we have received so far, we've completed 98 of them, leaving 12 awaiting funds. We'll open up the applications ONE MORE TIME this year, sometimes this coming Sunday. if you haven't donated so far, please condsider doing so, it just may restore some faith in your fellow man.

Alfredo Lunardi was born in Lucca, Italy and in 1950, at the age of 20, he left his native Italy to settle in the San Francisco bay area. By 1953, Alfredo acquired a local San Francisco market called "Mother's Market," located at 23rd and Irving Street. From that simple beginning, Alfredo, with help of his sons Ralph and Paul, eventually opened 8 Lunardi's Supermarket locations in the Bay area.

Jeffrey Dunham is an American ventriloquist, producer, and stand-up comedian who has also appeared on numerous television shows, including Late Show with David Letterman, Comedy Central Presents, The Tonight Show and Sonny With a Chance. As of November 2009, he has sold over four million DVDs, an additional $7 million in merchandise sales, and received more than 350 million hits on YouTube as of October 2009. His introduction of Achmed the Dead Terrorist in Spark of Insanity was ranked as the ninth most watched YouTube video at the time. Achmed is the skeletal corpse of an incompetent suicide bomber, whom Dunham uses to satirize the contemporary issue of terrorism. He is known for yelling, "Silence! I kill you!" to Dunham and people laughing in the audience.

According to Joseph Fauria, Brennan Clay isn't the only dude dealing with a woman who's cheating on him with an NFL star. The Detroit Lions' dancing tight end appears to have the same problem, as he took to Twitter to let everyone know that his current girlfriend -- and former WWE Diva -- the lovely Erika Hammond is cheating on him with Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson.

Enclosed is certainly a unique picture for your bemusement. I ask you to call on the power of Ernie to see if we can identify 1) Where this church is? 2) Where this porn shop is? and 3) Find out what the story is behind the story. Call this a "triple challenge" if you will. Larry

The church in question is the First Baptist Church of Woodlawn, Tennessee. I know that, because it says so on the side of the van. There are no adult toy stores in Woodlawn, however there are three in nearby Clarksville: it's not Jenna's or Cirilla's. So the porn shop in question is now called Miranda's, since back in the day it was called Southern Secrets with a matching red awning. As for what they were searching for? Well, like everyone else in Tennessee, they're probably searching for creampie porn. Scoop of chocolate, scoop of vanilla. DON'T WASTE MY TIME.

Good news everyone, the Police Chief in Beloit, Wisconsin wants you to voluntarily allow your house to be searched so that police may confiscate any guns "you didn't know were there." Here, just in case you need to forget about buying ammunition for your AK-74, or your AK-47, or the AR-15 you forgot about.

A farrier is a specialist in equine hoof care, including the trimming and balancing of horses' hooves and the placing of shoes on their hooves, if necessary. A farrier combines some blacksmith's skills (fabricating, adapting, and adjusting metal shoes) with some veterinarian's skills (knowledge of the anatomy and physiology of the lower limb) to care for horses' feet. Farriers will use a hoof pick to to clean out the horse's feet before they can get to work with all the other fancy tools. A hoof tester is a two-pronged tool that lets a farrier see if/where a horse's foot is sore. It uses a pinching motion to put pressure on different points of the horse's sole or heel—when the horse reacts to the pressure, that usually indicates a sore spot. Like a giant pair of nail clippers, hoof nippers are used to trim around the hoof wall until the foot is the right length.

behold the heartwarming story of rochester, new york. LOL, just kidding, here it is today


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