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Ernie's House of Whoopass! April 23, 2015
April 23, 2015

It Keps The Hot Side Hot, And The Cool Side Cool.

I remember getting my first job when I turned 16. Well, aside from paper routes, but those don't really count. It was at the McDonalds on the corner of Lyell Avenue and Mt Read Blvd in Rochester; the building has long since been demolished and the lot repurposed, in fact these four red brick pillars are what's left of what used to be the playground. And it was the old school playground, too. The one where every child was under the watchful eye of the shin busting Mayor McCheese.

One of the things I distinctly remember about getting hired were the training films. Those horribly cheesy -- pardon the pun -- giant ass betamax tapes that were supposed to teach you how to make a Big Mac, or a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, or how to prep and slice tomatoes, or how to run the cash register properly. Yes, these videos were absolutely awful, but at the same time that's what made them so memorable.

In fact if memory serves me correctly, making a set of Big Macs goes like this: drop 12 pieces of 10:1 meat and hit the timer. Pull six Big Mac buns and separate -- heels on a bun tray (lined with one sheet of butchers paper), middles onto the top shelf of the bun toaster, set the crowns aside; slide the bun try into the bottom of the bun toaster and pull the lid down. Sear the 10:1 meat; prep condiments and make sure everything is at the ready. Buns are done; slide the six middle pieces off the toaster onto the same bun tray as the heels. First side of meat is done, flip meat. Crowns into the top of the toaster. One shot of Mac sauce each bun. One pinch of reconstituted onions each bun. Salt meat. Pile of lettuce each bun. Add two sliced picked to the middle sections of bun. Pull meat; two at a time, shake off excess grease, one piece of meat per bun. Pull crowns and top off mid sections; place mid sections on top of heels and BOOM, six fresh Big Macs.

There's an old saying that once you work for a fast food restaurant, you'd never eat there again. That wasn't true for the fast food places of my youthful era. They served honest to goodness good food. Now this isn't to suggest that McDonalds was healthy per se, a greasy burger is still a cholesterol bomb no matter what era it's made in. In fact, when you chomped down into one of my Big Macs, hot grease likely ran down your chin. But at least you got what you were paying for -- a honest to goodness greasy goddamned burger -- and it was hot and fresh and everything was as advertised. Not the mass produced shit they're churning out today, where the meat patties are cooked half an hour earlier and left to marinate in some skanky grease tray until they congeal into one slab of unimeat.

So I can't that I'm altogether surprised that Big Ron's Steak House has found themselves falling upon hard times. And no, I don't think offering breakfast all day is the turn around. And no, I don't think offering a limited time pico de gallo guacamole smoked cheddar bacon cheese jalapeno stuffed 1/3 pound mushroom angus burger is going to hep them turn the corner. I'd say get back to the fucking basics, man. Get back to selling edible food. And bring back the fucking McDLT.

Awww, this nice lady seems to have dumped some her instant coffee on the floor. Good luck sweeping it all up, having done the same in the past, I can tell you it's a pain in the ass to get all of that fine brown powder. So tell me fair reader, if I were to send her a new jar to replace what she lost, what brand am I shopping for?

Aloha Ernie, I've got crabs, Enjoy, Carrie

Not sure if they'll do the good words but there's only one way to find out. Cheers, Pete.

I ordered my Tundra MANSPAKL badge, so we'll see how it turns out. I was going to get one for The Boss Lady, but decided to go a different route; one of the best ways into a woman's heart is to share similar interests. For example, watching a movie she likes. Can you name a movie on this girl's must-watch list?

One of the key moments in Kate Upton's meteoric rise to superstardom happened back in 2012, when America's Creepy Uncle Terry Richardson released a video of the model doing the “Cat Daddy.” The video was integral to her continued fame, but Upton revealed that she was less than pleased when it first came out. But I guess a multimillion dollar career will have a way of smoothing over the rough patches of how you got there.

Spaghetti and garlic bread form a traditional pairing that may seem inseparable if featured regularly in your culinary routine. Just as you can opt to serve a fresh green salad with spaghetti, garlic bread makes an ideal accompaniment for a range of other dishes. Certain foods are particularly well-suited to its crispy texture and piquant flavor, including beans, tomatoes, roasted vegetables, tender leafy greens, steak, chicken and seafood. Use garlic bread to make a light meal more satisfying, or serve it alongside meat or poultry instead of the usual main course starches.

Good Morning. I am going to take a SWAG ( Scientific Wild Ass Guess ) that the chick in flats is at some event in Times Square. That is where I could find the same Nasdaq lettering. If I am correct, there are many shoe stores where she can get some new kicks. Eric

I don't have conclusive proof, but I think the girls are at the Hollywood Highland Center mall, outside the Kodiak theater. The sign is for Stand up to Cancer, which was held at the Dolby Theater, and in that mall there is a Aldo store along with a Skechers which is what I believe the drawstring bag hanging from the travel case is from. Or I could be totaly wrong. Rick

You both are how you say.... close but no banana? Eric nailed the Times Square location -- the building with the NASDAQ ticker out front is the Condé Nast Building, located at 4 Times Square. Then Rick picked up on the white Aldo bag (they're a shoe store and indeed sell Sketchers) and from 4 Times Square it's only a two minute walk to 218 W 42nd St, which is where the Aldo store is located.

Spring training has ended, and we're getting ot the thick of the baseball season. While that means we're in for lots and lots and lots of baseball games, it also means that we're due for the annual list of the hottest MLB WAGs. That's wives and girlfriends for you keeping score at home.

The majestic palm is a Madegascar native capable of tolerating relatively cool temperatures and shady locations, making it a good choice for cooler climates. Although the palm makes an attractive indoor plant, it may eventually become too large, as mature trees reach heights of 15 to 20 feet. Repot the majestic palm into a container one size larger when the plant outgrows its pot, usually every two to three years. Don't repot more often than necessary, as palms perform best when their roots are slightly crowded.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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