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Ernie's House of Whoopass! April 8, 2015
April 8, 2015

Opening Day Report: Toronto Blue Jays 6, New York Yankees 1. Boston Red Sox 8, Philadelphia Phillies 0.

By now most of you have seen The Rock's rendition of Shake It Off, so even though he's not really singing -- here's Jimmy Fallon's rebuttal -- perhaps you'll be surprised to find out The Rock is actually an accomplished singer. Also, Anne Hathaway (and her spectacular tits) make a pretty decent Miley Cyrus.

When filming 1995's Waterworld -- which I have to admit, I'm one of the few people who actually enjoyed the film -- Kevin Costner was put up in a $4,500/night oceanfront villa with a butler, chef, and his own private swimming pool. In contrast, crew members were forced to live in uninsulated condominiums that were subject to temperature swings of up to 50 degrees. The base of the Smokers was the Exxon Valdez oil tanker, as evident when it sinks -- the stern rises and the word "Valdez" is visible. So that picture on the wall that Deacon (Dennis Hopper) refers as "Old Saint Joe" is actually Joseph Hazelwood, infamous captain who crashed the Exxon Valdez into the Alaskan landscape, spilling millions of gallons of crude oil. Now the mock up of the Exxon Valdez used for filming was stored in the Mojave desert for many years and could be seen on Google Maps. The real Exxon Valdez was repaired and renamed the Sea River Mediterranean and used to haul oil across the Atlantic. It was renamed the Oriental Nicety in 2011, before being sold to India in of August the following year, to be broken up and sold for scrap.

Wow, at the risk of sounding like a goddamn redneck, Walmart has some pretty great deals on gun safes lately. Last week was this hidden in-wall gun safe for only $71 shipped, now there're offering a 16 gun security cabinet for $214 shipped. I should point out this is the online store, not the brick and mortar stores you're used to shopping at.

Okay is it me, or does this guy a dead ringer for a young Elvis Presley?

Is it POPOV Vodka? Randy [Ernie says: I thought so]

The banner in the picture isn't an alcohol brand it's a Vodafone banner viewed from the back. Dave

You know, at first I thought Randy was right, and Dave was wrong. The I decided to crop out the banner, rotate and reverse it, and what do you know. So I guess it wasn't an alcohol banner after all. Touche', Dave. Now show where and when this bubble machine was kicked into overdrive.

Some days you need a little protection and other days you need a lot. If you like Original Strength Gold Bond Powder, you'll love our Extra Strength formula. It shares our Original Strength powder's blend of two medically proven ingredients combined with the finest powder and essential oils, but it's got five times more medicine and delivers an even more potent cooling kick. With extra moisture absorption, extra cooling power and extra itch relief, Gold Bond's Extra Strength formula -- in the green bottle -- is a medicated body powder that works hard in relieving skin discomforts, yet it's gentle enough to use every day.

And if you've been keeping an eye on the Live Bald Eagle cam... the babies have hatched.

You didn't ask, but I couldn't resist. Chicken and Watermelon is at 3400 S Claiborne Ave, New Orleans, LA 70125. Skip from Grand Rapids

Hey Ernie, I want to thank you for all your tributes to our fallen heroes, Their sacrifices should never be forgotten and we should always remind ourselves of the ordeals they endured. Although this seems to be counter to the tributes to our WWII veterans, I think it makes their victories even more significant, as these were the men they were up against. Even though Hiroo Onoda was on the the other side, I still would have saluted him at his funeral. Everyone says, " I will never quit, I will never surrender...". There are few who will actually follow through. The Japanese had many such men. As a former USMC Infantryman and Afghanistan veteran, I still read this man's story with wonder, and respect. Rest in peace, Lt. Hiroo Onoda. Semper Fi, Tim

I've taken a very long, hard look at this infographic explaining the different types of wine glasses, and what wines they're designed to serve. So I am pretty sure this is a glass of Pinor Noir. What say you?

Here are 21 reasons why women live longer than men. I'm sorry but the dude with the boulder over his head, propper up on sticks? That nigga cray.

Red harvester ants are large (5–7 millimeters) species that prefer arid chaparral habitats, and are native to the southwest United States. Their diets consist primarily of seeds, and they consequently participate in myrmecochory, an ant-plant interaction through which the ants gain nutrients and the plants benefit through seed dispersal. Nests are made underground (up to 2.5 meters deep) in exposed areas, with a cone protruding out of the ground. Harvester ants will defend their colonies vigorously against real or perceived attacks, whether by large or small animals. They may bite ferociously and their stings are venomous and painful. The effect spreads through the lymphatic system, sometimes causing dangerous reactions, especially in animals sensitive or allergic to their venom.

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So Where The Fuck Did EHOWA Go?...

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