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Ernie's House of Whoopass! September 1, 2015
September 1, 2015

We'll Get Your Mom Back This Time For Sure, Timmy.

As a Designer Skin devotee, you have become accustomed to the bronzed worship and idolatry. Yawn. In need of the ultimate bronzing boost? Ready to go from beautiful to earth-shattering bronze luminosity? Is that even a word? It is when you use Worship Me. When you wear it, you will walk the walk -- or should we say strut -- as mere mortals pale in comparison. This advanced quadruple bronzing blend bathes your skin in luscious, dark caramel color, while the proprietary Mega MelamaxTM technology optimizes your results for the deepest, darkest tan.

The new MacBook is gorgeous, insanely thin, revolutionary and pressure-sensitive. It's also missing one killer feature: a glowing Apple logo. The shining bit of trade dress has been a pop culture icon ever since Apple released the PowerBook G3 in May 1999. However, it looks like Jony Ive's design team is ready to sacrifice the glowing Apple beacon in the name of thinness. You'll still find a light-up logo on the MacBook Airs and MacBook Pros, but it was never meant to be on Apple's new golden beauties.

Good news: If you purchase any NEW Springfield Armory pistol between Sept. 1, 2015, and Dec. 31, 2015, and you will also receive two extra magazines, a dual-pistil range bag, and a duag mag pouch absolutely free via mail.

Well this looks like a pretty major intersection. Can anyone show me where this very busy street sign is located?

Hey Ernie, that graffiti on Jockey 9 is located at 15 Avenue and Bell Road in Phoenix. The chick looks like Niki from the August 10 "Lady Luck" photo challenge. From her Tumblr page she seems to enjoy running around Phoenix posing nude in public. Hope I run into her. Keep 'em coming, Tim

This is where they fought the battle of Gettysburg. Fifty thousand men died right here on this field, fighting the same fight that we are still fighting among ourselves today. This green field right here, painted red, bubblin' with the blood of young boys. Smoke and hot lead pouring right through their bodies. Listen to their souls, men. I killed my brother with malice in my heart. Hatred destroyed my family. You listen, and you take a lesson from the dead. If we don't come together right now on this hallowed ground, we too will be destroyed, just like they were. I don't care if you like each other of not, but you will respect each other. And maybe... I don't know, we'll learn to play this game like men.

Short and sweet: can anyone identify the title of this paperback book?

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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