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We'll Get Your Mom Back This Time For Sure, Timmy.

As a Designer Skin devotee, you have become accustomed to the bronzed worship and idolatry. Yawn. In need of the ultimate bronzing boost? Ready to go from beautiful to earth-shattering bronze luminosity? Is that even a word? It is when you use Worship Me. When you wear it, you will walk the walk -- or should we say strut -- as mere mortals pale in comparison. This advanced quadruple bronzing blend bathes your skin in luscious, dark caramel color, while the proprietary Mega MelamaxTM technology optimizes your results for the deepest, darkest tan.

It's Always A Little Weird When Art Imitates Life. And Vise Versa.

When the American Flag is displayed in a manner other than by being flown from a staff, it should be displayed flat, whether indoors or out. When displayed either horizontally or vertically against a wall, the union should be uppermost and to the flag's own right, that is, to the observer's left. When displayed in a window it should be displayed in the same way, that is with the union or blue field to the left of the observer in the street. When festoons, rosettes or drapings are desired, bunting of blue, white and red should be used, but never the flag.

Neon Signs Really Are A Lost Art.

Four years ago, Cisco announced the end-of-sale and end-of-life dates for the Scientific Atlanta/Cisco Explorer 4250HDC. Customers who had active service contracts or active warranties continued to receive support from the Cisco Technical Assistance Center until their warranty expired, but customers were encouraged to migrate to the Cisco Explorer 4650HDC.

Honey, You're Going To Have To Open Your Mouth Wider Than That.

I was going to ask your help in finding the quickest place to get a Sabrett hot dog, but this photo has too much information to issue a challenge for; all you have to do is Google Union Square East and 4th Ave and viola. So instead I'm going to ask that you help me out running errands today. I need to get my hair did and my car fixed. Where's the easiest place to do that?

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Insert Your Favorite Labor Day Joke Here.

I Can't Imagine Too Many Men Are Brave Enough To Hand Out That Mug.

Two previous photo challenges were to identify this restauarant and to locate this resort. Needless to say both pictures feature the same girl and since I've been seeing more and more of her creep up lately, decided to do a little investigating. Turns out her name is Katya Clover and she is -- big surprise -- a nude model. You can see more of her on her Tumblr, Twitter and Instagram. But if you'll permit me just one more, please show me where she enjoyed this open air cafe!

“The Kitchen. The Bathroom. The Yin And Yang Of The Household.” - David Holley

Comedienne Nicole Arbour is catching a world of shit for posting this fat shaming video. But here's the uncomfortable truth -- And I say this as a guy who has a couple of extra bowling balls rolling around in his midsection -- virtually everything she says is completely true. Being overweight is a choice for most people. That's not to say you wake up and say to yourself, "I think I'll be fat today." But we certainly make a decision to sit our fat asses on the couch, and we make a decision so not let that extra cheeseburger go to waste, and we make the decision to have just one more beer. Or maybe two more. Either way Nicole Arbour has a phenomenal set of titties.

Seriously, Like Anyone Is Going To Eat The Fucking Drumsticks.

Sometimes I swear I have the short term memory of a fucking goldfish. Someone help my failing memory... did we clready identify the hotel this dynamic duo is staying at?

And My Truck Still Runs, If O'Neill or Bissonnette Ever Want To Lay Claim.

According to the mission plan, the first helicopter would hover over the compound's yard while its full team of SEALs fast-roped to the ground. At the same time, the second helicopter would fly to the northeast corner of the compound and deploy the interpreter, the dog and handler, and four SEALs to secure the perimeter. The team in the courtyard was to enter the house from the ground floor. As they hovered above the target, however, the first helicopter experienced a hazardous airflow condition known as a vortex ring state. This was aggravated by higher than expected air temperature and the high compound walls, which stopped the rotor downwash from diffusing. The helicopter's tail grazed one of the compound's walls, damaging its tail rotor, and the helicopter rolled onto its side. The pilot quickly buried the aircraft's nose to keep it from tipping over. None of the SEALs, crew and pilots on the helicopter were seriously injured in the soft crash landing, which ended with it pitched at a 45-degree angle resting against the wall. The other helicopter landed outside the compound and the SEALs scaled the walls to get inside.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Not Sure Where To Go With This One. Riding With Cock Out, Maybe?

Okay, just a rather simple observation, but I really admire the ingenuity of using the top of the window frame to support a bookshelf. Very resourceful.

Holy Shit, I Never Realized How Fucked Up Freddie Mercury's Teeth Were Before.

The Arlec 1000W Halogen Worklight features twin 500W halogen lamps with an IP44 weather proof rating making it an ideal indoor/outdoor lighting system for use by contractors, tradesman and the DIY handyman.

"TALK SHIT, GET HIT." - Crixus, 72BC

Wow, it's turning out to be a rough week for B and C list celebs. First there was Jennifer Lien flashing her flabby ass titties to kids, and then last night Manu Bennet punching motherfuckers out.

This Is Why You Can't Always Trust In Your Spell Checker.

The Toyota Celica is a sport compact car which was produced by the Japanese company Toyota from 1970 to 2006, whose name was ultimately derived from the Latin word coelica meaning "heavenly" or "celestial". Throughout its life span the Celica has been powered by various four-cylinder engines. The most significant change occurred in August 1985, when the car's drive layout was changed from rear wheel drive to front wheel drive. During the first three generations, American market Celicas were powered by various versions of Toyota's R series engines. The Celica was available as notchback and hatchback coupes, as well as a convertible.

I've Seen Some Weird Stuff On The Internet Before, But Never A Guy With Four Cocks.

Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs is a 2008 American animated science-fiction comedy film, the second of the four Futurama straight-to-DVD films. The film was released in the United States and Canada on June 24, 2008, followed by a UK release on June 30, 2008 and an Australian release on August 6, 2008. It has been confirmed by David X. Cohen on the audio commentary that the title refers to a phrase for sexual intercourse -- "the beast with two backs" -- that originated in English with Shakespeare's Othello. Comedy Central aired the movie as a "four-part epic" on October 19, 2008. The movie won an Annie Award for "Best Animated Home Entertainment Production".

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Well, My Nuts Are Halfway Up My Ass, But Other Than That, I'm Perfect.

About two months ago, I started having some problems with my broadband internet service. Things would really just slow down to a fucking crawl; web pages would take upwards of 30+ seconds to load and when they did there were broken images, ftp would timeout, sending or receiving mail would take forever. And don't even fucking think of trying to open Netflix of Hulu, if it opened at all, the video quality would be that worthy of the first generation flip phones. And usually right around the time I was ready to blow my fucking stack -- frantically rebooting computers and the cable modem while swearing at the top of my fucking lungs -- the problem would disappear just as quickly as it started. The first few times this happened, I didn't pay it much attention and just assumed there was a Comcast technician somewhere in my area doing work on the lines. But as the problem crept into a solid week of daily connectivity problems -- and remember I work out of my home so this is my fucking livelihood we're talking about -- I finally gave up and called Comcast to report the problem.

Rick Santorum Is Watching You. Judging You.

Recurve bows were historically used by horsemen, and modern versions of the bow are used in Olympic events. These bows are named for their distinct shape: the central parts of the limbs curve toward the archer, and the tips of the limbs curve away from the archer. This configuration gives the bow more power, and less strength is needed to use the bow. Recurve bows are used to teach archery, and beginners often start with a barebow recurve, which only has a string, an arrow rest, bow limbs and a riser to help balance the bow.

This is Kind Of A Throwback Wednesday Because I Miss The Little Things.

My friend Flaherty -- of Hanscom fame -- have two standardized things: a bet and a joke. Our standard bet is one dollar; no matter how significant or insignificant the issue at hand is, our bet is always one American greenback. Who scores next? One dollar? Bet the bartender fucks up my drink? One dollar? Who wins the next Presidential election? That's right, one fucking dollar. It's more about the brag than it is the win, kind of like The Count of Monte Cristo and that fucking chess piece. Anyway, the joke. Anytime anyone fucks something up for any reason? “It's the new math.” Bartender does fuck up my order? Shrug. “It's the new math.” Can't figure out the remote control for your new TV? “It's the new math.” And the joke was, math doesn't change so there is no math. There's only one way to add two numbers together, or subtract one from another or calculate a cosine... there's just math. Until Common Core, of course. Now they went and fucked up my joke and that irritates me more than you might imagine.

"The Secret To Success, Whether It's Women Or Money, Is Knowing When To Quit. I Oughta Know. I'm Divorced And Broke."

The 1986 FBI Miami shootout was a gun battle that occurred on April 11, 1986 in an unincorporated region of Dade County in South Florida (renamed Miami-Dade on November 13, 1997) between eight FBI agents and two serial bank robbers. During the firefight, FBI Special Agents Jerry L. Dove and Benjamin P. Grogan were killed, while five other agents were wounded. The two robbery suspects, William Russell Matix and Michael Lee Platt, were also killed. The incident is infamous in FBI history and is well-studied in law enforcement circles. Despite outnumbering the suspects 4 to 1, the agents found themselves pinned down by suppressive rifle fire and unable to respond effectively. Although both Matix and Platt were hit multiple times during the shootout, Platt fought on and continued to injure and kill agents. This incident led to the introduction of more powerful handguns in the FBI and many police departments around the United States.

There Are Now Three Flavors Of Buffalo Wings: Mild, Medium, And Flaming Asshole Inferno.

I can't speak for everyone, but I'm certainly not looking forward to any of these assholes setting up shop anywhere near Main Street, USA. Because when I think of refugee, I think of war weary families running from the ravages of war, yet according tot he UN's very own Refugee Agency, of the near 500,000 "refugees" who are fleeing Syria, Libya, and Egypt -- 18% are children, 13% adult females, and 69-fucking-% are adult males. That's either one of two things: cowardice or malice. And these same assholes who are "afraid" to fight ISIS on the battlegrounds of Syria, seem to have absolutely no qualms about fighting the Europeans police guarding their borders. Thank goodness Boehner is stepping down, maybe whoever takes his place will have a big enough pair of balls to mount some sort of a defense against this invasion.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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