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Ernie's House of Whoopass! April 3, 2015
April 3, 2015

The Prime Directive Is Not Just A Set Of Rules; It Is A Philosophy... And A Very Correct One.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there existed an internet without social media. And in this time before time, those users who used to interact with each other through means of newsgroups and listservs and instant messaging all operated with one simple Prime Directive: Do Not Feed The Trolls. Unfortunately as time marched on and generation led to generation, the lessons of these original Guardians of the Internet began to slowly fall by the wayside. Eventually, a whole new demographic of internet users didn't know the only way to fight these attention seekers was to ignore them; and that buying into their bullshit would only make the troll stronger. Such is the case of the Indiana pizzeria, which was facing a not insignificant amount of backlash over their statement, "If a gay couple came in and wanted us to provide pizzas for their wedding, we would have to say no."

Now stop for a second and ask yourself, "Do I live in Walkerton, Indiana? Do I even live in Indiana? Would I cater my wedding with pizza?" Because unless you answered YES to all three of those questions, this news story should have been nothing more than a passing story to you, to be looked upon with the same curious fascination as you would an article from The Onion. Instead, a whole bunch of people -- which I will collectively refer to as The Left -- responded in such a way as to make comparisons of very small mole hills to very large mountains. And remember, when we say the restaurant received backlash, I'm not referring to just trouncing their Yelp rating, I'm talking death threats and promises to burn their business to the ground.

Amid such threats, the pizzeria in question was forced to close their doors for the safety of business and employees alike. The Left of course, declared immediate victory. Unfortunately, for every action there is an equal and in this case, quite opposite reaction. Feeling they are now forced into action, The Right came to the aid of the pizzeria and started a GoFund Me, which at the time of this writing IS UP OVER $602,000. So now the very business The Left -- you know, the folks who promote tolerance -- was hoping to shut down with threats of violence, is now rolling around in what probably amounts to 3-4 years worth of profits. And counting.

Now I have no dog in this fight, as the old saying goes. I'm not writing this to debate the conservative versus liberal agendas, or the merits and flaws of legislation passed in a state I don't even live in or quite frankly, give a shit about. I'm talking exclusively how each side reacted to this isolated pizza incident. When we look back and see this entire fiasco as a big black eye for those on The Left, let them look no further than themselves as the cause of their defeat. Had the likes of Rachel Maddow and Chris Hayes and the Huffington Post and PoliticusUSA and the DailyKos, et al, just simply rolled their eyes at these small town hicks -- hicks who actually think pizza is an appropriate wedding food -- this whole gay pizza fiasco would have blown over days ago. Instead those media outlets overreacted with OMGTHESKYISFALLING headlines and now these small town nobodies are half a million dollars richer. And counting.

So for the benefit of all mankind, let this lesson once again be taught to future generations: DO. NOT. FEED. THE. FUCKING. TROLLS.

I can tell you with complete confidence, that this photo was taken at the Scottsdale Quarter, an outdoor shopping mall located in Arizona. I am not however, sure that Google's Streetview can show you exactly where the photo was taken.

Hi Ernie. I don't know where the hot naked chick is going, but if you want that beer you can get it at The Rock Times at Große Rittergasse 64, 60594 Frankfurt, Germany. Here is a picture and a map for your cab driver. Eric

Hey Ernie, The Rock Times is in Frankfurt, Germany. Couldn't get a Street View shot, though. Germany has spotty Street View coverage due to privacy laws. Anyway, more pics of her here. Keep 'em coming, Tim

Apparently, we're going to Frankfurt. Skip from Grand Rapids

Each year, approximately 2,400 children suffer severe shock and burns when they stick items into the slots of electrical receptacles. It is estimated that there are six to 12 child fatalities a year related to this. Because of this, one of the more common concerns of child safety is the potential for electrocution or serious injury when an object, such as a key or metal paper clip, is inserted into an electrical outlet. Many childproofing devices exist that block access to the electrical outlets. These devices may be as simple as plastic units that plug into each individual socket but this type could be removed by a toddler or parents might forget to re-insert them after using the outlet.

A modern riding crop usually consists of a long shaft of fiberglass or cane or which is covered in leather, fabric, or similar material. The rod of a crop thickens at one end to form a handle, and terminates in a flat flexible leather tongue, known as a keeper. The thin end is intended to make contact with the horse, whilst the keeper prevents the horse's skin from being marked. The handle may have a loop of leather to help secure the grip to prevent it from slipping through the rider's hand.

Some of us were kept alive... to work... loading bodies. The disposal units ran night and day. We were that close to going out forever. But there was one man who taught us to fight, to storm the wire of the camps, to smash those metal motherfuckers into junk. He turned it around. He brought us back from the brink. His name is Connor. John Connor. Your son, Sarah, your unborn son.

Hey Ernie, The lady in question has great taste in hotels. Its the Riu Imperial Marhaba, Port El Kantaoui, Port El Kantaoui 04089, Tunisia. Stayed at a few Riu Hotels / Palaces , they know their shit. If you ever get the chance, try one out, well worth it. Ray

Ernie, Looks like Riu Imperial Marhaba hotel in Tunisia, but must have a new paint job. Although I don't recognize the flag in front. Nice tits, Tim in Okla

Whenever I do these photo challenges, I always try to find one where I can teach you some little tidbit you didn't already know. For example, I was all set to order this Homer Simpson Praise jebus poster for my office when it turns out... someone bought the last one! Dammit!

GET WHILE THE GETTING IS GOOD: if you act quckly, you can scoop up 650 rounds of Sellier & Bellot brass cased 9mm FJM ammo for $128 -- that's $0.19 per round. And this is fresh factory ammo, NOT reloads.

It looks like Allen's Auto Service has taken down their sign that used to hang over the sidewalk out front.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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