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Ernie's House of Whoopass! April 22, 2015
April 22, 2015

That's Right, Time To Start Dieting.

Many, many moons ago, right after I moved to Florida, I used to drive around in this sweet ass 1990 Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham. That thing was like driving a combination of a main battle tank and my living room couch. The down side of course was, with a carbureted 5.0 liter engine pushing around a 4300lb curb weight (0-60 in 14+ seconds) -- it couldn't pass a gas station. As as gasoline crept past the $4/gallon mark, me and The Nimitz reluctantly parted ways. I see it every once in awhile -- or at least ones that looks remarkably similar -- when I'm over in Fort Myers. Then I was watching this video of GTA-5 kills and sure enough -- about the 0:13 second mark -- there's my fucking car! And preceding The Nimitz by one year, the Simpsons have been going since 1989. Here are 40 of the best quotes from Homer Simpson and company.

Detroit was awarded an NHL franchise in 1926, and the team was known as the Detroit Cougars for a couple of years, then the Falcons; they did not win often under either name. Then in 1932, a millionaire named James Norris -- who was a member of the Montreal Amateur Athletic Association, a sporting club with cycling roots -- bought the team. Norris decided that a version of their logo was perfect for a team playing in the Motor City and on October 5, 1932 the club was renamed the Detroit Red Wings and the team adopted their winged wheel logo. Coincidence or not, the new name and logo marked a turnaround in the team's fortunes. The Detroit Red Wings made the playoffs in their first season, and won their first Stanley Cup in 1936. Unfortunately, they've sucked like Nickelback ever since. Go Bruins!

Sure, any bumbling idiot can tell me the truck is a Toyota Tundra, but who can tell me the make and model of the car parked in the driveway?

Hi Ernie. Ca' in Italian is short for house (of). Tuoro is a common surname and a place in Italy, so Ca' Tuoro probably just means (the) Tuoro Household. David

Hey Ernie, I was at the grand opening gala for the newest addition of the National Naval Aviation Museum in Pensacola and thought you might like to see a few pictures of the new hangar. While I was there I had the extreme honor of meeting Captain Thomas J. Hudner USN (ret.), a Medal of Honor recipient. This will stand as one of the greatest honors of my life and as you can probably imagine, there was no shortage of people wanting to meet this gentelman. I'll even bet that he upstaged Eugene Cernan, the last man to walk on the moon, who was also there in attendance. Warren

Choking is the fourth leading cause of accidental death in children under age 5, according to the New York State Department of Health. The Consumer Product Safety Commissions reports that about 15 choking deaths are reported each year in kids younger than 3. Foods, toys, household items and basically anything that fits into your child's mouth are potential choking hazards. Bottle caps, especially sweet tasting ones such as those on soda, chocolate syrup, or pancake syrup bottles may be be dangerous to little ones trying to lick the drops out of the caps.

I can't imagine these flats are too comfortable to walk in, especially on the unforgiving city streets. So show me where this woman most likely picked up some new shoes.

Hey Ernie, was able to find the location of the call box by image searching City of Camarillo sign, and whaddaya know, the second result shows the exact sign. You can tell because of the chain link fence near the front. Visiting this site tells us that the sign is on the north entering the city on the 101, right here. Flipping a 180, the call box is 101-117. Keep up the good work my friend! Mark.

Hey Ernie, The Call box is # 101-117, on the 101 Freeway in California. Chick must love freeways, here is a shot of her getting on the 23 South. Keep 'em coming, Tim

Ernie, her call box number is 101-117. It is on the side of the southbound 101 freeway as you approach the Conejo Grade about an hour north of Los Angeles. Just past that call box on the right is Camarillo Springs Golf Course and a surrounding residential community where this mudslide happened four months ago. Jefferson

Here's a photo that I've been trying to research for the past week, and am having frustratingly little success. As best I can tell, the clothing company Ehihpai -- who made these coveralls -- was owned by Guangzhou Bai Zhi Garment Company. Their website is now defunct (translated via Google Translate) but even as far back as 2006 they didn't give much info. I've managed to find a similar pair of coveralls, but that's as much information I can find.

Some say the secret to eternal youth is actually simpler than most people thought. There's not much anyone can do about the aging of a body, but then again why focus solely on the body when the spirit doesn't have to deteriorate with it. That meme old saying "don't grow up, it's a trap" is very true, and pretty much the solution.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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