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Ernie's House of Whoopass! July 7, 2015
July 7, 2015

I Can Only Hope That Ana Is Well Versed In the Intricacies Of Suppositories.

Palm trees reproduce by seed pods, which are shaped like airplane drop tanks. Only instead of being filled with fuel, they're filled with about seventy-five billion-trillion hard little seeds about 1/4" in diameter. They're not much of an inconvenience when they drop on the yard, but when they drop on the sidewalk/driveway, each trip to take the dogs out is like a Lego firewalk. So anyway, my neighbor was having some of his trees trimmed yesterday, so I walked over to the guy operating the boom lift and asked him if he wanted to make a little money on the side trimming the seed pods from the four royal palm trees in front of my house. He looks over at them, rubs his chin and says, "$110." "I've got a $100 bill," I counter. "Move your pickup." So he pulls into my driveway, drops the side extenders and twenty minutes later all of my seed pods are resting curbside. I didn't know this before, but each of those fucking things is like 100 pounds, and awkward as fuck to carry. I know this because I'm the one who had to drag them to the curb. And now I'd just like to sit on a park bench somewhere, and relax. Any idea where am I readed to?

Old and busted: Hands Across America. Seriously, what the fuck were people thinking in the 80's? Anyway, the new hotness: Hot Dogs Across America.

Women don't dig jewelry boxes for two reasons: They clutter up the surfaces of your bedroom, and they keep jewelry in jumbled heaps that are almost always impossible to sort. So while jewelry boxes can be nice and beautiful, both for storage and for display, they don't work particularly well for necklaces. For these lovely pieces of jewelry you need something else, as the necklaces have to seat tidy and neat so you can easily choose and take the one that better suits you that particular moment. There are lots of DIY projects that can help with that, but tree necklaces seem to work the best. Personally, I prefer the ones made out of natural wood, over those made from metal. The only danger in using neckace trees is if you have any goddamn cats, which will see her expensive jewelry as inexpensive cat toys.

Hey Ernie, Looks to me like that trailer license plate is from the Canadian province of Saskatchewan, which explains why you couldn't find it on the list of US plates. Cheers, Tom

hey Ernie. Found the plate. I saw this pic from Ithaca, NY. Keep up the good work. Jb

Hi Ernie, Thanks for linking to the superman facts infographic the other day. Just spotted that the link isn't working though! Here is the page you linked it on, and the link should go here. Thanks, David

Fireworks are a very important of our Independence Day celebrtaions, and I certainly hope you were able to enjoy whatever local production your city put on. I am curious though, can you show me exactly where this girl watched her fireworks from?

Well, the early bird may get the worm, but no matter how early you are there's always someone earlier. Thus how I missed on this bulk .22 bucket deal by an hour. And whilest ye be ordering this ammo and you need to something for a few more bucks to cross some discounted shipping threshold, consider stuff like Cabela's Multitool for $5.99. There's nothing miraculaous about it; pliers, wire stripper, knife, slotted and phillips screwdrivers, wood saw, bottle opener (IMPORTANT!) and some tiny ass scissors. But for $6, toss this shit in your glove box.

The Nikon Coolpix series are digital compact cameras in many variants produced by Nikon. Nikon Coolpix cameras are organized into five different lines. The line in which a particular camera is placed is indicated by the letter which is the first character of its model number. The lines are: the (A) series, the (AW) all weather series, the (L) life series, the (P) performance series, and the (S) style series. The Nikon Coolpix S6500 appears to have just about everything you want from a digital compact camera of its class. With a 12x optical zoom, 3-inch 460,000-dot touchscreen, 16 megapixel backlit CMOS sensor, Full HD video recording, a host of direct controls, 20 scene modes, small, lightweight body with various colors, and a modest price tag, what more could you ask for?

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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So Where The Fuck Did EHOWA Go?...

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