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Ernie's House of Whoopass! March 20, 2015
March 20, 2015

The New York City Subways System Has Really Gotten Into This 50 Shades Of Grey Bullshit, Hasn't It?

BREAKING NEWS: SO LONG, FUCKFACE.

I don't know about you but every time I see a new video of Boston Dynamics' robot Spot, all I can think of is AMEE from Red Planet. I for one welcome our new robotic overlords.

You guys have heard me yammer on about my Kershaw Blur and how it's in my pocket for every day carry. Well, added bonus: now the Blur has the added functionality of a carbide glassbreaker tip built into the handle. And I know what you're thinking... won't just the tip of the ice be enough to break the window glass in an emergency? In a word, no. So don't settle for anything less than carbide for a glassbreaker. Steel just won't do it, but this little carbide tip will. And as a point of reference, the regular Blur -- the exact same one I have, only without the carbide glass breaker -- is selling for $60. So yeah, gotta get that shit done. And remember, Kershaw products are guaranteed for the lifetime of the original owner.

Welcome to Zombietown USA, a disease dynamic simulator of zombism across the USA. They use the Gillespie dynamics on block level sensus data from 2010 using 308 million people interacting across the continental United States.

Earlier this week, some dude on Liveleak released this video of an encounter he had with a police officer from Webster, Massachusetts. it generated so much buzz that the Webster Chief of Police had to response to the issue on their Facebook page. The Cliff Notes version is it wasn't really a handicapped parking space, the blue handicapped emblem had been previously painted over but was showing again after the parking lot had been repeatedly scraped with a plow throughout the winter. No harm, no foul, although the cop was kind of a dickhead about it, immediately going into "no you identify yourself" mode instead of simply explaining the paint. Anyway, this handicapped parking space is clearly marked. Show me where it is.

Hey Ernie, I was able to track down the Jazz Boat fairly quickly, park any where here, and there are more photos of her here. I thought you might be thirsty afterwards, so I tracked down the Mattoni mineral water stand. This one took me three days, looking at dozens of pictures of the model walking around naked until I finally found a clue. (Why do I never get tired of this game?) It is in the Czech spa town of Karlovy Vary, about here. And more photos of her can be found here. Keep 'em coming, Tim

Well played, sir! So, if you examine this next photo very carefully, you will recognize a bottle of Febreze's Hawaiian Aloha Air Effects and a bottle of Dial Gold Antibacterial Hand Soap. But the third item I can not identify -- what is this red and white can?

You may wonder what symptoms during pregnancy warrant immediate medical attention and what symptoms can wait until your next prenatal visit: high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, preterm labor, miscarriage, nausea and vomiting, iron-deficiency anemia.... are all risks during even the healthiest of pregnancies. Now add to the mix some crazy crackhead with a knife and some asshole with a warped sense of chivalry, and you'll understand why people say an armed society is a polite society. To that end, female firearm enthusiasts have been begging Glock for a single stack 9mm. Well, it looks like the wait is over. It's as if .380 chambered G42 and the 9mm G26 made sweet, sweet love and the result was the Glock 43, with a slim profile closer to the G42 but with the height and length roughly the same as the G26. I'd interested in getting my hands one one, just to test it out. I'm not entirely sold on the idea, simply because you are sacrificing 40% of your ammunition (10 rounds of the G26 to the 6 rounds of the G43) to save a mere 15% of your overall width, or about 1/8th of an inch. The biggest gain (loss?) is the loaded weight of 20.6oz for the G43, versus 26.1oz for the G26; saving about 5.5oz or about 20% of the overall weight. I'm just not entirely convinced the ammunition trade off is worth it.

Perhaps Tone (from FB comments) hadn't yet posted this translation you requested. (a different)Tim.

In case you're in a part of the world where you do have the benefit of winter, you can take advantage of it and realize that snow is a great reason to have fun. Take some examples from here, you can get naked and run around, or you can take a dip in a frozen lake. Either way, take care with the hypothermia.

Those big metal boxes where you generously donate your used clothes and other goods aren't always what you think they are. And charities such as the Salvation Army and Goodwill are fighting to stop South Floridians from donating their used goods to unwittingly line somebody's pocketbook. The names of the seven for-profit companies placing boxes in South Florida are: the Charter Recycling Corporation, BetterWorldBooks, Reuse clothes and Shoes, The Good Samaritan, Blue Boxes Cloths and Shoes Donation Center, Victory for Youth and Vietnam Veterans of America. A big metal box will appear in the parking lot of a Lowes or a Barnes and Nobles overnight; they're huge and very heavy, so removing them requires hiring a company to haul it away.

Man, every time I come across one of these photos from South America, it never fails to surprise me when I see a washing machine installed in the kitchen. I mean I'm sure it makes sense if there are a limited number of water hookups, but still.


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